Wannabefree...guess what I got in the mail today!?!?!?!?

[Wannabefree]

That's true, and I do love it! I feel like I should be paying them. Maybe it's the contrast between this job and my last job, but this is like a fat kid eating cake all day long to me. I'm happy with it.

Latest drama, niece found sisters drugs hidden in her room when she was doing a thorough cleaning. My parents told her to keep it and give it back to her when she came back(probably in 6 more months) I threw an absolute mad fit, I'm talking crazy lady off her meds kind of fit! To ask a 13 year old to hold drugs....for ANY reason is blatantly stupid at the very best. I told her flush it, and told my parents that I'd call the law if they didn't allow her to. The child was crying, scared for that to be in her room, knew her grandparents were being ridiculous asking her to hold it....I mean...what kind of an example is that?!?! DO WHATS RIGHT...it's not that hard..

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Holy crap - that is ridiculous! You'd think that they'd not want that mess in their house! Geeze - asking a kid to hold drugs is beyond comprehension....

 

[NH Homesteader]

KEEP IT? And give it back???

Wow....

 

[Wannabefree]

I chewed their ass off over that one. I can't even fathom...I do not for the life of me know where their head is half the time. Niece was crying and terrified. Then she sent me pictures of it and everything and was asking what she should do. They get mad because she tells me everything, which then makes me mad because they're obviously ignorant and have no business raising her to begin with...there's so much more to parenting than food and a roof over their head and my parents have always sucked at it. I thank God every day I had outside influences that kept me sane for 18 years of dealing with them. I still don't know exactly how I turned out with half a brain even at that. They make me want to scream and stomp and cuss a blue streak

 

[Wannabefree]

Crap I just realized I'm the parent...to all of them.

 

[sumi]

Thank goodness your niece has you. As for your parents… I have no words. No polite ones that I'd share on a public forum anyway

 

[Wannabefree]

I hate so many aspects of my life right this moment I can't wait till I've saved up enough money to get out of here!!!! I am never going to fit in in this house, and I don't want to. Some days it just gets on my last nerve. It reminds me of my marriage and how good THAT felt to let go and watch it float farther and farther away from me and allowed me to unravel all the bits that had intertwined with my own identity and reacquaint myself with the simplicity of me again without everyone else's nonsense. With my new relationship I can be me so easily...and he can be him, and somehow we can still be us without losing our "me" in the process. It's beautiful, and I want more of that and less of this. With my biologicals, there is just always so much chaos my spirit is never comfortable, never has been, and never will be. I'm exhausted just stepping in the door sometimes it's so emotionally draining. I honestly wonder what God meant giving me to these people. What am I supposed to have learned or be learning now that once I "get it" all of this can just stop. I don't belong here. They represent nothing I believe in...my core values are so far from where they are...I'd almost rather be homeless. If my old truck was running and in good enough shape I could rent a storage building for my things and live in it more peacefully than I am currently coexisting here. I TRY to be grateful that my parents are still alive...but I sometimes secretly envy those who have no family left to be honest. I need to move far far away...like...maybe another continent altogether..and just live and breathe....and maybe hire a shrink to listen and help me sort all this crap out that keeps rolling around in my head all the time. I love my new job. My new job is my ticket out if I can manage to be that patient and not literally fix my truck to live in it...literally. *sigh* I'm tired of fighting off this persistent environmentally triggered depression. Maybe I shouldn't type so much in here for the "world" to see, but I just don't care anymore what people do or don't know, I'm tired of covering "family secrets" and pretending like these idiots are okay and normal. They're not. And they're driving me crazy. And I don't care who knows. I just have to "say" it somewhere.

 

[NH Homesteader]

I suppose the momentary good in it is that you are there with your niece. The rest... I don't know, but it royally sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with it all. You will get through it. Until then, more

 

[frustratedearthmother]

It's hard to be somewhere you don't want to be - I've lived those days too. Putting it in your past will be the best feeling - but you already know that! I think like NHH - you are there for your niece. Really can't wait for the day you announce that you are "outta there!"

Hang in with the job - set goals and when you reach those - set more! Enjoy your new relationship and hopefully it will grow also!

 

[Wannabefree]

I has a 5 year plan....I'm about to redo my whole budget and see how fast I can actually get away from here...possibly preferable WITH my niece. I'm just tired y'all. This bumpy road has been long and I can't see the next turn yet.