Rebecca's journal-may be time to restart this
- Thread starter rebecca100
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savingdogs
Queen Filksinger
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I have to agree, there are red flags here. That is a pretty immature thing for a 32-year-old man to say to his wife, ESPECIALLY being in a calm voice,and YOU should not have to move out if he is bored. Marriage is not all fun fun fun and boredom is natural at some point if you are married long enough, you work on the marriage, you change things up, you don't just tell the other person to LEAVE with the kids.
And if I were you, I would not GO, you are establishing your residence and the place your kids will live. Make sure you set them up in the best house. This could be the prelude to being "left." I would assume so if that were happening to me.
Being the way you are is an asset, don't let him make you feel hokey or inadequate. You are not being appreciated. He would rather you WASTE money? In this economy? This all sounds extremely immature, and actually, like a lie told by a man motivated by something else. I don't know your hubby, but don't let the shock of this allow him to push you around. Get a real strong backbone. You need it for your kids right now,if not yourself. Say fine, you are bored, go do your thing, but you had better be ready to send most of your money supporting the kids cuz you are gonna make sure he doesn't take his new, higher income and not share it with his children, that you won't let him be that utterly selfish. He married you for better or worse, now things have gotten BETTER and he wants to leave? He needs to man up.
Personally I'd be questioning if this is a man you really WANT. If this is how he behaves when things are good, what will happen when the chips are down? To tell you the truth, I would suspect he is having an affair, or wants to have one and at least isn't cheating, getting rid of you all first. How kind. Boredom is not enough reason to tell your family to leave. And I really cannot imagine what my reaction to this would be. Certainly to love him a little less. Bored with his kids? At 32? Shame on him. I'd be reevaluating my feelings towards this man right now if I were you, and finding a good lawyer to protect yourself. At the very least, do not allow him to treat you this way. Demand more of him.
I only know a very small piece of your story overall, so I could be waaaaay offbase, but be careful! I ran this story by my hubby, his remark was "Get as much cash as you can from your accounts and get a lawyer tomorrow."
And if I were you, I would not GO, you are establishing your residence and the place your kids will live. Make sure you set them up in the best house. This could be the prelude to being "left." I would assume so if that were happening to me.
Being the way you are is an asset, don't let him make you feel hokey or inadequate. You are not being appreciated. He would rather you WASTE money? In this economy? This all sounds extremely immature, and actually, like a lie told by a man motivated by something else. I don't know your hubby, but don't let the shock of this allow him to push you around. Get a real strong backbone. You need it for your kids right now,if not yourself. Say fine, you are bored, go do your thing, but you had better be ready to send most of your money supporting the kids cuz you are gonna make sure he doesn't take his new, higher income and not share it with his children, that you won't let him be that utterly selfish. He married you for better or worse, now things have gotten BETTER and he wants to leave? He needs to man up.
Personally I'd be questioning if this is a man you really WANT. If this is how he behaves when things are good, what will happen when the chips are down? To tell you the truth, I would suspect he is having an affair, or wants to have one and at least isn't cheating, getting rid of you all first. How kind. Boredom is not enough reason to tell your family to leave. And I really cannot imagine what my reaction to this would be. Certainly to love him a little less. Bored with his kids? At 32? Shame on him. I'd be reevaluating my feelings towards this man right now if I were you, and finding a good lawyer to protect yourself. At the very least, do not allow him to treat you this way. Demand more of him.
I only know a very small piece of your story overall, so I could be waaaaay offbase, but be careful! I ran this story by my hubby, his remark was "Get as much cash as you can from your accounts and get a lawyer tomorrow."
