Lorihadams-- hi guys...been busy!

[MorelCabin]

Well I think for one thing you may have to try and find out why your son is behaving the way he is...is he angry about something? Hurt by something? Does he want to go to public school and is perhaps fighting you on the homeschooling because of that? Where is he learning the bullying from?
If there is norhyme or reason for any of the behaviors then he could have an organic mental issue. Kids are so hard to figure out!

 

[lorihadams]

Well, I went outside after getting Tyler a game on the computer (an educational one) and just laid down on the deck in the sun. My daughter came out to see what was going on and proceded to go get her bathing suit on

Tyler came out and told me he was sorry for making me mad that he just doesn't like to do "school" and I thanked him and explained that he either has to do schoolwork at home with me or go to public school with the other kids but he doesn't have a choice....there are some things he has to do, and schoolwork is one of them. I told him that if he decides he wants to get on the bus in the fall and go to school then I will be fine with that but if he decides to stay home with me he is going to have to listen.

Then he tells me....mommy, you don't have to make up your bed today....guess I forgot this morning during our arguement over cereal again. I asked him why and he told me that he did it for me. Killing me.

They just had a picnic on the porch and are in their bathing suits playing in the sprinkler.

We have discussed martial arts before but I just haven't called to see about a class with everything else going on.

Speaking of everything else going on....I saw an ad on freecycle for two girls just starting out in an apartment that needed furniture. Well, we may be giving them our couch and end tables and coffee table. We have had them for 10 years and we are just sick of them. We want something with recliners and possibly leather. We have part of the money for it saved up from the sale of the boat and some other money tucked away too so we should be able to get something new. I was hoping to sell it but the poor girl asked if the couch would fit on top of her car.....lord. Looks like I may be shopping soon.

Oh, and on top of that....my neighbor calls my husband and says that he found a nest of wild turkey eggs and wants to know if we want them to put in the incubator Now, I have wanted some turkeys but I did not have the best of luck with my incubator and I don't know if I can force one of my light brahmas to go broody or not but that would be ideal. What do you think? If I put the nest of eggs in with her separate from the rest of the flock do you think she'll sit on it?

 

[Dace]

My first thought after reading your post was....well quit calling it school then. Maybe the lable of it makes him tense?

So my question is, can you just make a little chore chart which will include school activities, but not call it 'school work'?
I know it is silly but if I tell my DD to eat her veggies she turns up her nose with out even knowing what is on her plate....it works much better if I tell her to eat her bunny food or something else silly.

Honestly, he sounds like a good boy. He cares about upsetting you and wants to make amends. Growing up is hard and he probably senses how important this is and is just resistant for whatever little boy reason! Maybe he is just picking up on your stress about it all and reacting.

Hugs......and I am glad that you went to lay down in the sun!

 

[Farmfresh]

Also I might add another thought...

Don't you get so stressed out over paper pencil work. I work with autistic children (and children with other labels as well) on a daily basis. We get LOTS of learning done without always having the pencil to the paper.

Some ideas that work for us:

Work rotations that last between 20 and 35 minutes each followed by a "break" that the child chooses. The break is selected at the beginning of any work session. They can pick a different break each time. The breaks are usually quite active. Riding bikes, swinging, building with blocks, play dough, puzzles, coloring, or going for a walk/run on our walking track. Break can last about 10 minutes, but work rotations ALWAYS start right on schedule. This means if you goof off and take forever to get your task accomplished you might miss your break!

Each work rotation is a different "subject", but subjects often overlap. You might read a science story about a butterfly, do some matching activities with butterflies, and there might be more butterflies in your math problems for example.

Learn things in interesting ways: examples ... each child learned to spell his full name using Lego blocks. Each vowel was one color, consonants were another color and spaces a third color. We just wrote the letters directly on the blocks with a Sharpie marker. Not only do they learn to spell their name, they also have some fine motor work as well.

Everyone has heard about writing in shaving cream...how about mashed potatoes!?

Even paper pencil work can be made more entertaining. Did you know that there are write on wipe off CRAYONS?! There is also wet erase marker called Vis A Vis. We use a plastic page protector and slip a worksheet or paper inside. The kids get to pick a color of marker and do their work. Then when they finish you just rinse and dry the protector and you are ready to practice again! Some kids even like washing the protectors since the ink makes pretty swirls.

White boards and Expo markers also rock. We have a white board that came with pre-drawn lines for practicing writing. The back is blank. I often use that as a final task in a writing lesson. They must do their writing practice and when it meets my approval I flip the board to the blank side and they get to draw.

Another thing that helps us is a "Calm Down Corner". (sometimes it works for us as well ) Calm Down Corner is kind of blocked off on the two non-corner sides by furniture leaving one corner open. This makes it kind of private. It is a very sensory place with a soft rug, lots of pillows, a couple of blankets, some quiet mellow (and slightly boring) toys and a few simple (and boring) books.

