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Dealing with MIL during FIL ALZ

Discussion in 'Family Life' started by CrealCritter, Mar 31, 2019.

  1. Apr 1, 2019
    Beekissed

    Beekissed Mountain Sage

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    CC, MIL is definitely into her own cognitive decline and your dad needs to be kept safer in a facility. I know it's hard to come to that conclusion, but we had to make the same thing happen here.

    Dad is now in a facility....his was difficult because he first had to be involuntarily committed to a state mental hospital(he hadn't seen a doctor in many years and refused to see one)...he was becoming such a danger to himself and mother that we finally insisted she DO something. I won't go into the details but suffice to say everything else was done to try and prevent this step but it was best in the end. He was safe and so was she.

    Then mother was living back in the boonies by herself, so I moved away from my home and moved in with her so that she could stay in her own home as long as possible. Since I'm a nurse, I will be keeping her here throughout her life, so no facility for her unless something happens to me.

    Your dad needs to be safe and your MIL needs to be in an assisted care facility, which could be right in the same facility if you look around. Often they are together so people can transition from one to the other when it's time.

    You and your sibs need to get together and have a serious talk before your Dad comes to grief out there the next time he proposes to leave...my Dad drove clear across the state, looking for Mom, who was right there at the house when he left. :rolleyes:

    Then you need to go together and tell MIL Dad needs to be where he can be kept safer and that she simply cannot handle him at home, especially not as this progresses. If she refuses to listen, you can wait until the next incident~say a fall or him leaving the home unattended and confused, and report it to your local APC and they will take it from there.

    Facts are it only gets worse from here on out and, if she's having trouble now, she's inadequate to care for him and it sounds like she can't even care for herself properly.
     
    baymule, Marianne, sumi and 2 others like this.
  2. Apr 1, 2019
    CrealCritter

    CrealCritter Super Self-Sufficient

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    Hooray :)

    My wife snipping pics from the back porch of the take down.
    1316.jpeg
     
    baymule, Marianne, sumi and 2 others like this.
  3. Apr 1, 2019
    CrealCritter

    CrealCritter Super Self-Sufficient

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    So far she is able to care for him and her but I know it will come to this soon :( its hard for me because I'm just the son-in-law. I've been trying to force this exact conversation between my wife and her brother. So far I have been unsuccessful. But by golly I'm a stubborn old coot!
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2019
  4. Apr 1, 2019
    Beekissed

    Beekissed Mountain Sage

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    So far...but she can't rightly discern that his almost falling in the shower is a warning of this continuing to happen~so lets trim the berry bushes instead or whatever~ and that she was annoyed by the door alarm going off when he was getting ready to leave also says something about her state of mind...she should have been glad it warned her of his leaving.

    It's not IF something is going to happen, it's when. That's the conclusion we finally came to and took steps to prevent any further danger. Wife and brother need to think about someone other than their own feelings about Dad and think about Dad himself.

    We went through this too and three siblings rained a hailstorm of abuse on Mom when she had to put Dad in a facility...they went to court to get control of him and his money, they stole all the money they could from them both, kicked Mom out of her home, took all her income, which was tied up with Dad's, and when they finally had to leave the premises, they stole her blind(two were arrested for grand theft)....looked like the Grinch had been there, even took a ball of rubber bands in the now empty tool drawer.

    It took years to restore her to her home, her rightful income, and to her husband. But God used their evil for good in the end and all is well, but I KNOW about siblings and their selfish emotions and "good" intentions. :rolleyes:

    I'd advise on it all and then wash my hands of it, letting them sort it all out. It's their folks and you have no responsibility in the matter...if they want control over it all, let 'em. ;) Let THEM go tend to all the emergencies that will arise...if you stop saving the day, they may just see it more clearly.
     
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  5. Apr 1, 2019
    CrealCritter

    CrealCritter Super Self-Sufficient

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    IQUOTE="Beekissed, post: 440634, member: 2"]So far...but she can't rightly discern that his almost falling in the shower is a warning of this continuing to happen~so lets trim the berry bushes instead or whatever~ and that she was annoyed by the door alarm going off when he was getting ready to leave also says something about her state of mind...she should have been glad it warned her of his leaving.

    It's not IF something is going to happen, it's when. That's the conclusion we finally came to and took steps to prevent any further danger. Wife and brother need to think about someone other than their own feelings about Dad and think about Dad himself.

    We went through this too and three siblings rained a hailstorm of abuse on Mom when she had to put Dad in a facility...they went to court to get control of him and his money, they stole all the money they could from them both, kicked Mom out of her home, took all her income, which was tied up with Dad's, and when they finally had to leave the premises, they stole her blind(two were arrested for grand theft)....looked like the Grinch had been there, even took a ball of rubber bands in the now empty tool drawer.

    It took years to restore her to her home, her rightful income, and to her husband. But God used their evil for good in the end and all is well, but I KNOW about siblings and their selfish emotions and "good" intentions. :rolleyes:

    I'd advise on it all and then wash my hands of it, letting them sort it all out. It's their folks and you have no responsibility in the matter...if they want control over it all, let 'em. ;) Let THEM go tend to all the emergencies that will arise...if you stop saving the day, they may just see it more clearly.[/QUOTE]

    Yes she can discern... That's why we ordered that sliding chair thing for the tub yesterday. I'm also been thinking of a ankle bracelet and we also got her a first alert in case something happens and she can't get to the phone.

    Lord I hope it doesn't come down to someone stealing. I may just have to open a can of good ole fashion Texas Whoop @ss on whoever that might be. Its very very rare I get mad, but its not pretty when I do.

    I'm not the kind of person to wash my hands of it when someone is in need, especially family. I like to think we are a close family and we are for the most part. If one starts to stray, everyone else jumps in and sets them straight, its just the way we are. Thank the Lord we have never had any of my kids spend even one night in jail and they were taught about stealing of face the wrath or mom and dad. Now it would be face the wrath of the entire family.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2019
  6. Apr 1, 2019
    Beekissed

    Beekissed Mountain Sage

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    You're a good man, CC. :)
     
  7. Apr 1, 2019
    CrealCritter

    CrealCritter Super Self-Sufficient

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  8. Apr 1, 2019
    Lazy Gardener

    Lazy Gardener Super Self-Sufficient

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    Your last pic of that tree looked much better than the first pic!
     
  9. Apr 1, 2019
    sumi

    sumi Sustainability Master Administrator

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    They are making great progress on that tree! I'll bet that is big worry off you mind :hugs
     
  10. Apr 1, 2019
    Marianne

    Marianne Super Self-Sufficient

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    MIL will hit the roof when she gets home, but taking down that tree was the right thing to do.
    My SIL just left for home in another city. Her stepmom just died...and that family drama might be heating up. Agh. WHY???? My sister cleaned out our mother's house of anything with any value before I got there, then said she was just keeping it safe, then the ever changing story. 'Jewelry, what jewelry? I have no idea what you're talking about'.

    Some people are just poops. I have now accepted that it's just stuff. I have stuff. I can always get more stuff. I'm even getting rid of stuff. I'm good.
    Eventually things will work out. Take the steps you need to take to see about getting them into assisted living. You got a big heart, buddy.
     
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