family lukewarm to SS

Toulle

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I sure would like some feedback on this.
My family is, at best, lukewarm to any of my projects and ideas on self-sufficiency. DW has expressed her support, but nothing more than that. She always praises every project I embark on - praises them too much. I am feeling rather patronized, to be honest.
DS18 is totally passive resistant, and simply walks away and does not participate in any thing I am trying to do.
DW16 is a bit more unpredictable. She will sometimes help with garden or such, but refuses to come out of her comfort zone.
When it comes to teaching them skills, neither ever shows much interest.

To be honest, I am not all that concerned if they get into it or not. The problem I have is that I am trying to do things that will help all of us, and quite frankly I am starting to really resent the kids just expecting a free ride off my work.
 

Marianne

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Eh, they're teenagers, so that says a lot. Especially if they have never been around that kind of lifestyle much. My DH wasn't on board for a long time, but he is now (or at least he tolerates me well - LOL) I felt like I was an island..Stand firm to your beliefs, hold your head up high and live the life you want to have. The kids will eventually move out on their own and do their own thing.
 

CrimsonRose

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my kids love to learn about it but they are very young and I can pass on my enthusiasm... They also are too young to be of much help...

my hubby doesn't understand why I waste my time... instead of being supportive at times he is totally against it all... thinks it makes us look poor! (he was raised in a situation where they had to be SS and his dad really hillbillied it up at times and he was made fun of) He would rather just buy the food from the store like "normal" people instead of butchering anything homegrown... I grew up on a nice farm and knew you don't have to be a hillbilly to be SS... I want to be SS for our health benefits of the food and how the animals are raised. So he told me if I want too do this then fine but he wasn't going to help... the chickens and rabbits and now a goat is all mine.... and they are... he gets upset when i spend the day butchering rabbits (it's hard doing it by yourself at times... and still watch 3 younger children to make sure they stay out of trouble while you are busy...) instead of cleaning the house... I spend all day long making a meal from scratch and baking bread and he says that I wouldn't be so tired if I would have just bought a pizza and popped it in the oven... :rolleyes:

So even if it wasn't heartfelt I would take the fake encouragement anyday over insults... Being SS is hard... it's not for all people... That being said I WANT it for my family so to me it's worth the work... even if somedays I just want to :smack some sense into hubby... :gig
 

freemotion

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They are kids and at that age it is pretty normal not to volunteer. They are establishing (in their minds only!) their independence from you. You, as dad, need to remind them that while they are dependent and living under your roof (even when they are over 18), contributing to the good of the household is a requirement. When this is met with resistance, you can show them what the bill is for full room and board, including cook, maid service, laundry, chaufer, landscaping, use of the entire house and property, dental, medical, incidentals, etc. Add some for profit, as that is what you'd do if an outsider came into your home looking to pay you for full care. Then show them the chores they can do to show appreciation for what they are getting for free. A little quick math will show that you are valuing their unskilled labor at several hundred dollars an hour. :lol:

They'll still argue and you'll still have to enforce the rules with consequences, but they will one day look back in appreciation when they recognize the HUGE favor....no, good parenting....that you did that prepared them so thoroughly for life on their own. Trust me on this one. Speaking from personal experience. Wish my parents (particularly mom) were even more demanding.
 

Wifezilla

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I am starting to really resent the kids just expecting a free ride off my work.
When they turn 18, buy them luggage and show them the door. Reality might need to smack them around a bit for them to get a clue.
 

Toulle

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You are all right, I know it.

Problem is past history. As any who have read some of my posts can guess, bad times are behind us. This had a certain effect on the kids.
There is also the issue of my own mistakes with them. In the past I always found it easier to just do it myself rather than make them do it. I set a VERY BAD precedent with that years ago. My fault, I admit it. Now I know it is going to be very hard to fix that.

Right now, the plan with DS is to make sure he understands that the free ride is coming to an end. I am hoping he will soon realize the Air Force or Navy is a much better option than any other he has.
 