Calm Down Corner works like this. At any time in the day a child may choose Calm Down. You can stay as long as you want. Work will be waiting when you come out AND it all has to be done before you get any fun thing (like recess or movie or video or whatever they most crave.) OR you may be SENT to Calm Down if your behavior dictates. You can pitch a fit if you want, but you may not leave the space. When your body is calm - a timer is set (usually 2 minutes) when the timer goes off life resumes.

All of this - and a few well aimed M&M's makes work go down a treat for most kids.

 

[lorihadams]

Yeah, right now I gave both of them their own spray bottle from the dollar store and they are writing letters on the deck...it is so windy it is drying pretty quickly....alright, well right now they are spraying each other but I don't care

We also drew different kinds of graphs and charts yesterday and that went over really well. We read a book about habitats before bed yesterday and today we are gonna talk about magnets.

I try to make things interesting and I really only require him to write every few days just so I know he is getting it and gets some practice. We also have to provide "proof of learning" every year so I am saving some stuff in a little portfolio but it is hard when you don't have a lot of "concrete" evidence of learning to show the school board.

His daddy is the same way. I MADE him quit college. He was miserable and making all of us miserable. It just wasn't worth it. Some people are just not geared towards book learning. He wants to start a side business making furniture once the garage/workshop is done and I can definitely see my son going in that direction right now.

He loves to do hands on stuff but writing is a big obstacle right now. Maddie is only 4, just turned four, so I don't worry about her writing too much now...I'm just letting her observe and do some hands on stuff with us too. She doesn't mind doing workbooks though and she has finished one whole preschool workbook already. Lots of stuff like circling what does/doesn't belong, making comparisons, feelings, senses, patterns, colors, counting the numbers of things in a group, stuff like that. She is pretty good at it but she gets tired of doing it after a few pages so i try not to pile too much on her at once.

We read a lot and I do have some educational dvds that i use when I need a break and they want some tv time. I figure I may as well get them to learn something if they are gonna watch the box. They love cat in the hat, word world, sid the science kid, lots of pbs stuff.

We are watching some dried beans sprout now and then once they get bigger we'll put them in pots and put one in a box with a hole in it for light and let them watch it grow toward the light. We are also growing tadpoles. Like a hundred of them.

It is hard when people want to see "schoolwork" and I don't have anything concrete to show them. It doesn't mean they aren't learning anything it just means they are learning it in a different way. I would love for my son to write his own stories but he is just not ready to do it yet. He is also very impatient and would rather have "you do it" than take the time to do something himself. He can read a bit but why take twice as long to try to read it on his own when he could just get one of us to read it to him?

It will come, I know that, but the state of Virginia doesn't agree. I worry about him having to do SOL testing and being "behind" according to their stupid standards. It's just frustrating.

My other thing is that I do this "job" all day every day without pay or a break. My husband works 8 hrs a day and then leaves. The rest of the day is his, he comes home and goes running and also plays church league softball. He goes golfing from time to time (which he is hoping to get our son into) and he doesn't understand why I am fried when he gets home. It is my job to take care of the animals, pay the bills, cook the meals, tend the garden, do the shopping, teach the kids, clean the house, do the laundry, etc. and oh yeah, I don't get the satisfaction of a paycheck and evenings and weekends off. I also have 2 kids that want to hang on me all day and the first thing he does when he gets home and I have a chance to sit down is lay on me too. It's aggrivating.

Sometimes I just want 30 minutes where I don't have to break up a fight, apply a band aid, wash something, cook something, clean up someone elses mess, get covered in poo, or listen to whining.

It's just hard for him to get that I put in a 14 hour day seven days a week for free and sometimes I just need a break.

Anyway.....I put an ad online for my eggs and kombucha starters and found out today that granny has to have her shoulders totally replaced....her first one is going to be done next month. Gonna be a long summer. Well, I'm off to call my breeder and see what we are gonna do about the goats.

 

[savingdogs]

You need to establish a "girls night" or "ladies lunch" or take a class or do something for you that you like.

If hubby gets to do all those sports and what not, why don't you get to? At least one night a week you should be able to go out and play tennis (or whatever) with a friend, have lunch with someone you really like, or do something that is away from the kids. It is better if you join something or take a class or something so that there is a certain day of the week for it. Even if it is just visiting a family member you enjoy regularly.....don't take the kids. On "Wednesdays" have it be your day for that or whatever.

It is good for your marriage too. Hubby and I have always had our own individual interests we let each other pursue. They don't have to cost money. For a long time, my "event" was going and hanging out at pet stores running adoption events. I was very close with my girlfriends at the time who were doing this with me, so it was "girlfriend" time and fun.

