Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[frustratedearthmother]

Went to Wally world at lunch today and bought dirt - bunches of dirt. I've got 10 more big 30 gallon tubs to fill up and plant stuff in. Kinda crazy that I've got lots of room for gardens, but I'm using tubs. But, with our crazy weather the tubs just make sense for some things. Tomatoes do really well in them as well as peppers. My broccoli and cabbages were fine in tubs too. They out performed the ones I put in the ground. There was just toooo much water on the ground for anything to thrive. I'll still put my big space-eaters in the ground, but I'll be doing some big deep rows to keep them from getting wet feet if this trend continues. I'll bring another couple loads of manure/dirt mixture outta the red shed to supplement the store bought dirt that's really mostly just filler anyway.

Glad I won't be pressed for time to unload it since I'll be on spring break as soon as I walk out the door in a few hours!! I bought 40 bags and they each weigh 40lbs when dry...some of these are pretty damp so they're even heavier. That's quite a load and I have no intention of re-injuring this shoulder so I'll probably unload it in batches spread out over a day or so.

Conan is doing great! He's not only browsing well - he's taught himself that pellets are not as evil as he originally thought. The added variety and nutrition are giving his growth rate a nice boost too. I swear sometimes I can see him growing! And he's FAST! He can keep pace with Gracie who is probably the fastest dog I've ever owned.

I'm going to stop by Tractor Supply on the way home today for quail feed and while I'm there (insert evil laugh) I'll see if they have any Silkie chicks. I have some showgirl/silkie eggs on the way but if they don't work out at least I'll have some silkie chicks. I keep finding one of my big Coronation Sussex gals in a nest. I don't think she's decided to be broody yet - but she must be thinking about it.

Wish this clock would move a little faster - I'm ready to get outta here!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Got a call from the Hospice nurse this afternoon. Mom isn't doing well - get to the facility. She thinks mom is in "transition" and may be gone before the end of the weekend. I get over there and the Assisted Living facility staff thinks the nurse over-reacted. Maybe she did - maybe not. She's on an increased dose of morphine so she was totally out of it when I got there. She doesn't want to wake up - but I know she's aware we are there and what we are talking about because she reacts to some of our conversation. The AL staff talked about how her legs were contracting and were warning me that it might get to the point where she can't straighten her legs. But - when we say that she straightens her legs. They don't think she's that close to passing. I just don't know....

I'll be going back in the morning.

 

[Chic Rustler]

sorry you're having to go through this.

 

[sumi]

Thinking of and praying for you all.

 

[Mini Horses]

I am so very sorry

This is such a tough road. My mom went in her sleep and for that I am glad. When she had her right mind, she never wanted to linger without "knowing". In the end, I can say without hesitation, she would not have wanted more & certainly not in the health conditions she was enduring. It is with certainty that I know your mother would feel the same. None of us want that. There is no guilt, so get that out of your thoughts. The care they need is at hand.

 

[NH Homesteader]

So sorry. How is your dad taking it?

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks ya'll. I still don't know what to think. I do know that the Hospice nurse seems to want to keep us prepared by telling us that she could pass at any time. The first time she saw mom she said it could be just a couple weeks and that was 3 months ago. She said it again about 6 weeks ago and she said it again yesterday. Soooo, I'm "prepared" as you can be, but still wondering if it's that critical.

She (the nurse) always looks at moms feet and bases a lot of her diagnosis on that. Moms feet are blue on the bottom and they're cold even with socks and blankets. She says that is a sign that circulation (and life) is shutting down. It's hard to get the full picture when you're only there a few hours a week. The AL staff is with her 24/7, so I have a tendency to think they have a better idea than the nurse. I know that at least one of the AL staff thinks she's getting too much morphine. There's a fine line between preventing pain and depressing respiration too much. DH and I will go up this morning and try to assess her condition.

Dad was not given the information from the Hospice nurse - but he definitely knows that mom is not doing well and he was very weepy.

 

[sumi]

Even with the uncertainty, it's good of her to prepare you. I don't think any of them really know what God's plan for your mom is, or when He plans to call her home. I don't really know what else to say, except… Sending love and prayers across the pond to you all.

 

[NH Homesteader]

You are fortunate your husband is an RN! It is so hard when the medical professionals disagree. to you and your family!

 

[Mini Horses]

Do they see lack of circulation elsewhere? Have they checked heart rate, pulse rates in several parts of the body? Do they feel an ultrasound of the arteries would help pinpoint what "might" be a clogged area? Maybe DH could check some of this type of issue with a steth & various pulse points. It is true, we will ALL shut down eventually but, with medical tests of today it can help define if that is what is happening.

Sumi is right, only God chooses the time.