Toulle

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Marianne said:
The kids will eventually move out on their own and do their own thing.
That thought does cheer me up. Am I a bad person for that?


naaaaahhhh
 

moolie

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The only advice I can offer is to make whatever you are doing just regular life and be persistent in your attempts to involve everyone. If your self sufficient activities feel like a 180 from what you were doing before, push back is pretty likely. But if you've eased everyone into the new direction and just make it normal, it may go more smoothly.

We've always done things a little more differently than others and my kids (14 and 15) don't know any different, except that none of their friends' parents have veggie gardens, do canning or dehydrating, sew/crochet/knit/embroider, do all their own home renos/repairs and car repair/maintenance, etc. We live in a typical suburban home, so we really don't look that different to everyone around us, except for the pantry full of good things and our skill set. If anything, our kids are proud of how we live a more "eco-friendly" life to that of their friends, so you may be able to spin it that way if they are environmentally-minded.
 

Toulle

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CrimsonRose said:
my kids love to learn about it but they are very young and I can pass on my enthusiasm... They also are too young to be of much help...

my hubby doesn't understand why I waste my time... instead of being supportive at times he is totally against it all... thinks it makes us look poor! (he was raised in a situation where they had to be SS and his dad really hillbillied it up at times and he was made fun of) He would rather just buy the food from the store like "normal" people instead of butchering anything homegrown... I grew up on a nice farm and knew you don't have to be a hillbilly to be SS... I want to be SS for our health benefits of the food and how the animals are raised. So he told me if I want too do this then fine but he wasn't going to help... the chickens and rabbits and now a goat is all mine.... and they are... he gets upset when i spend the day butchering rabbits (it's hard doing it by yourself at times... and still watch 3 younger children to make sure they stay out of trouble while you are busy...) instead of cleaning the house... I spend all day long making a meal from scratch and baking bread and he says that I wouldn't be so tired if I would have just bought a pizza and popped it in the oven... :rolleyes:

So even if it wasn't heartfelt I would take the fake encouragement anyday over insults... Being SS is hard... it's not for all people... That being said I WANT it for my family so to me it's worth the work... even if somedays I just want to :smack some sense into hubby... :gig
Thanks. Your post does point out to me that I am VERY LUCKY in the partner I have now.
I was once shackled to a terrible partner, even worse than you describe.
 

SSDreamin

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My Dh wasn't for it at all to begin with. I grew the garden, tended the orchard, and continually planted bugs in his ear about different things. After a few years, I gave up on the garden (other obligations pushed it to the back burner, then cancelled it completely). Funny thing was, he began to whine about how much he hated the things we bought at the store that I used to grow/can myself. He researched ways to make gardening easier for me and built me a beautiful SFG. The next thing I knew, he was researching all sorts of ss stuff and telling me about it (amazingly, it was the same stuff I'd tried to talk him into before but, now that it was HIS idea, it was definitely worth doing ;) ). He was on an extended lay off recently and that set him into overdrive with the ss mentality. I believe he finally realized how the things I had been doing could benefit us. I never resented his resistance or dismissals: He was a city boy. Enough said! :D My DS never wanted to participate at all. Everything was fun for the first little bit, but when it started looking like work, he was done. That is, until his Dad told him that he had to help me out (DH works 6-7 days/week out of town. He does as much as he can, when he can, but his list is always long and his time is always short). The deal was, DS must take over the chicken duties, and in return he could keep all the money he earned from selling the eggs (he has to pay for egg cartons out of the profits, but Dad pays for the feed) so long as he kept up with ALL his chores. DS is now VERY diligent in his job, making sure the ladies are very happy so they produce as much as possible!
My point with this long winded post is that you should do what you feel compelled to do, ss wise, but don't expect anyone else to follow your lead. Maybe what you see as DW's patronization is just her way of being supportive of your efforts? I have to agree too that, if a teen hasn't done many/any ss type things in their life, now probably isn't the time to expect them to fall in love with the concept. Maybe they see ss as your 'thing' and don't feel they should need to help out to reap some of the benefits?
I told my father the other day that I am finally running towards the very thing I ran away from as a teen. Made the old man happy and realized, despite hating all the chores and feeling put upon to help take care of everything, I was now thankful for the knowledge and wish I'd paid closer attention! :lol:
 

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