Stuck between a rock & hard place....new questions???

[Wannabefree]

well you just summed up wht I have been feeling since getting DD14's report card. We HAVE homeschooled for 3 years and let her go back to public school this past year. Went from A student(except Math which was high B in homeschool) to B's in everything and straight low C's in Math. I am SO frustrated with this child. I WANTED her to be able to go to P.S. to a large degree, but this has proven to me she can't handle it. SO back to homeschool. She's angry, I'm angry, and we have argued literally ALL stinkin day. *sigh* She HAS been diagnosed with ADD and refuses to take the meds. She complains about the meds ALL the time. I have some experience with other ADD children, and she is by far one of the worst I have personally had to deal with. No motivation, very VERY bright, made a 19 on the ACT this year, so I have NO DOUBT she CAN do the work, but she just won't. :/ I feel your pain!!!! I don't know what to do either, other than put her back in homeschool and WATCH her take her meds daily. I found out she had been skipping those

 

[abifae]

Wow. Don't know what to tell you!!!

I mean, if it's a learning disability, you teach them to cope.
But if it's just not caring... not sure how you combat that lol. Especially when they are too young to realize their choices now will make things later on much more difficult, like if they have any interest in college.

:/

Some kids outgrow it. Some kids don't. But most parents make it through LOL!!

 

[Wannabefree]

abi, mine is interested in college...just not so much in what it takes to get into a good one To borrow a line from Rosanne..."this is why some animals eat their young" seriously...they know what's comin' so they nip it before it gets so bad

 

[TanksHill]

I have a question. If the kids have been "failing for years" have they been held back?

Is the school promoting them to the next grade even though they are not passing? I would think the work is probably so overwhelming for them now.

I know when my now 5th grader started public and was evaluated for ADHD he was almost 2 years behind in Language Arts. This actually worked in his favor. He qualified for more help.

I would get a second medical opinion.

Then go to the school and request to have them tested.

Good luck.

g

 

[FarmerChick]

FC-we have and it only worked temporarily and the more we pushed them, the worse it got

WZ-pediatrician says 9yo is MAYBE mild/borderline ADD and 11yo is (I can't remember the official name but has to do with authority issues?)

it worked temporarily--shows you are on the right path

what 'worse' happened? did they rebel and you gave up?
if they rebelled then, best you should never have given up but just guessing on that cause don't know the circumstances.

I wondered about failing also. are they progressing thru their grades?

 

[believer11]

You have my empathy as I went thru this with DD. And it started and got worse while we were homeschooling.....

Then while researching natural remedies for depression to help a friends 17 yr old DD, I read about Serotonin Deficiency Syndrome and that changed our lives. I never took DD to a 'real' doc to get dx b/c then it would be on her medical records (bad, especially once they're grown up) plus the time and expense and I don't really trust the conventional med/psy drs anyway.

The description of SDS fit my DD to a tee....as well as my hubby, his mom and at least one of his 3 sisters. There are also 3 niece/nephew with same type issues. So I felt pretty confident that I was headed in the right direction. And the natural treatment for it wouldn't hurt her even if the dx wasn't correct so what the hay!

She was 13 at the time, weighed about 110#. I gave her 50 mg of a supplement, 5-HTP, 1 each am and pm. Actually, I took it for a couple weeks and she noticed (it was an odd size/shape) and inquired (you don't dare suggest there's anything wrong with her, so certainly she wouldn't need to take something for it). I explained that it would help me produce serotonin which would curb my carb cravings so that I could loose some weight, and sleep better.

She was all over that!!! Started taking it that day. Three days later she was about 80% better! Took it for 3 yrs (Thank God) and we had peace and she did very well in school. At 16 she decided that it hadn't helped her weight (she refused to eat 'right') and quit taking it. Within days she was abrupt, disrespectful, had unreasonable anger, and it took a great deal for her to feel pleasure (symptoms of SDS).

