High Costs of Funerals

[Up-the-Creek]

DH and I arent getting any younger and we have talked about this a lot. We have decided due to past experiences with loved ones that for both of us, neither of us wants to have a viewing, just graveside service, short and sweet. We both are going to make our own coffins and store them somewhere till the time they are needed.No vaults and no imbaling either for us. Also we both are are going to be buried here on our farm in our family cemetery. It will be so much easier for our children and others we leave behind emotionally and financially. I want to be simple and so does he. I am going to make a side note for my kids,...I want a small tree or shrub planted at my grave,..I want my remains to give life to something. Life must go on.

 

[dacjohns]

Found this...

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/products/pro19.shtm

Very good.







I think that Jewish and Moslem burials are what we would consider "green".

 

[kcsunshine]

I too have instructed my children to cremate and scatter my ashes.....on the compost pile! We have since modified this plan to scattering my ashes on the banks/waters of our fave fishing hole.

I have even gone so far as to forbid them to seek medical help if they find me unconscious on the floor....just throw a blanket over me so they won't feel uncomfortable and let me just sleep away. No code, baby!

I'm ready to go...beam me up, Scotty!

I told my SIL(s) that I wanted to be cremated and my ashes divided up into little baggies that my DH has to carry in his pocket at all times. He just thinks he'll be without me!

 

[old fashioned]

So sorry for your loss, worry and concern for DH
Funeral costs are outrageous and I think it's mostly to capitalize on people at a vulnerable time.
When my dad passed 15 years ago, the funeral home guilt talked my mom into some very expensive frills that were NOT what my dad had wanted or what she could possibly afford. Luckily we had a friend that worked in an atty office that put some heat on the home to cancel the contract.
Many years later, my mom bought a prepaid with Neptune Society. I thought they handled it very well and professionally when mom passed last year. I don't know if they do funeral/burial services or just cremation. I was so glad that mom had done this for herself beforehand, it took away all that responsibility of having to make such difficult decisions in a greif stricken and vulnerable time. I didn't have to worry about any of it and I would suggest that for anyone else.
If not with Neptune Society, then find a reputable company or even a good funeral home and make these plans now. You and DH should be a part of these important decisions so it's not left for the family or unscrupulous funeral homes. If you make the important decisions for your life, you should also make the important decisions for your death. Do it now while everyone is alive and coherent and not under emotional duress. Most places have payment plans to best suit your finances. Atleast check it out and not just one place. Shop around to find the best deal. This all may sound weird and callous, but it's practical and makes sense. If you and DH don't shop and decide now, then after he's gone you will probably go with whatever is put in front of you just to get it over with.
As for anyone's plans for their "future", it's best to get it all in writing now. A Will isn't always enough, or living in a community property state. Also needed is a living will, DNR (do not recusitate) and to what extent, Power of Attorney, etc. These documents, when signed and notorized, not only authorize what happens to your body or property at death, but also if you should become incapacitated in any way. ie-your health(mental and physical) deteriorates enough that you can't or won't make sound decisions for yourself. Also for consideration is the need of in home caregivers and/or nursing home care. I know most people hate the idea of a nursing home-both the patient and the family. But in my experiences with both my parents there did come a time when their health had to have 24 hour professional nursing care and there was no other choice. The above documents will also ensure the nursing home follows your wishes and not their protocol.
May God's peace and grace be with you and your family.

 

[jackiedon]

I am sorry for your loss and for the health of your husband.

My BIL died this summer in an accident. What was a ripe off was, we went to pick a plot where his dad was buried and the plot was $300 so SIL bought her's while she was at it. A man in our church volunteered to dig the grave and the funeral home recommended him to the cementary because they had experience with him and he was highly recommended by the funeral home. The cementary would not allow him because they only allow one person to dig the grave and that person charged $800!!! Our hands were tied there was nothing we could do about it.

 

[peachykeen]

I am so sorry for your loss and to hear of your hubbys bad health. I hope you do not have to deal with another funeral for quite some time.


My mother has told us to go as cheap as we can and she wants her wake at a bar. She wants everyone to drink and tell stories about her. I want the same thing.

Can you be buried in anything you want?My father bought us all plots, so we have that paid for already at least. Actually I will probably just ask that my ashes be spread in a lake. I dont even know if I want a headstone. I dont want an obit or anything, I will be remembered and mourn by those that matter to me. Screw the rest.

I sincerely hope I never have someones funeral costs put on me. I would not do that to my offspring. I know sometimes people go quickly without knowing, but when you reach a certain age I think you should plan your own funeral and have it paid for. People end up spending so much money on funerals for their loved ones and the industry takes advantage of that. You're dead, you're dead. At least thats my take on it anyways.

