Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[Mini Horses]

It is so hard to watch the decline & nothing you can do to help or stop it. I truly know how heartbreaking this is for you.......... Hang in there!

 

[baymule]

My maternal grandfather, whom I adored, told me once, "I'm going to die in my sleep or all at once. I refuse to be sick." He was shaving one morning, had a heart attack and was dead when he hit the floor. He was 76. I am glad he got what he wanted, but he wouldn't have had it any other way.

My Daddy was sick, in pain, lingered, and it was so sad. I pray for relief for your parents.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I appreciate it ya'll....while it is hard on me... I know it's harder on them. I just need to be there for them. I really didn't think they knew when I came or didn't come. But one of the caregivers told me that dad knew I wasn't there last weekend. That's when my battery died in my truck and it just made things crazy for a day or so. I hate it that he felt forgotten.

 

[sumi]

 

[Mini Horses]

FEM, he didn't feel forgotten, he just knew you hadn't been there. Their thoughts & feelings are not what they once were. Often they can't relate things to one or the other. On the flip side, some thoughts occur that have no basis in fact. It is a part of decline, in your mom's case, altzhimer's has taken parts of her brain from activity.

My mother often said & did things that she would NEVER have. So, don't blame yourself for anything. You are doing everything you can do. You can't change it. We understand the frustration. Feel free to vent & share -- it does help you. We are here for you.

 

[FarmerJamie]

I am terrible with words at times like this. Wishing you the strength to persevere. Watching mom fail over the course of 6 weeks was hard, this, I can't imagine....

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks ya'll... I really do appreciate your support. No way to turn back the clock, nothing to do but try to help them get through this.

 

[sumi]

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I've been slacking already in the garden. I've got to get the rest of it mulched. The weeds that I thought were NOT going to be a problem this year (spiny pigweed) have showed up with a vengeance. They're not hard to control if ya get 'em smothered out early. It's almost too late for early, lol. I still have a few empty spots to try and get planted. The lima beans I planted in the buck pen garden did nothing, nada...so I'm going to get some fresh seed and try again. I thought I had some chard seeds, but can't find 'em so I need to get some more of those too. And, for whatever reason I want some strawberries. Probably too late to find any good plants and they're so stinkin' expensive...but I still want some. Anybody ever grown strawberries from seed? Might have to try it. And, I don't want them in the ground, so I'll find an alternative and try that.

Conan is officially weaned. He and Cocoa's orphan buckling (need a name for him) are in their own pen and NOT happy about it. If I ever get caught up around there I have to pick some goats to put on the 'sell' list. Ya'll know that from the time I start talking about selling goats to the time it actually gets done can be months! But, at least I'm talking about it now. I need to do it soon cuz my goats are looking pretty good right now! And, lowering the feed bill would be a good thing too. Definitely gotta get some bucks on that list. Will probably sell either intact, or wethered, all the kids born this spring. Probably....maybe... sigh.

We got a really good soaking rain the other day so I needa check the area that I've tossed out forage seeds. I'm trying to get a couple sections of the buck pen area to grow some decent browse that I can rotate the bucks around in. Poor fellas have hardly anything to munch on in their area. Maybe I should just open the gate and let 'em run with the does for awhile! I mean, it's not rut season so how much trouble can they get in? Hmmmmm.... probably a really dumb idea. But, if I put all the smaller does on the other side of the barn where the big boys couldn't... somebody stop me!

I want to take some time off before we start our summer session. But first we have to have a new director in place. It's hard to run this program with just two of us and this week the other one of us is at a conference. So, I'm holding down the fort and UGH - we've got a campus wide event today that I have to accept an award at. Not a personal award - but an award for our awesome program. And, the award is M.O.N.E.Y (!) that we can use for dual credit scholarships, cultural events, and other incentives for the students that we can't use grant funds for. It's a good thing - but I hate being the one to walk up on stage, smile, shake hands and have a picture with Madam President of the college. Shoot me now! Is it Friday yet?

Other than the continuing saga of mom and dad, goats and gardens - things are pretty ok right now. Probably shouldn't put that in writing cuz ya'll know ol' Murphy...always lurking.​

 

[baymule]

My daughter had lunch today with some college dignitaries from Poland. Each year, the two colleges send teachers to the other college. Last year, Tyler Junior College sent two people to Poland, this year two people came from Poland. Cool stuff.