A friend of mine died on Christmas eve. Her daughter called me crying unintelligibly to tell me. I finally was able to make out her actual words after a while although for whatever reason - when the phone rang - I already had in my mind that Candace was calling to say her mother was dead.
Her name was Tammy and she lived in Colorado. She was barrelling down a utility road, hit an embankment, was not wearing a seatbelt and was partially ejected through the roof of the truck which then flipped over and landed on her.
Tammy and I were yin and yang. We had nothing in common. Nothing except the fact that we were both about the same age and pregnant and due at about the same time, carrying girls. Tammy tried to befriend me and I will tell the truth...I didn't make it easy for her. I could clearly see that we had nothing in common and I figured it just wouldn't work out. I was devoutly religious and she was hellbent to break any and all rules. She was a free spirit if I ever met one.
Well fast forward several years. She has two girls, I have two girls and we are very much friends. I have now realized that yin and yang actually compliment one another.
Some time after her girls were no longer babies, Tammy discovered horses. She wanted horses therefore she got horses. And she was never so happy as astride a horse. Wayne would watch the girls and she and I would go riding. In our relationship she was the leader and I the follower. If she wanted to do something, I was usually swept along. She had that habit you know, of sweeping people along. And so she led and I followed. We would ride through town, cross the tracks and wind along the golf course heading to Jack Smith Park. By the time we arrived it would be black dark with only the stars twinkling and if we were lucky - the moon shining bright.
As we approached the grass of the park, the horses would quiver with excitement and I would hold my horse back. But not Tammy. She would lean forward, run her hand over the horse's shoulder and whisper to him - then kick him into a gallop with her heels, moving from an easy walk, skipping right past a canter and going straight to full out run. And she would race him across the grassy lawn riding flat out as fast as the horse could carry her, wheeling around at the end of the park and racing back just as fast: barrel racing with invisible barrels.
At the end of her racing, she would always, ALWAYS want to swim the horses across a narrow band of water. It frightened me. I worried that something would happen but she always looked me straight in the eye and said everything would be fine. And I followed her.
Easing the horses down into the water she would ride, and the horse would walk along in the water until he suddenly bobbed up, buoyed by the water. And she was right, nothing ever happened, until something did happen. She was well into the water, the horse's legs churning away as it swam when suddenly the horse seemed to panick. And he went over sideways and with him, down went Tammy. I was never more frightened in my life. I was astride a horse in the water, in the black of night, and my friend and her horse have suddenly gone under with only the roiling water to tell me where they are. And the horse came up. And it seemed like forever... and she came up spluttering and laughing.
I was crying and beside myself with worry but she swam to shore, pulled herself out and flopped down on the sand. I was screaming at her - telling her how frightened I had been, that she could have been seriously hurt. She said she was hurt. That he had kicked her when they went under. "and then when I got really scared, I just put my feet against him and pushed away" she laughed. And then she called the horse and swung herself up, and rode down into the water again just to show that she wasn't afraid.
I have a million memories of Tammy. I chose this one for a reason.
For most of us, life is something that happens to us. Life didn't happen to Tammy - she dictated her own path in life. Tammy was outrageously alive. Some people watch life and for them that is living. I am of that ilk. But others, well others simply eat life up - and that is what she did. If life kicked her - she kicked back. She lived in all caps. So while I am sorry at her passing, I know that while she was alive - she was absolutely 100% ALIVE.