 

[Tallman]

Someone just sent this to me so I thought I would post it. These people claim to be the only store like this in the country.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoKYjJxINBM&feature=player_embedded

 

[urban dreamer]

I hope your hubby's health will improve and you won't have to worry about a funeral any time soon.

As for me: I want my family to put the "fun" in "funeral". None of this crying stuff. Celebrate the fact that I lived and remember who I was and what you loved about me and what you learned from me. I want a big party somewhere happy. Fire me up and let my ashes fall wherever God's winds blow them. And if they have to have something material to remember me by- plant a tree or hatch a chicken.

 

[Mackay]

Sylvie,

I hope that you and your husband still have more time together but I'm sure you would not have written this post if things were not looking like change might be coming soon. I wish you stength and that your time together is well spent.

first off you need to figure out where he will be buried. Cities and counties have regulations and some are very strict and is part of the cause of the high cost, vaults may be required. Knowing where he will go is the hardest part and should be done long before he passes.

Then again, some rural areas will permit you to bury on your own land, but that is getting harder and harder to find.

Many city cemetaries do no permit card board. Enbalming is generally required if there is going to be a viewing past 24 hours. This can be curtailed by having everyone who is of concern to come to the home or hospital on the day that he dies. If you have hospice they will take the time to make him look pretty good and it can be a healing thing for the most close family members to help. So people even have viewing on the day of death or within 10 hours or so in thier living room. Call a florest and have a few flowers delivered. It is a special day and should be honored.

When the time comes you should seek the assistance of hospice. They usually have people who are familiar with the options and hopefully days before he passes at the very least.

If your husband cannot agree to hospice at this time just be aware that you can call them in at last minute, even hours before he passes. You will know when it is coming most likely. They can be a big help. Of course I am hospice prejudiced... I think they should be there months in advance.


If you have a casket already pre-purchased family can help place him in it when all have said their goodbyes. The family pickup truck will take him to the cemetary with family members following in their cars. If there is a lot of folks and lots of road notify the police department and they will do for you what they do for all funeral processions.

Be sure to contact the cemetary as soon as you know what is going on because you will not have a frige to hold the body in. They will need some time to prepare and if you let them know of your intent days or weeks ahead they will have an easier time and be more helpful. When you know someone is going to pass they can get busy before hand. Often in hospice where I worked we would hold the body for up to 10 hours for family to arrive and say good bye, mostly this was done when they were to go from our facility right to the cremation facility.

The most important thing to do right now is find a place for the burial and get that taken care of now.

there is a lot of opinion here that one should take care of the living and not bother with fussiness with the funeral. In my opinion, the funeral is for the living. It helps with greiving, acceptance and moving forward. You do not need anything fancy but you do need some time to do this. Make it simple, make it sweet, invite family to particpate in any way you can. If you do the home thing or have a viewing in the hospital you can plan to meet the next day for a memory dinner or whatever activity is appropriate when all the family is still close by. My husband and I have talked about it and we will have a home viewing at the time of death if we are fortuante enough to die a home. We haven't gotten any further than that..

When my mom died she wanted cremation but family was scattered across the continent. We decided on embalming and a viewing just for family. I was really glad we did this, even though my mom didn't give a hoot about it. They made her look so beautiful, better than I had seen her in many years. It really helped with closure. We purchased an urn and it was placed next to my dad in the town they lived in before he passed. The enbalming was about $7 or 800 dollars maybe a bit more, don't remember exactly. They had a loaner casket for the viewing. The URN was $300. Creamation was about $600. All in all it cost about $2,400, comparatively modest, to reflect my moms nature and her wishes, and worth the money to have the time to bring the family together... she was our matriach and the last of her generation.

Meanwhile take a look at this site:
http://www.eeternity.com/

http://www.ferrellscaskets.com/Steel+Caskets/

and this one is beautiful:
http://www.theoldpinebox.com/pioneerII.html

and this one would make a good bookcase until the time comes
http://www.theoldpinebox.com/sanctuary.html

and here is a kit one that you assemble yourself. I dont care for the cross much, guess you could leave it off if you want.
http://www.mhp-casketkits.com/items.php/halloween.html

one more:
http://www.mygreencasket.com/

I dont know what you consider cheap but I thought these were pretty nice; http://www.simplepinecasket.com/Ordering.html

 

[kitchwitch]

IMO the funeral industry is very much like the wedding industry. They rely on people's inexperience and ignorance to make money. Just as most people might think it's perfectly normal to spend $600 on a wedding cake, tell anyone that a funeral costs about $10,000 and they won't blink an eye because they don't know any better.

Again, just as a wedding magazine or planner will capitalize on your excitement to get you to spend money, a funeral director will capitalize on your grief and guilt to the same end. It's disgusting.

I've told my husband I want to be creamated and thrown into the Ganges as it might be the only way I ever see India. He was then instructed to throw a massive wake with live music and beer. Now THAT is money well spent.