Making your money choices and family

[On Our own]

I thought about posting this in finance, but it really is more a family issue. Yesterday we exchanged gifts with DHs family. We had warned everyone ahead of time that christmas was going to be tight this year and we would be giving small gifts, or made items.

DHs brother hasn't had a decent job in over a year. He works part time now, no benefits and debt up to his eyeballs. DH is technically still working, I work part time and we have very little debt. (mortgage really is all) Our gifts were as advertised, simple and yes, cheap.

BIL went all out. He probably spent more on his present to our dog than I did on his present and his daughter's! He made some snide aside about it, and I said, there are many things you could use that we could buy you. But you really have very little needs (since he is sponging off of inlaws) We are being careful until we get a good income source. He snorted and walked away.

OK we were cheap this year, we weren't other years. I think the point is that we have no debt and we don't sponge off of old people because we are careful.

 

[FarmerChick]

Time to forget adult exchange.

Put the money into the children's presents only. That way you can get them something decent that they will enjoy. Adults do not require presents (at least that is what our family thinks..lol)
forget pet presents also. waste of money and all that to me.

Let the family know --kids only presents. That way you don't have to worry about lousey exchange problems.

And forget BIL's attitude. Everyone has an attitude about something. Everyone has their own ideas about everything in this life, key is to avoid "hearing" about them...haha

 

[hikerchick]

I think it was horribly rude of him to denigrate your gifts to him. Gifts are just that- gifts, not obligations. You owe him nothing and he should be grateful that you even thought of him.

Really, when you think about it, the gifts he gave to you really came from the people who allow him to live for free.

 

[user251]

we went to children only gifts a few years ago and it has really helped us (the whole family) alot. we set the child gift age limit at 18 years old. at 18 the parents get them something but not the uncles, aunts and grandparents. some of us in the family now pool our money and sponsor a family in our county during the holidays.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

we gave everyone a sack of pork (thanks pigs!). i think everyone had the same expectations b/c we did this last year and we were VERY clear that we weren't 'all in' for the big deal xmas.

they know that The Big Man is off work and since i'm not the 'ATM Auntie' anymore.... well i think they knew. we figure, aside from the pork, that our time is our gift. if anyone wants to come on down we'll show them how to raise their own food - kinda along the lines of instead of giving them a fish we'll TEACH them how to fish... or dress chickens in our case.
;-)

its hard to convince people - adult people - that the biggest gift we can give is no debt, not owing any money, and not stuffing more stuff everywhere.

i'd forget about your BIL (well, you know me - i'd give him the finger) and be glad that you are doing what is best for your family. dont give in to feeling bad at all.

ps and when he comes sniffing around for you to help with his car/house/boat payment tell him that you're sure he'll work it out.

 

[hikerchick]

I normally don't exchange gifts with anyone. But, we spent Christmas Eve with a friend and they do a Pollyanna thing where everyone has to select a gift from a pile. So I participated and I left there with some kind of very expensive hand crafted decorative whoziwhatsis that I now had to find a home for. Luckily, my daughter's best friend's mom likes that kind of stuff.

I just dont' need more stuff and I doubt that most people do. So the whole tradition is kind of pointless except for the kids.

 

[FarmerChick]

that is it hikerchick

it is for the kids


there isn't a thing an adult needs that they can't go out and buy themselves (and usually buy better than what they get..LOL)

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

there isn't a thing an adult needs that they can't go out and buy themselves (and usually buy better than what they get..LOL)

exactly. also - you never know someone's circumstances .... and a gift isnt really a present if it makes the other person go into debt.

 

[okiegirl1]

we went to children only gifts a few years ago and it has really helped us (the whole family) alot. we set the child gift age limit at 18 years old. at 18 the parents get them something but not the uncles, aunts and grandparents. some of us in the family now pool our money and sponsor a family in our county during the holidays.

Ah! 18? our limit was 12. The entire family was on board with the 12 limit. whew!

 

[FarmerChick]

yes it comes down to "what we think as a society"
to give BIG means great and perfect
to give Smaller means bad and cheap
to give ...XXXXX and so on


we broke the family from that society crappola thinking..LOL