Stuck between a rock & hard place....new questions???

[old fashioned]

When I was in school I just didn't want to do it. My mind was on bigger & better things, not boring school assignments. I was picking up what was going on & learning probably faster than most of the other kids, I just didn't want to do the work. I did just enough to pass and eventually enough credits to graduate. But once I graduated and out of school I wanted to go back and actually apply myself but of course that was impossible.

Yeah the family conflict, peer pressure, negative comments/attitudes from the teachers and others (extended family, neighbors, so called friends) all add up to disaster for the kids and that goes for my childhood as well all kinda boils down to the 'why bother' mindset.
Blame is useless and solutions are what we've been looking for.

After last years fiasco's of our taking the schools side and putting on the pressure (both the school and home) that blew up in our faces with some serious behavior problems from both kids...ds11's outright defiance of both and ds9's passive/aggressive, stealing at school, outright lying and both kids doing exactly what we were trying to prevent I about gave up on the whole thing.
Then I tried listening to my kids, really listening with my mom heart & not to what I or the school or anyone else thinks 'woulda, shoulda, coulda' and they improved alot atleast as far as their behavior and attitude about school and life in general, just not the accomplishments so much. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but that's a whole lot better than the absolutely nothing we got before and a step in the right direction.
I don't want to fight AGAINST my kids as that will only worsen the problems now and later. I'd much rather support them and their efforts and if neccessary fight FOR AND WITH them to some kind of solution and getting/providing whatever help they need.
I've been doing the research, and talking to everyone to get as much info as possible (including here) I'm coming to the conclusion they are not 'traditional classroom' learners but I'm still not tossing out the other possibilities either. Atleast not yet.
At the upcoming conferences I'll be asking about other educational possibilities like charter schools, public school at home (if neccessary), other possible testing for difficiancies (sp), etc

thank you, thank you, thank you Dace you touched that MOM heart again and so very right.


right now I have a headache from it all and very little sleep and I need to get my butt in gear since I have to work tomorrow and have got to get something done around here today.

to everyone for your help.

 

[abifae]

I don't want to fight AGAINST my kids as that will only worsen the problems now and later. I'd much rather support them and their efforts and if neccessary fight FOR AND WITH them to some kind of solution and getting/providing whatever help they need.

 

[old fashioned]

Wow! I say awesome stuff!

smoochies Abi, you're awesome no matter what you say!

 

[Dace]

I think that as long as your kids know that you are their advocate and that you are on their side, things will all work out. Everyone wants to succeed, some just have bigger hurdles to get over than others.

Not all kids were meant to go to Yale, but that does not mean that they will not make fantastic contributing members of society. There are a lot of wonderful people in this world and once you get past age 18, no one really cares what grade you got on your last test.

 

[lorihadams]

I'm struggling with my 6 yr old. He is very bright but does not want to do any written work at all. He is just not wired to sit at a desk and do paperwork all dang day. He doesn't want to read on his own because he has type of personality that gets frustrated very easily and he hates to fail at anything.

We homeschool Kindergarten for now but I will be putting him in public school in the fall to see if he does better in a more structured environment. If not, then we will weigh our options at the end of the year.

Public school can be a good thing for some but a bad thing for others. Have you tried a tutor or a learning center for afterschool help? If the issue is that some areas are lacking then extra help in some basic fundamental skills may be needed in order to get the more advanced curriculum.

Hang in there, I feel you! I want to homeschool my children and I am finding that it just may not be a good fit for my child. Does that mean that I won't continue to supplement my child's learning opportunities at home, no. We still do fun stuff like science experiments and lots of hands on activities and we will continue to do that in addition to the public school in the fall.

Here's another thought, have you tested hearing and vision? I have a cousin whose little girl was starting to fail everything and after taking her to the eye doctor discovered that her eyesight has been steadily declining and she hasn't told anyone. She had to see a specialist yesterday because she is almost totally blind in one eye and the other is deteriorating too.

I also had another cousin that had a son that had similar issues and it was discovered that he has almost no hearing in one ear and is totally deaf in the other but he is a triplet and has been able to get by with the help of his brothers who were always in class with him.

Just some things to consider. Hope it gets better!

 

[old fashioned]

I've still been researching options & talked with counselor @ ds9's school that knows of some of the issues. She emailed links for 'online public school' as a possible option. This sounds promising, but I have alot of questions that aren't really covered in the links.
Has anyone here done this route for their kids? From what I understand, it differs from homeschooling in that the kids follow 'their' curriculum (sp) & not your own, they'd have access to certified teachers either online, phone or in person. It's still public school, just done at home instead of classroom.
I'm curious about how much time is given to complete assignments (hourly, daily, weekly or ?), how often & how long do the kids need to connect with the program? Such as they have to 'meet' online for say 2 hours everyday @ 9am? The website mentions the kids spending 5-6 hours a day learning (not that it's all done online for the whole time) but....?
I guess my question here is.....just how does it all work & compare to regular classroom in ps vs hs???

