Stuck between a rock & hard place....new questions???

[TanksHill]

I agree Aggie.

 

[abifae]

It's the overdiagnosis that's the issue. Out of those two or three kids that really do have issues that NEED medication, it seems there are another hundred drugged into submission. Also, they are finding that kids who take those drugs earlier in life are more likely to have drug issues as teenagers and adults (and that seems to be true more for those other hundred than the two or three who need it).

They are also using the drugs instead of parenting or behavior modification or therapy or dietary change.

I'm extremely against drugs for almost anything (in a country that overdiagnoses and overdrugs so much, I feel safer saying try everything else first) and I would still be thrilled to have a doctor who would give me nice low doses of anti depressants or valium to deal with my autism.

 

[Wifezilla]

While meds may have helped me as a kid, I doubt I would have ever needed them in the first place if I wasn't fed a steady diet of carbs and sugar.

 

[old fashioned]

My concerns about medicating are side effects, having to go thru several med changes to find the right one and having seen (in a few diff kids) what meds do. One did a complete personality/attitude change (from one extreme to the other as in a raving lunatic to sugary sweet) in a matter of a few minutes. Another went from being a lovable ornery turd to some kind of quiet, evil plotting monster. That may sound extreme but you could see it in his eyes and it sent chills down my spine.
Granted that the first kid probably had the right meds while the second was definately on the wrong meds, but there was such a dramatic change in such short of time that it was downright scary.
I dunno, maybe I just don't want my kids to be at the mercy of meds their whole life in order to cope with a messed up world. Nor do I want them to become 'yes ma'am, no ma'am' robots.

Right now I'm just not sure if it is some disability, kids rebellion, bad parenting or the crap schools try to shove down their throats as an education. But after unloading here, doing some more research and spring conferences coming up, I'll have a better idea on which way to handle it.

Thank you all for listening and feedback, ideas and suggestions I really appreciate it and needed 'outside' opinions.

 

[Henrietta23]

While meds may have helped me as a kid, I doubt I would have ever needed them in the first place if I wasn't fed a steady diet of carbs and sugar.

This would have been me as well. I can see now that I am ADD to some extent. My diet was awful! If I ate a vegetable it came out of a can. My diet was largely beige. I had the attention span of a flea. I have a whole host of health issues now that I blame on my childhood diet.
I have spoken at length on my own journal thread about unwillingness to put my DS on meds for ADHD, whether he was diagnosed or not. My reading on stimulant meds scared the poo out of me! Granted what I was reading was intended to scare the poo out of me... but I will say I have worked with a number of kids who do seem to be helped by meds very much. I am watching one of my students go through some med changes right now. All I can say is whoa!! It's incredible to see the differences from day to day!

As a public school employee who has her own kid in private school I do feel for you. And I have no answers. It's hard to have advice without knowing more I think. DS still struggles with his focus and impulsive behaviors, which are what get in his way when he struggles at school. What helps us most is keeping him to his diet of avoiding the foods he is even mildly sensitive to, keeping up with the supplements provided by our naturpath, keeping a steady routine whenever possible, making sure he gets enough sleep, limiting TV and other electronics. It helps enough that we have been able to avoid medication.

Sorry to not be more helpful. I have seen other families go through similar situations. I wish you the best!!!

 

[old fashioned]

It's the overdiagnosis that's the issue. Out of those two or three kids that really do have issues that NEED medication, it seems there are another hundred drugged into submission. Also, they are finding that kids who take those drugs earlier in life are more likely to have drug issues as teenagers and adults (and that seems to be true more for those other hundred than the two or three who need it).

They are also using the drugs instead of parenting or behavior modification or therapy or dietary change.

I'm extremely against drugs for almost anything (in a country that overdiagnoses and overdrugs so much, I feel safer saying try everything else first) and I would still be thrilled to have a doctor who would give me nice low doses of anti depressants or valium to deal with my autism.

That's hitting the nail right on the head! yep.