We used to have playgroup with the kids as well when they were little and I lived in El Segundo. We would trade with a friend who had a little girl next door. One day they would "play" at their house and the next day, at mine. It gave me a chance to run errands without them, clean the house without interuptions or do things that are hard with the kids underfoot.

You might try some of those strategies, but you need some time for YOU as well.

 

[miss_thenorth]

I so totally agree. My kids are 14 and 13 right now,but when they were younger, and obvioulsy more needy, my hubby would come home from work, we would have supper and I would go out for a walk, or over to a firends house, or to a bible study, etc. When they are young, you need to get out for sanity's sake. Now, it is not as crucial, but it is still nice to get out once in a while. My kids go to public school, so I have my days to myself, sometimes hubby is home depending on his shift, but I will still go out once in a while--yesterday was one of these days. I decided to go to the city to get groceries, and spent some time just walking through other stores, not really looking for anything, but just to be out.

and as far as the 'not making any money' part of it, what you are doing is more important than making money. And maybe you need to delegate to hubby to do some stuff --tkae some of the responsibility off you. I know around here, cooking, cleaning, and animals are my responsibility, but hubby moves hay for me, manages the pasture and paddocks, does all the fixing of stuff--he does alot around here when he is not working his job.

 

[Dace]

It is hard when people want to see "schoolwork" and I don't have anything concrete to show them. It doesn't mean they aren't learning anything it just means they are learning it in a different way. I would love for my son to write his own stories but he is just not ready to do it yet. He is also very impatient and would rather have "you do it" than take the time to do something himself. He can read a bit but why take twice as long to try to read it on his own when he could just get one of us to read it to him?

How about taking pictures of some of your activities and have Tyler write a couple of sentences about the activity. He would be in 1st grade? In school they are lucky to get a few sentences out of them at that age on any given topic! But if he is looking at pics it might inspire him to write.

Another thought.....my son hated/hates writing. One strategy that we learned when he was in about 2nd grade, was to make a spider on a topic. I am not sure what it is really called but make a circle in the center of the page and write the main topic inside that circle....tadpoles (for example) then draw a line from the center circle out to another smaller circle (imagine a center circle, the body and four legs...each leg has a small circle for details about the main subject) Add something about the tadpoles...habitat. Then another line off the main circle to a small circle with another tidbit of info....lifespan. Etc. Four legs on the spider is plenty for his age. Then he uses that as his guide for what to write.

Not really sure if he has trouble pulling the idea from his head, which the spider will help with....or if he just does not like the actual writting.

But those are my hair brained ideas

 

[Up-the-Creek]

Hi Lori! haven't stopped by for awhile but I peaked in to see how things were and I just had to say something. I know how you feel,..two kids and everything in your lap, while DH has time for himself,..but you never seem to get anytime. You have described my life to a tee. It is hard and very frustrating, and there was times I just wanted to run far, far away,..but in time, as the kids get older, it gets better. My two are 14 and 7 now,..my son who is 14,..well I tryed to homeschool him. I found myself in the same boat you are in. It got to be nothing but yelling and aggrivation everyday because he didn't like school work. He became lazy and acted out a lot,..so finally i faced being a failure and put him back in public school. Yes it made me feel like a HUGE failure,..but it was the best thing I ever done for him. He does well in public school and is very happy and has become a well adjusted teenager,..if you can imagine that,lol. Lori some children do better in public schools than others,..and your son might be one of them. He is so young right now, and you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure trying to figure the answers out right now. Put him in public school this fall,..give it a try. He may do great,..but if he don't you can always pull him out and homeschool him. Take it as it comes and breathe! That is what I have done with my 7 yr. old daughter. This is her second year of public school,..and she does okay, but we are going to homeschool her next year to see if she will do better here at home. This was our plan all along, to test the water first before diving in. She is all for being home all the time,..but she is a whole different kettle of fish than her brother. As far as having time for yourself,..you sound like me. It sounds good, but it never happens because if you would have time for yourself,..what would you do? You can delegate sometime to DH for taking care of the kiddos,..or grandparents when you can. Then just breath and take a LOOOOOONNNNGGGG nap. Then get up and get back at it,...after all,..they are little for only a small amount of time. I know it feels like forever,...but before you know it Tyler won't hug you or kiss you anymore,..because he is too old for that,...I know, because my son is too old for that nonsense now, as he calls it,..and I really miss that little bratty, clingy little boy he used to be. Good luck Lori.

 

[gettinaclue]

I totally agree. You need some time for just you. I love my family and kids, but I HAVE to get away sometimes. Mostly, I just go for a drive in the country. Sometimes the radio is blasting and sometimes its off, but it's nice to just have some ME time every once in a while.

I don't need it quite so much as I did when the kids were small. DD is 13 now and DS will be 6 shortly. I didn't home school either of them. I couldn't hang LOL