Rebecca's journal-may be time to restart this

[MorelCabin]

He definitely is there with you, and hearing your prayers.

 

[BeccaOH]

Good to hear from you. I'm so glad you are finding support and God's presence through this.

 

[sufficientforme]

Fantastic update Rebecca! I believe our destiny is planned long before the plans we make for ourselves

 

[rebecca100]

I went to that church today, and I felt so loved and welcomed. People I had never met were hugging me and leading me by the hand. Dh and I kinda got into it when I told him that I was never going to give up on him and that I would pray for him and his return until I died if need be. I said it with love and kindness, and I have been careful NOT to respond with anger no matter what he says. It has been hard several ltimes when I know he was trying to hurt me with his words. I know that sounds crazy but my heart and God I believe are telling me NOT to give up on him. I found this site the other day and it confirmed how I already felt. https://rejoiceministries.org/ I love the standers affirmation. It said everything I felt in a much more eloquent way than I ever could. The fact I would not give up on him made him angry, but I know it doesnt matter what he thinks now- in the end it will be made right. I also have rehomed all my animals with the exception of the milk goat and the sebbie geese. DH has still refused any contact with his family and told me that he plans on marrying as soon as we get divorced. His sister is getting married in two months and moving and has offered the kids and I her house. Right now I feel as if it would be a good thing for all of us to be close, but I am still praying for guidance on it. I am praying for him daily and also for the woman he is with to be reconciled with her own husband. The other day he said he knew that he was hurting me and that if i wanted he would move us down with his truck in a couple of days when he was off from work. I agreed and when I did he started accusing me of trying to punish him by taking away the kids. HE was the one brought up moving us down there by his family NOT me! Things like that make me know there is still confusion in his life. He also asked me to pray for him to know what to do and then the next day he acted like he hated all of us. Right now I am just trying to stay away from him and not have ANY contact until he contacts me first. I'm afraid that by us having too much contact that it is driving him away, but I noticed that there is never a point that he doesnt come in the house and sit for no apparent reason even when he is angry. Last time it was almost as if he didn't want to leave. Of course I could be reading more into his actions than there is, but knowing him I dont think I am. At least I hope not!

 

[MorelCabin]

Rebecca, if the Lord is telling you in your spirit not to give up, then you just keep on praying for him. I don't know what is going on with this man of yours but he is VERY confused if he is already talking about marrying this woman he really doesn't know. Claim the blood on him, ask that the confusion be lifted. And you just keep being you, and faithful to God's leading. You will be okay!

 

[Wannabefree]

Rebecca, I am just now catching up, and am sorry to hear the news of another woman. I will continue praying for God's will for you and your family.

 

[rebecca100]

I still have my nubian that I'm going to give FIL. I went to put her up a minute ago and walked out on the porch just in time to watch a chase go past my house! Two cops were chasing a red pickup. They were going so fast that I barely heard a siren for just a second. They finally caught him after he almost wrecked and got on the wrong side of the road. Is that a bad sign when there are chases going on past my house? lol I'll be so glad to get outta here! Its starting to get bad around here.

 

[Denim Deb]

We had I don't know how many cop cars on our street not to long ago to catch a guy w/a knife. And, I live on a very quiet street!

How are things going?

 

[rebecca100]

Well so far things are still the same and I dont look for them to change in the next few days although I could be suprised. MIL was going to come down and get the camper for us that I packed with our stuff. Dh got really angry when he found out. Said she wasnt welcome here. I dont know what is issue about his mother coming here is or with his dad for that matter. I informed him nicely but firmly that this was my land and she was always welcome here. He keeps changing what he tells me to the point I am getting everything in writing before I do anything. Today I was just tired. He came by. He was overdrafted so I gave him some money to last until he got paid. I was not friendly. By the time he left though he was following me into the house and back out to the car trying to tell me he loved me and thanking me for the money. I didnt be friendly. It is time for him to quit playing games. I am still praying for him and not giving up, but I don't have to let him walk all over me. Originally the deal was that he gave me everything, now that I am selling stuff he wants all the money to go toward the divorce. I let him know that was NOT happening. At best I would split the money with him either way though it wont add up to much. Maybe $250 each or so. Enough to help pay for his mothers gas to come get our stuff. He dropped the subject. I told him that he would pay for the divorce all on his own not one cent of mine would go towards it. I was trying to leave to go sell the woodsplitter and of course just my luck I get in the car with him watching and it wouldnt start. The battery terminal was loose and he insisted on fixing it even though I told him to leave it alone.
I know I have the camper, but he didn't want it to go either and I know the boat is going to be an issue. I am still praying on how to deal with all this. I went to an old friends that I hadnt seen in a long time and we all prayed together. It was nice finally being around other Christian adults visiting. They gave dd a guitar and she is thrilled. When we get there her Papa is going to teach her to play. The kids an I went fishing the other day and caught a couple of bass. It broke my heart when they told me they like fishing with daddy gone because it was more fun because I dont yell at them for getting tangled and stuff. SILs new husband is into the SS thing and I am really happy about that since all of us will be living within a couple of miles of each other. It is so much easier to be ss when your not alone in it. His parents are into SS too. This whole thing though with him running off and working but having to borrow money from me who isn't working and me going to be close to HIS parents that he'll have nothing to do with all just seems so wrong LOL. Like some kind of weird nightmare. At least this time I will be close but not in the house with them! The nearly drove me nuts living in the house with them before!

 

[Holachicka]

I'm wondering if it's possible that he's ashamed of his actions, and that's why he doesn't want to be around his folks? Stay strong, you are doing great and being a strong foundation for your kids while everything else is crazy. *hugs*