Henrietta23
Yard Farmer
pinkfox
Super Self-Sufficient
my boyfrined of over 5 years effectivly ended our relationship wiht an "im just not happy" and an "im bored"
he was fishing for an 'open relationship'
he was not as far as i can gether, cheating on me at the time...
but wanted to and justified those thoughts because of boredome...
he aproached me with the "im not happy" in hoped that i would allow him to be happy ersuing other women...and i did...just not in the way he expected...i simply said, "if your not hapy then its not working and i wont be in an unhappy relationship" and then it was over...
in this case...
is he cheating? probably not...
is he thinking about it...
honestly it sounds like he is...or something else major that hes feeling guilty about.
i will sya if you and the kids would HAPPILY live comfortably on the other proptery go for it, let him have the hosue if you dont want it but make sure its very clear, hes 100% responsible for continuing to support his family which includes you, and includes heating and power to the new property where you guys would be living...
also id personally make it very clear that he has a limited amount of time to figure this out before further action will be taken...
if he wants something new and shiney...let him hav it...but not at YOUR expense.
you and the kids come first plain and simple, be that seperated or divorsed...
PLEASE trust your instincts..somehting is telling you this is not right...which means 100% that this is NOT right!
i do agree with the others thouhg that its rather fresh of him to presume YOU and the kids should be the ones to move out rather than him...
he was fishing for an 'open relationship'
he was not as far as i can gether, cheating on me at the time...
but wanted to and justified those thoughts because of boredome...
he aproached me with the "im not happy" in hoped that i would allow him to be happy ersuing other women...and i did...just not in the way he expected...i simply said, "if your not hapy then its not working and i wont be in an unhappy relationship" and then it was over...
in this case...
is he cheating? probably not...
is he thinking about it...
honestly it sounds like he is...or something else major that hes feeling guilty about.
i will sya if you and the kids would HAPPILY live comfortably on the other proptery go for it, let him have the hosue if you dont want it but make sure its very clear, hes 100% responsible for continuing to support his family which includes you, and includes heating and power to the new property where you guys would be living...
also id personally make it very clear that he has a limited amount of time to figure this out before further action will be taken...
if he wants something new and shiney...let him hav it...but not at YOUR expense.
you and the kids come first plain and simple, be that seperated or divorsed...
PLEASE trust your instincts..somehting is telling you this is not right...which means 100% that this is NOT right!
i do agree with the others thouhg that its rather fresh of him to presume YOU and the kids should be the ones to move out rather than him...
Henrietta23
Yard Farmer
Don't suppose he'd be willing to do some sort of couple's counseling or something like that? I would be 
too if I were in your shoes.
too if I were in your shoes.
gettinaclue
Almost Self-Reliant
I ran this story by my hubby, his remark was "Get as much cash as you can from your accounts and get a lawyer tomorrow."
Exactly.
Just from what little you have said....sounds like he's been running around. Going to work THAT early? Sounds like he is going to see someone...and no one just all of the sudden decides they're bored.
Now all of the sudden he's nice? It really sounds like to me he's been mulling this over. Sounds like he's setting you up to leave you and the kids. Don't let him get over on you. FIGHT.
Exactly.
Just from what little you have said....sounds like he's been running around. Going to work THAT early? Sounds like he is going to see someone...and no one just all of the sudden decides they're bored.
Now all of the sudden he's nice? It really sounds like to me he's been mulling this over. Sounds like he's setting you up to leave you and the kids. Don't let him get over on you. FIGHT.
Farmfresh
City Biddy
I am in the get the cash and sign the papers crowd.
Something is definitely going on ... or is about to. Him moving you all out is to give himself more freedom or maybe just to help the guilt thing. He probably thinks he can try out this new idea and then decide what to do for the long run later.
Don't show him upset. Just show him SS. Be as nice as possible all very calm, kind and matter of a fact. "Sure! - time away sounds fine" to you, but on YOUR terms and with protections for YOUR (he is tired of them, right?) kids. Heck have him sign custody over to you. Get the cash. Your own bank accounts. Get the property (which ever one YOU want) Quit Claimed to you. (It can always be signed back.) Just in case you are sitting secure no matter how this all turns out. Don't move on his schedule move on yours.
