Rebecca's journal-may be time to restart this

[dragonlaurel]

Sorry you're going through this. I know it sounds like he is pushing you out to the other property, but isn't that the property you were really wanting to live at anyway? IF he's going to be a jerk- he can have the little property you didn't like much- and you can have the 10 acres.

Whether he is cheating or not is not the most important issue here. The important part is to make sure you and the kids don't have to suffer for his decision. See a lawyer to make sure your kids don't get royally screwed.

I don't know if you will want a divorce or not, but a legal separation will help protect you while you figure things out. Sounds like he needs plexiglass surgery to me. That's when the Dr inserts a piece of plexiglass in the belly so the can see when their head is up their rear.

 

[ksalvagno]

Sorry you are going through this. I don't think I would call his mom though. If things get worse down the road, it could cause you more problems.

Is living at the other place something that would be good for you? Is the trailer a good one to live in?

 

[Wifezilla]

"Get as much cash as you can from your accounts and get a lawyer tomorrow."

Hate to be a negative Nancy, but yeah. That. If he comes out and says he is having an affair (or wants to be with someone in the future) and he doesn't want to be married, you then know you need to protect yourself, your kids and your future. That means it is going to cost him money. If you are confused and still dependent on his goodwill...you will be MUCH easier to manipulate.

I would give him one last time to be honest and truthful, but be prepared for the worst.

 

[rebecca100]

My head hurts. I am still confused. One thing about it the property he will be staying on is in my name only. It was my parents land. Tomorrow I am going to have a talk with him and try to find out exactly what is going on. Everything that has been said has gone through my mind. I am not ready to give up, however I think this incident will definitely change how I think of him. One thing I do not doubt though is his love for the kids. And I thought for me. I mean after 12 years he decides this? I don't know if we are just really getting on his nerves and he just needs some time alone? For how long? I mean what the heck is going on? Does he just no want us anymore period?

 

[abifae]

People react to stress in very odd ways. Maybe this is his version of a midlife crisis and the stress of having money now and it's something you can work through. Good luck talking to him!!!

 

[gettinaclue]

 

[savingdogs]

My head hurts. I am still confused. One thing about it the property he will be staying on is in my name only. It was my parents land. Tomorrow I am going to have a talk with him and try to find out exactly what is going on. Everything that has been said has gone through my mind. I am not ready to give up, however I think this incident will definitely change how I think of him. One thing I do not doubt though is his love for the kids. And I thought for me. I mean after 12 years he decides this? I don't know if we are just really getting on his nerves and he just needs some time alone? For how long? I mean what the heck is going on? Does he just no want us anymore period?

A man who loves you tells you to leave and take the kids because he is bored? You are sure he loves the kids? Sounds more like he loves himself.

I'm not saying you should "give up" but I would make sure if you stay with him, he learns that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated by you. He doesn't even have a reason for this ....."boredom" is not a reason to leave the mother of your children and your children.

Perhaps if the property is in your name it is safer that way, PERHAPS NOT, but you need some legal advice at this point. I would do that BEFORE you have your talk with him.

 

[Wannabefree]

A different perspective.....

Is it possible that he's just bored and having a bit of an identity crisis? Jumping from $20K to $70K is huge, and can make you re-assess things about your life, asking questions like, "What have I settled for because money was tight, and what do I really want now that I can afford more?" Add lack of direction to that, and it's pretty easy to sort of "lose your footing" in life for a while. You said he was sitting around the house and went to work because he was bored -- is it possible that he just needs a good hobby? (My DH is SO much easier to be around when he's got a good project going, and he's restless and irritable when he doesn't have enough to do.) What does he normally do at home when he's not working? What makes him happy in life? What is he doing when he's having fun? There's definitely something about being home that is not fulfilling him, but I wouldn't necessarily jump to the worst-case scenario about cheating or getting a divorce. Maybe he just needs to buy that old car he's been wanting to fix up, so he can feel important and needed while teaching your eldest about carburetors. Maybe it's time to get that woodworking equipment he's always wanted so he can put his creativity to work. In my experience, men tend to get bored and restless before they cheat, and it sounds to me like he's bored and restless, and perhaps trying to figure out what direction to go now that some things are more financially possible than they were before.

No matter what, you two need to talk! Get to the bottom of his dissatisfaction, and see what you can do to fix it. Running for the door at the first sign of trouble is not always the best or smartest solution, especially when kids are involved.

Best of luck to you.

I tend to agree with this. Lots of changes are going on. Change, whether positive or negative, is STILL stress, that is the true definition of stress. If you two are losing track of each other, make yourself more available to do things with him. Get a sitter and go out now that you have the means to do so. DH and I went through this as well. It wasn't that either of us were cheating, we just got lost in everything life was throwing at us at the time. We shut down communication and soon we were both sleeping with a total stranger(each other), it is very very upsetting and shocking when you first come to that realization. Sounds like you two just need to find your way back to each other. You're not getting on his nerves, the realization that you all are strangers is getting on his nerves if I were to make a bet on the situation. This may be just his breaking point. You two need to talk and make a decision, being married, and just living apart is not the answer. A firm decision needs to be made, together, one way or the other. If the decision is to stay together, I don't recommend counselling. I recommend dating, you remember how to do that, right? Have some fun, and get to know each other again. Do a weekend getaway every couple of months, and get back to where you started from. The honeymoon doesn't HAVE to be over, ever.

 

[pinkfox]

see WBF and LH normally i woudl say yes...but the fact this guy said hes bored of the kids...
its not like kids are paint, you cant just 'get bored" and push them away...

bored of the marriage, bored with the bedroom habits sure...but you cant just tell your wife of 12 years that your bored of her and the kids and they should just move out...thats not "i need a hobby" type behaviour...

i dunno, ive known lots of "special" men in my life and this screams midlife crisis with potential to cheat if not already done so to me...
but again...
boredom is the same excuse my now ex used to try and get allowance to sleep with other people...so i will admit potential to be bias.
side note my ex is the exact same age as your hubby...and while 32 doesnt seem like midlife crisis age...it could very well still be...which means potential to have to deal with this bull again when hes 50.

you do whats right for YOU and THE KIDS plain and simple...

i do think sitting him down and making him give you CLEAR answers is a very good idea.

 

[sufficientforme]