LovinLife- Happy New Year's all!

[Farmfresh]

School activities (such as the old field trip) should be based on merit at SCHOOL. Privileges at home - should be based on home behaviors.

THAT is my problem. I feel like I made a mistake about saying he can't go on the field trip even though he's doing really good in school. In hindsight I shouldn't have threatened to take the field trip away for acting up at home....that's why I'm so torn. I've got to turn the permission slip in tomorrow morning and I really want to let him go. Can't I just say that I'm letting him go only because he is doing so good at school? I've got to think of something better than time-out for the summertime. I'm thinking marble jar?

Sure you could, but that is not how the child will see the situation.

OK you made a mistake this time. So before you send him to school tomorrow - WITHOUT his permission slip - tell him that you feel like you made a mistake taking away the field trip instead of having a more appropriate consequence. Explain to him how VERY important it is that he follow rules at home. Tell him how dangerous it was to do what he did and that is why no matter how sorry you are, you now HAVE to follow through with the consequence. Also I would tell him that you will be sure to work harder and think longer in the future to make sure that EACH rule is supported by a NATURAL and LOGICAL consequence that fits the situation.

This is a winning situation. It tells the kid you are serious about enforcing the rules you set. It reminds him how serious it was to do what he did. It tells the kid you are not infallible, but that you are trying. It tells your kid that you CARE SO MUCH that you are really thinking about him and his situation.

OR... you fill out the permission slip and send him packing, because YOU feel guilty for making a mistake.

 

[savingdogs]

I agree with farmfresh and she added new insight I would not have thought of. Next time I need parenting advice I think I know who I'll ask!

I don't think after you made this threat that you can take it back. If the infraction had been mild it would have been one thing, but possible drowning? That is a super big deal. I knew folks (remotely) who lost their child in a drowning accident because the child disobeyed. NOT a time to back pedal. Time to be firm.

Next time set a punishment you like, not one you don't.

 

[Farmfresh]

I just want to say I made LOTS and LOTS of parenting mistakes with my own kids.

Since then, however, I have had around 17 YEARS of practice dealing with children that were emotionally challenged, behavior disordered and many that had substantial criminal records. Some were beyond any form of help. Of my past students 6 are now dead - violent deaths all of them and 6 others are in prison for first degree murder. I do understand how those simple willful behaviors can blossom.

 

[dragonlaurel]

The punishment (lost field trip) actually does fit well.
He wandered off, after being warned, to someplace that he could have gotten hurt. Learning to stay where he is supposed to be will make going on field trips a safe experience in the future.

He will get over missing the field trip but knowing that Mom can get tough when he does something that is disobedient and potentially dangerous may keep him safe in the future.

 

[FarmerChick]

he is a 5 year old. I agree using the trip as a punishment was a bad call (something I would have done probably cause you grabbed the first big thing to take away because he scared you so bad in misbehaving)

I would let him go. My dd is in kindergarten and she just had her big field trip and had a blast. honestly I could not imagine saying no, sending her to school and all her classmates loading up on the bus to have a great day and she staying back in school in class all day. It would break my heart.

What I would do is sit him down. Just say he is allowed to go on the trip and have a monster talk about what he did, why it is a NO, and he must follow rules but set up a punishment. Like Mom is changing no trip to help me clean the car or something like that.
BUT I would explain that Mommy sets the rules and you follow her rules etc.

Then of course the next stage is super important. bad behavior, you set a punishment, you must stick to it the next time. because if you give him an out on this one, you have to be sure the next one is set and you learned what punishments you will enact on any bad behavior.

I am not the mean mommy LOL

but just remember, giving in on this one means the future ones must be enforced. He is 5. changing this ONE punishment isn't going to truly do damage just yet....but you have to find how you want to make punishments for the future.

 

[LovinLife]

I'm a doormat, sucker, push-over.... I sat him down and told him that I was going to let him go on his field trip because he is doing good in school. I told him he's doing a good job listening to the teacher but needs to listen to me and what he did will NOT happen again! I told him if he goes away from the house without telling me he will have to stay inside all day while the rest of the family has a picnic, looks for frogs by the pond, and plays outside. I'm still not confident in my decision but I would be feeling bad come field trip day and he was sitting in the classroom. Basically I set myself up for a lose-lose situation.....this time.

I want you all to know that I've learned a lot from this thread! Thank you all for your support and help. I'm working on a personal project called 365 Grateful. I'm a hobby photographer so every day I take a picture of something I'm grateful for. Today I'm taking a picture of my computer with SS on the screen. Thanks ya'll!

 

[FarmerChick]

you aren't a sucker....you are a good mom....as I posted I would have done the exact same thing. BUT the next offense you must hold true, just don't use something YOU feel he might benefit truly from as a punishment.

like don't take away educational situations etc. where he will grow in those social activites and learn.

but yea, inside all day (a nightmare for you HA HA) but it would teach him...cause my kid loves to go outside and to punish with that would get the point across lol

its all good!

 

[LovinLife]

you aren't a sucker....you are a good mom....as I posted I would have done the exact same thing. BUT the next offense you must hold true, just don't use something YOU feel he might benefit truly from as a punishment.

like don't take away educational situations etc. where he will grow in those social activites and learn.

but yea, inside all day (a nightmare for you HA HA) but it would teach him...cause my kid loves to go outside and to punish with that would get the point across lol

its all good!

Thanks.

 

[FarmerJamie]

I'm a doormat, sucker, push-over.... I sat him down and told him that I was going to let him go on his field trip because he is doing good in school. I told him he's doing a good job listening to the teacher but needs to listen to me and what he did will NOT happen again! I told him if he goes away from the house without telling me he will have to stay inside all day while the rest of the family has a picnic, looks for frogs by the pond, and plays outside. I'm still not confident in my decision but I would be feeling bad come field trip day and he was sitting in the classroom. Basically I set myself up for a lose-lose situation.....this time.

I want you all to know that I've learned a lot from this thread! Thank you all for your support and help. I'm working on a personal project called 365 Grateful. I'm a hobby photographer so every day I take a picture of something I'm grateful for. Today I'm taking a picture of my computer with SS on the screen. Thanks ya'll!

You are not a sucker, just a parent trying to figure out what's best for your own.

This looks like a good balance, you know your own child better than any of us out here in the ether!

 

[LovinLife]

You are not a sucker, just a parent trying to figure out what's best for your own.

This looks like a good balance, you know your own child better than any of us out here in the ether!

Thanks.