If he wants to spend some time with you OR the kids. Make a date. No wandering in and out of your lives on HIS schedule.
He needs to feel a loss in this deal. This is his idea, so give him what he asks for ... in spades. Just a temporary thing possibly ... when you are ready things can go back like they were.
Something is definitely going on ... or is about to. Him moving you all out is to give himself more freedom or maybe just to help the guilt thing. He probably thinks he can try out this new idea and then decide what to do for the long run later.
Don't show him upset. Just show him SS. Be as nice as possible all very calm, kind and matter of a fact. "Sure! - time away sounds fine" to you, but on YOUR terms and with protections for YOUR (he is tired of them, right?) kids. Heck have him sign custody over to you. Get the cash. Your own bank accounts. Get the property (which ever one YOU want) Quit Claimed to you. (It can always be signed back.) Just in case you are sitting secure no matter how this all turns out. Don't move on his schedule move on yours.
If he wants to spend some time with you OR the kids. Make a date. No wandering in and out of your lives on HIS schedule.
He needs to feel a loss in this deal. This is his idea, so give him what he asks for ... in spades. Just a temporary thing possibly ... when you are ready things can go back like they were.
Lady Henevere
Lovin' The Homestead
A different perspective.....
Is it possible that he's just bored and having a bit of an identity crisis? Jumping from $20K to $70K is huge, and can make you re-assess things about your life, asking questions like, "What have I settled for because money was tight, and what do I really want now that I can afford more?" Add lack of direction to that, and it's pretty easy to sort of "lose your footing" in life for a while. You said he was sitting around the house and went to work because he was bored -- is it possible that he just needs a good hobby? (My DH is SO much easier to be around when he's got a good project going, and he's restless and irritable when he doesn't have enough to do.) What does he normally do at home when he's not working? What makes him happy in life? What is he doing when he's having fun? There's definitely something about being home that is not fulfilling him, but I wouldn't necessarily jump to the worst-case scenario about cheating or getting a divorce. Maybe he just needs to buy that old car he's been wanting to fix up, so he can feel important and needed while teaching your eldest about carburetors. Maybe it's time to get that woodworking equipment he's always wanted so he can put his creativity to work. In my experience, men tend to get bored and restless before they cheat, and it sounds to me like he's bored and restless, and perhaps trying to figure out what direction to go now that some things are more financially possible than they were before.
No matter what, you two need to talk! Get to the bottom of his dissatisfaction, and see what you can do to fix it. Running for the door at the first sign of trouble is not always the best or smartest solution, especially when kids are involved.
Best of luck to you.
Is it possible that he's just bored and having a bit of an identity crisis? Jumping from $20K to $70K is huge, and can make you re-assess things about your life, asking questions like, "What have I settled for because money was tight, and what do I really want now that I can afford more?" Add lack of direction to that, and it's pretty easy to sort of "lose your footing" in life for a while. You said he was sitting around the house and went to work because he was bored -- is it possible that he just needs a good hobby? (My DH is SO much easier to be around when he's got a good project going, and he's restless and irritable when he doesn't have enough to do.) What does he normally do at home when he's not working? What makes him happy in life? What is he doing when he's having fun? There's definitely something about being home that is not fulfilling him, but I wouldn't necessarily jump to the worst-case scenario about cheating or getting a divorce. Maybe he just needs to buy that old car he's been wanting to fix up, so he can feel important and needed while teaching your eldest about carburetors. Maybe it's time to get that woodworking equipment he's always wanted so he can put his creativity to work. In my experience, men tend to get bored and restless before they cheat, and it sounds to me like he's bored and restless, and perhaps trying to figure out what direction to go now that some things are more financially possible than they were before.
No matter what, you two need to talk! Get to the bottom of his dissatisfaction, and see what you can do to fix it. Running for the door at the first sign of trouble is not always the best or smartest solution, especially when kids are involved.
Best of luck to you.