 

[Dace]

My kids did not do 'online' charter school but 2 of them have spent some time in a charter that was a home study style program.

I would say that they are both similar in that the child needs to be motivated to complete the work. If they are not then you are still sort of stuck in a bad spot....BUT you will find that they need to spend MUCH less time on actual school work as compared to classroom time.

My 17 yr old just completed 8 full semester classes in 3 mos. vs 5 mos for 6 classes in school.....she also worked her tail off and was very committed as this was her ticket into college.

I would go onto your school district's web site and see if they have any charter schools. Also google charter schools or alternative education in your area and see what you find.

As for the online program.....I would want to talk to other families who are enrolled.

 

[savingdogs]

We did a year of online public school with my son whom I call Trouble on this forum. He was kicked out!

However, it was a good move for us. The curriculum was actually quite difficult but built logically and it gave him a chance to catch up with some things he was lagging behind in, and gave me a chance to participate in his education in a way I could not before. Frankly, it was a period of heavier study for him despite failing. But he did not have the necessary peer pressure to get him to care about passing.

When he was kicked out of the program, he begged to return to regular school, which we allowed on the basis that he pass all his classes, which he has done this last semester, which is a first for him, he has been a troubled student since kindergarden so that is a big success for us.

So overall online public school really helped us but rather inadvertently.

 

[raro]

As a special ed. teacher, I want to comment on the "no diagnosis, no IEP" remark...that's a bunch of baloney! You have (should you decide to go that route) the right to have your child evaluated at the school's expense if you think your child has a learning disability or an emotional disability. I teach kids with emotional disabilities, and while most of them have some medical diagnoses, some do not. A medical diagnosis may help get your child some services quicker, but it really is up to the school to evaluate your child. They not only do intelligence/achievement kinds of tests, but they also should test things like auditory processing or visual processing skills.

You may have a child who is bright but who processes things very slowly. I have a student who CANNOT sit and listen to a lecture. He is a very visual learner and truly does not process auditory instruction. There are tests to determine these things, and the school should be doing them if there is any question.

As to the behavior, there really is only one thing that I have found that works in the classroom. First, we do a "motivation assessment" to find out what motivates the child. Physical things (candy, soda, toys)? Adult attention? Peer attention? Then we tailor (with the child's input) rewards for good behavior. One year I had a room full of students who wanted nothing except to be able to play football outside on Fridays if they behaved. So we did (and I'm a terrible athlete!!). This year the kids wanted to work for junk food (which annoys me, but I go with what works). Then we talk about a FEW goals we want to work on. Not just "Get good grades," because it's too vague. More like, "Go from an F to a C in Social Studies" or whatever. (actually, with my students it is more like, "go to the Chill-out Zone when you get upset instead of beating up the kid next to you") Some kids need a small reward at the end of EVERY day. In fact, some kids need it at the end of every period of every day.

Call it bribery, but we do it ourselves. How many of us would keep working if we didn't have a paycheck? We all need something to work for, and we need encouragement and attention when we achieve even little goals.

To the OP, it sounds like you are honestly doing your best, but you're getting exhausted and burned out. You have my sympathy, because it's the end of the school year and I can TOTALLY relate!! Sometimes when you just feel like screaming, it's time to do something totally off the wall, like take the kids swimming or have a picnic. Above all, don't take it personally when they don't succeed! So many parents absorb their kids' failures as their own. Your kids need to know that you are still there, still hoping and working, but that this is THEIR ballgame. When they succeed, you say, "I'm glad YOU did this!" (not adding the "why can't you do this all the time" that you want to say!) When they fail, you calmly ask them, "Hmm, what do you think YOU need to do to succeed?"

All the ranting and raving, blaming and accusing that kids do is just noise. It has nothing to do with the actual issue, and kids are masters about getting adults off-track.

Anyway, I hope this helps even a little bit! I know how hard it is, and as a teacher I applaud the fact that you are trying your best.

 

[~gd]

yes, and the answers......school sucks, the teacher is mean/crazy/stupid, I don't feel good, another kid or kids beat me up (or whatever), I dunno......the list goes on!

the 11 year old is being 11. *laughs*

Are they actually failing? Have you looked into learning disorders. Doesn't have to be anything like ADD or need medication or anything else. It could be something like dyslexia or difficulties recognizing numbers.... There's a lot of things it could be. Most schools have set ups to do testing and get them help to learn.

The not wanting to apply themselves could be because it's frustrating to try and get no where.

Or they could just really hate school lol.

I thought my teachers were mean and stupid. Actually I had autism and learning disorders. Undiagnosed, still.

eta: and thanks I lubs my new title!

Yep the new title is very neato!