In case it's not SDS, you can still research to see if you can find something that fits their attitude problems. There is a great deal of research on how allergies (especially to foods like gluten, fruit, cheese, etc) can cause severe personality disorders, but drs don't normally explore them (not enough $?). Dr Doris Rapp has some great books and a website with more info.

Hope this helps some!

 

[Wifezilla]

I think it is time to throw an IEP hissy fit at the school.

 

[old fashioned]

First of all, to all that have or are going thru this too.

Tankshill--Elem school continues to pass them from year to year until 5th grade when they then will suggest summer school and/or holding them back from going on to middle school when the kids don't get passing scores on at least 2 out of 3 of the state tests for Reading, Writing and Math. But it is the parents decision if the kid does ss or hold back or not. For DS11 I agreed to SS, and if he doesn't up his scores then hold him back. He did go to summer school, was retested and passed reading & writing but just barely. All of his scores were within just a few points of either passing or not min. grade level expectation.
Maybe I shouldn't have said 'failing for years' but more of not up to their potential. ES doesn't have letter grades but a number system. 1 -below GLE, 2-meets min GLE, 3-meets GLE, 4-exceeds GLE. Both boys have usually gotten 1's & 2's, maybe one 3 OR 4 but not very often.

FC--Things getting worse-When I laid down the law 'you have NO life except school & homework until better grades'. They worked their butts off for about a week then started slipping again. I kept after them to do it & get er done. DS11 would start trying to find every excuse in the book to get out of it and I wouldn't except anything BUT completed h/w. And the fights progressed from there, but nobody ever won. He'd end up crying in his room by bedtime. DS9 who doesn't like conflict would just shut down and not do anything. I'd end up drained, exhausted and in tears. DH would be either in the arguement too or trying to stay out of it.
Needless to say it would end in disaster and after a few weeks I wasn't willing to put my family thru that anymore. I love my kids and I want them to do their best in school and in life, but I can't force them.

WZ--have been working on that this year. School has said no IEP without DR diagnosis. DS11 does have one in place as in assignments given in smaller chunks, more time to do it, special seating. DS9 doesn't because Dr wouldn't confirm diagnosis.

I do have to say here that I have been concerned about and don't trust DR's overdiagnosing ADD & other disorders and the meds to treat them.
They probably would do better in a smaller learning environment as in one on one, but because of conflicts h/s isn't really an option.

 

[FarmerChick]

I understand it must have been miserable in the home. Kids can sure create upheavel.

but honestly, they won. and of course a kid can do that....a kid has the time in life to win thru controlling the home. a kid doesn't have to work at anything truly. no job, no bills, no daily exhaustion like a parent obviously.

think Supernanny...lol...no, not advocating the show etc....but one thing that nanny says is you don't give up seriously. the kid will bow but the fight can be very long.

it isn't forcing them, it is re-training them. and that battle could be so hard as you lived it lol

I hope you find what solution will work for you cause obviously just passing this grade by the hair of his chinny chin chin was lucky. and it only gets harder with subjects so yea, maybe the threat of being held back and not following his friends might light a fire under their butts. then they have something to work for, to hang with their friends that progress into higher grades.

hmm..might work for you in upcoming grades? the threat of being held back.

hang in there...best one can do

 

[aggieterpkatie]

For the life of me I will never understand the stigma about putting ADD kids on meds. My dad and my brother both have ADD and my brother was young when my parents and doctor figured it out. He is not hyper active. He's a polite, nice kid, who could not focus on a task to save his life, unless it was a fun task like building something out of legos. He wasn't doing his work in school, and he would day dream all day. They put him on Ritalin (and then later switched to Aderol) on school days only, and the change was unbelievable! Finally he was able to concentrate in school and get the work done. His grades soared after that.

Why put kids and families through years of frustrating struggles when meds can be a good option? Yes, they're not for everyone, but you wouldn't tell a diabetic not to take insulin! Sometimes meds are the best option.

I'm not saying that's what's going on with OP's kids, but I hate the negative stigma that goes on with medicating ADD kids/people.