Ohiofarmgirl'sAdventuresinTheGoodLand-where ya been? whatcha been doin

[noobiechickenlady]

Leah, that sounds like a wonderful program. The fact that former bullies signed up shows to me that people can band together for betterment if someone shows them the way.

What free stated about the young adult brain makes complete sense. How do you hear kids talk about problems? Usually a minor situation is the end of the world to them. I would think it is a continuance of the toddler melt-downs. You know, the blocks fall over and the world falls apart.

All kids need someone (better yet, several someones) to look to for guidance and reasurance that "This too shall pass." Parents need to talk to their own kids, not only about whether they are being bullied, but if they know anyone who gets beat up all the time. If a few more kids stood shoulder to shoulder with the bullied kids, the bully would probably back off.

I try to encourage my kids to see differences in people as gems, not detriments. DS meets no stranger, like you described your brother and if he shies away from someone, there is usually something fundamentally wrong with that person. The last person he wouldn't shake hands with is in jail now. I encourage that, to a point. Don't want him getting into a car with someone, even if he does have good instincts.
DD couldn't figure out why memaw was calling the bus driver black when he obviously had brown skin. "It looked like yummy, yummy chocolate." (her words) And no, mother wasn't being racist, she was trying to learn which of the two bus drivers was driving a particular day. Later on DD said, I'm not white, I'm tan! We ended up having a great conversation about how we are ALL different, even she and myself are different. And that we were made that way so that we would find each other interesting and have good conversations and learn new stuff from each other. She's 8, I thought it went well.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

hey MTN,

i agree. around here most schools have a some kind of policy/process to handle it. if not you can talk to your local police department. sometimes the DARE program will also be involved in things like this.

i'm sorry your son is targeted. knowing that you are behind him will help. he may resist having something done but the lie that "it will make it worse".. only makes it worse, as i understand it.

have you checked into your son's FB - or better yet his friends/schoolmates - to see what kind of things are going on? as a parent you can learn a LOT about the kids your child hangs out with by clicking around. and sometimes printed out 'proof' may help your school tale action.

is there a trusted teacher or coach that could help? have you talked to the other parents? sometimes knowing that adult eyes are watching can make a difference.

can you get him involved in other activities, for instance a church group or 4H? having another circle of friends can prove to him that not all people are jerks.

and learning to deal with meanies is a good skill. we've all had bad bosses and co-workers and learning ways to handle them now will only help him in the long run.

hang in there

 

[kcsunshine]

And, on a completely different topic - YIKES - we had 1-3" of snow on Mount Leconte last evening. Are you ready gals?

 

[freemotion]

Parents, if you don't know this, you need to. My worst bullying experiences in high school took place with the teacher watching, making eye contact with me, holding my gaze, and by that, letting me know that she approved of the bullying. Don't count on teachers. The bullies know when and where they can bully and get away with it. My bullying experiences had to do with my religion. I've experienced it as an adult, too.

My parents talked with us a lot. We did most of our learning at home, although we went to public school, the learning that has served me the most in my life I got at home. We were always doing projects and learning about new things....that probably explains a lot about me now!

 

[Blackbird]

Yup, same here Monique, any of the teachers that knew did not care, and many joined in on bullying. I even had a phy-ed sub. teacher that was verbally abusive on a daily basis. When I reported him they told us they would fire him.. Still there to this day!

Being verbally and physically attacked at school on a daily basis.. It's no fun. So many people say that it's normal and that it 'teaches' kids how to handle things.. That's a lie. It isn't normal, and although it might help kids in a long run with their lives, they are MUCH better ways to learn whatever lessons those are.

I personally had no where to go between what was going on at school and what was going on at home that I tried committing suicide many times. The school I used to go to only cared about who's kid was who's and how they ranked in society, and what sports they played. Many times the teacher or principal would let the bully off free because of these things, and I would be the one in trouble.

The only way I was able to get away from that was to leave. :/ Not much help, am I?