WZ-carbs not so much, since they both seem to steer away. Sugar on the other hand is another story and is usually only allowed in small moderation. They aren't really affected one way or the other with or without sugar.

Hen-yeah I've been noticing my own brain cooties. Even in trying to keep up with this thread my brain is sooo overloaded with thoughts and having trouble getting it typed in such a way for it to make sense to others without going on and on with too much detail. As Abi would probably put it...'a gazillion thoughts all flying hither and yon, some crashing into brilliant fireworks all inside me little brain' or something like that.

ETA-I think mine is 'adult onset' or menopause or is that mentalpause???

 

[abifae]

As Abi would probably put it...'a gazillion thoughts all flying hither and yon, some crashing into brilliant fireworks all inside me little brain' or something like that.

Wow! I say awesome stuff!

 

[MsPony]

Well, what do they want to do or learn then? You have to remember, reg school curricula is boring these days.

I wanted to manage the barn and train horses. So I got to go to the barn everyday and occasionally skip school for horse-educational purposes. The deal w/ my trainer and mom was that I had to pass my classes. I could not do physics for the life of me, so I ended up taking it one summer at CC.

Fiance wanted to work on cars. He passed classes, went to the mechanics shop after school and ended up working there for a few years after HS.

 

[Dace]

As someone whose kids struggle with the same unknown cause of not doing well in school, I just need to add my 2 cents.

I struggled in school for no apparent reason other than laziness. It is something that I simply cannot explain except that I did have some level of ADD and was medicated for a short time.....then I was left to sort it out on my own. I was in the gifted program early on then by 3rd grade things started to slip. My mom took me to a learning center for tutoring and put me on Ritalin for a year.

As an older teen it got worse, to the point of nearly failing. Somehow I always passed, but my poor grades created a miserable home life and relationships. No amount of punishment OR reward was enough to keep me on track.

Fast forward.....I have 4 kids. 2 do very well in school and are internally motivated to stay on top of their work ( with the normal parental reminders). 2 struggled just like I did. For no apparent reason. Neither have ADD, or any other learning disability. No amount of meetings at school or begging for help got us anywhere.....I was always told ' they test well and are very bright, they just need to put in more effort.'
We have tried taking away privileges and offering rewards, all to no avail.

We finally pulled my oldest out of high school and put her into a charter school that was basically home study. She had a teacher that she had to meet with one on one weekly and was required to do her assignments at home. That was a struggle but she did get thru it and is now in college and doing pretty well.

When my son started to show the same traits as his older struggling sister, I knew that we could not let it go as long as we did with her and I was very lucky in that I got him into a wonderful charter school that is very small and very intimate. Only 390 kids and 20 teachers in his entire high school.
While he is not getting all A's, he actually LIKES school for the first time in a very long time.

The only conclusion that I can come up with is that some of us a traditional learners and some of us are not. All 4 of my kids have been raised the same way, same home, same parents, same expectations. 2 struggle with school. They are all equally good kids, but doing poorly in school will create behavior problems. The family conflict, the peer pressure, the negative comments from teachers....all adds up for a kid and they spiral.

I think that you should not take the blame, nor should you blame the school.....blame will get you no where. You need to find solutions. You can't have kids failing out at this young of an age and not expect a lifetime of trouble from and for them. You need be their advocate and research, talk to people, talk to counselors and don't simply accept that your kids are lazy....you gotta dig and dig until you find the solution that will save them from the life of misery that is sure to come if they stay on this path.

Good luck and hugs!

 

[abifae]

Too true Dace. There is the very simple fact that not everyone is "school material". There ought to be other outlets and other types of education. Maybe instead of high school you'd go learn auto repair or welding. No reason to torture everyone with public education!!

This whole sitting through school all day is pretty new. At least the "everyone is required". If you can pass the GED at age 10, shouldn't they release you from the requirement???

I was able to but they didn't let me test. The closest thing I have to a regret is that I didn't GED the day I turned 16 and left school. I wanted to please my dad by graduating, but I took GED at 18 instead, like an idiot.