Need Advice

[MorelCabin]

I had to deal with something like this just a few weeks ago...what I did was tell the man that I was very sorry for leading him in any way to believe that anythng like that could happen between us, and told him that he was making me feel very uncomfortable. I told him it had to end there, period.

 

[FarmerDenise]

Don't be embarrassed about this. He is the one reading things into your relationship, and making inappropriate suggestions!

I have been in a similar situation and it was very difficult to get this much older man to realize that even though I liked him, I just wasn't interested in him "that way". It took a while, but in the end, he did respect that. He still wanted to spend time with me, but he stopped making outright advances and remained polite.
In my case, I was newly divorced and he was recently widowed. We had supported each other through our loss and grief, but I definitely considered him more like a kind uncle, than a potential lover!! I guess he felt otherwise .
In your case, he doesn't have the right to go chasing another woman, since he is already married.
But I think it is important, that you let him know, that you are not interested. Period. Under no circumstances accept any gifts from him, nor favors!!! That only leads him to think he is getting somewhere with you.
Become "friends" with his wife. And never be alone with him. Except to tell him that one time, that you are not interested and that you want him to stop insinuating any sort of relationship other than a platonic friendship.
Remember also, that many men were raised with the saying: "if a woman says 'NO', she means 'YES'!" Be carefull!!

 

[Ldychef2k]

I agree with OFG. If you kept the candy, either return it to her, which would stir up all kinds of trouble (my favorite part), or thank her for it as OFG suggested. I am a very direct person, and don't mind one bit watching people suffering the consequences for their behaviors.

 

[meriruka]

Lots of good ideas, thanks!

He is about 65, I think. I just couldn't say anything to his wife about the candy, first because it would just crush her heart and because I live on a road that ends at a dead end where her mom, her sister and one of her married daughters all live in houses down there. You KNOW they would think I did something to encourage this and I just don't need that many people hating my guts all at once. They already don't like me because I'm a yankee, not married, no kids, vegetarian, am not Baptist and 'lived in sin' with my fiance and probably a dozen other things I'm not even aware of.

Dating is not an option for me anymore, after the last relationship I just can't do it and don't really want to. It's bad enough I don't 'fit in' here, coupled with the fact that I'm bad at small talk and likely to blurt out exactly the wrong thing at the right time (which can be entertaining if you know me well enough to know I don't mean any harm, but off-putting to strangers) and am always honest but terrible at sugar-coating. As I get older, I avoid crowds & people and rarely go out except to the store & auctions. You can see where this is going.......I will soon be a 'crazy cat lady' recluse or more accurately a 'crazy chicken lady'. There are even days when I sneak out to the mailbox so as not to meet anyone or hide the truck in the barn so people think I'm not home.......holy cow, maybe I'm already nuts.

So you can see why I'd like to preserve all the good will I can among my neighbors.

 

[cjparker]

A little off topic, but a word of "warning". About three days after I accepted that I was going to be the "crazy cat lady", I met my husband of nearly 20 years.

I'm still the crazy cat lady, tho; just have a hubby, grandkids, dog, dozen cats and a bunch of chickens to add to the craziness. And hubby is a lot younger than me, hehehehehe I'm one of the original cougars!

 

[FarmerChick]

I would distant any contact.
You don't "really need to see" this neighbor do you?
He is helpful yes but you can get info online and not have the trouble..LOL

Don't involve his wife. It isn't to that level and it would hurt her terribly I am sure and alienate you big time.

Stop contact. Easy actually. The wave sure, the nod hello, yes etc. but not closer contact. Should stop most of your troubles.

 

[Blackbird]

I avoid crowds & people and rarely go out except to the store & auctions. You can see where this is going.......I will soon be a 'crazy cat lady' recluse or more accurately a 'crazy chicken lady'. There are even days when I sneak out to the mailbox so as not to meet anyone or hide the truck in the barn so people think I'm not home.......holy cow, maybe I'm already nuts.

For a while there I thought you were talking about me! LOL.

I avoid people at all costs in real life, as far as hiding behind trees, behind buildings, the basement... the face to face thing is just not my cup of tea.

I have no advice to give, besides a kick in the crotch and that might turn messy and ruin any friendship that might be salvageable. Or he might even take THAT the wrong way. Geez, some people!

 

[Cinebar]

I am a single woman also living out in the boonies. I've always been somewhat of a loner but the older I get, the more I tend to isolate myself. The days I don't leave my driveway are the best!

I once told my kids that someday I was going to be known as "that crazy old goat lady on the hill." They told me, "you already are."

And dating? Pfft. There's very little I miss about being tied to some guy. In fact, I can think of only one thing I do miss.

As far as the old dude? I don't know that involving the wife would be the kindest thing to do - to her. Probably, the only thing I might suggest, is to cut all ties with the guy. Don't ask for help of any kind and, if at possible, refuse any offers of help.

Be careful, too, that you aren't sending him any mixed messages. It doesn't take much to confuse some of those guys.

 

[chipmunk]

Besides all of these other great suggestions, I would make a point of spending more tiem with the wife, getting to know her.

OFG, thanking the wife for the candy is genius!

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

well i am a pot stir-er..

actually what i was thinking was that for all we know, the guy is starting to get 'confused' and then the wife should know. my uncle was starting to do some inappropriate things and someone finally got the courage to tell my auntie.

or this isnt a one time thing and she already knows about his shenanigans.

or you can just set the gander on him.
;-)