 

[Javamama]

I agree too Free. I saw it happen when I was a kid, and I have a friend who recently sued the school district for the bullying of her children. And our school district has a no tolerance policy. But it only applies for certain kids. Her teen son attempted suicide last year. He lived and they have since moved.
I would do anything to protect my kids from it. I was bullied some and thank goodness I had a good enough head on my shoulders to give them the finger and move on. My son has experienced it from our neighbor kid and of course when confronted they blamed my son. Even though we saw the incidents happen. I would never say my son was 100% innocent, but they knew exactly how to tear him down. Their kid is a bully, and he gets it honest. Thank goodness he's in a different grade and school building than mine.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

i think its great to hear others experiences.

Free - i think the good news is that this has become such an issue that a lot of school districts HAVE to do something. which is totally different from when we were in school.

java - not surprisingly i was always giving them the finger too.
;-)

the worst bullying i got was from teachers, of all things. i put up with it silently until i think 9th grade and then one of the teachers went too far. my parents found out and my dad went up there. you know.. he WENT up there. well, that stupid teacher - the football coach - wasnt any kinda match for my father who was a war vet and a fighter pilot. it didnt go well for the coach and i was left alone after that.

knowing that my parents were behind me and that they did something helped and what i learned was that shining a light on a problem like that - and calling out the bullies - is what stops them.

i'm glad these mean kids are being prosecuted and that their names are being splashed all over the news. and the schools DO need to be held accountable. teachers are just like regular people... and being in a "power" position all day probably gets the better of them - thinking that they are untouchable. but the school administration would have a different reaction to a teacher picking on any kid.

and if anything - in this age of liability - as with java's example... a good lawsuit does wonders. while its a tragedy what happened to that kid - just think of all the kids it SAVED. this is what bibbird was talking about - the kind of change that needs to be made at a cultural level (i think).

another thing to keep in mind is all the successful people who were picked on/bullied/teased.. Tyra Banks, Bill Gates, etc.. and look at them now.

the founder/CEO of the software company i worked for was the fat jewish kid who was totally picked on all thru school. he didnt let it defeat him and he used his anger to fuel his success..... now, he's a demon in his field and all them kids who picked on him are buying his products.

the lunchroom at that company was a scream. it was like reverse high school. all the geeks, nerds, and weirdos ruled the roost. anyone who was called names or was pushed down walked in like a king into court and chose whatever seat they wanted... the jocks/beautiful people were looked down on and were shoved aside. the nerd herds ran the place. it was great.

the best thing about being an adult -- that you dont know if you are a kid -- is that not only can you find "your people" and where you fit in. but at some point you can get your revenge....by living well, that is.. and yes, its the best revenge.

 

[lalaland]

really great thread, and bibi, once again you have been incredibly articulate.

I think OFG has hit it on the nail with the comment that the big thing now seems to be celebrating how mean you can be - (paraphrasing there). I just don't get it either.

in my own little weird world, I have this believe that the more meanness that comes into the world (via tv shows, radio talk shows, movies, pop culture) the more meanness it creates - and so I don't watch/listen to that stuff.

scapegoating, though, is a popular sport and it also makes money. Historically, find a scapegoat and you'll find someone profiting by it. (example: women being identified as a "witch" in the colonies and being killed/burned for it - most were owners of property that then could be claimed by the brother of the dead husband, etc)

a lot of churches use anti gay stuff as a way to keep their congregrations reved up so they can keep the $ coming in, keep the congregration united and the business of the church going.

I love how someone can pick something out of the bible and use it as a weapon - and ignore all the bibilical verses that you might think of (casting the first stone, judge not lest you be judged, etc).

be kind because everyone has a hard time.

 

[dragonlaurel]

Bullies like to have their friends with them, so the person being picked on will feel outnumbered and be less likely to fight back. Happened to me many times. Then the worst bully surprised me one day and found out my reflexes were pretty good. She left me alone after that.
I did consider suicide for a while in jr high school, but decided that if I died, it would never have a chance to get better. I wanted to live long enough to balance out the bad stuff. It got a little easier in the next year, then much better after that.
Blackbird- You're a good friend, so I'm really glad you're still around. The world needs more people like you.

 

[Blackbird]

Why thank you DL
I'm glad I'm here too.

In my response to BibBird on her blog I mentioned a shift in the earth/universe.. Have you noticed this too Laura?