Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[frustratedearthmother]

I really hope the assisted living place comes through soon.

You need relief. I hope there is an opening soon for your parents.

You and me both... I'm really burned out...not even so much because it's hard work - but because I don't feel like I'm doing them any good. I barely have time to do anything with them because I'm spending so much time doing things for them....if that makes sense. I've had to strip their bed every morning this week and wash bedding, mattress pad and the plastic cover along with their bed clothes. I fold their clothes and put them away and mom unfolds them and puts them in places that make no sense to me. I vacuum their room and she shreds Kleenex everywhere. She takes pictures down off the wall and puts them under the bed. I literally can't physically keep up with it all and do anything else that needs done too. It's all so bizarre and sad.

 

[sumi]

That deal on the house sounds good. I really hope they'll be able to pull it off, so that can go through and get off the list of things that needs sorting. And that the assisted living people can help you asap too. I can't imagine how tiring it must be for you, they make a lot of extra work for you and you have a lot on your plate already. You are a wonderful daughter for them, you are.

 

[NH Homesteader]

That absolutely makes sense. It'll be better when they are having their needs taken care of and you can visit. I'm exhausted just reading about what you have to do!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

We'll have to see how this week goes. I'm back at work even though I had to come in 2.5 hours late on my first day back. DH is off work and is doing their caretaking this week. Home health will be out today to see dad so I gave DH a list of things to talk to them about.

I was up and outside at 4:30 this morning because I woke in a panic because I hadn't done any cold weather preps for the hot tub. So, I go charging outside and try to turn the pump on and nothing happens.... dammit! DH and I were talking about using it the first night that the folks are gone. We planned to sit in it with a bottle of wine and just totally and completely relax. I hope it's not fatally wounded. It didn't freeze because the water temp was 41. But, it's been turned off for months now so no telling what has gone on with it.

Gracie was very appreciative of sleeping inside last night. I just brought her up to our room and she slept right beside my bed all night. She really would make a good house dog...perfectly house broken, won't go in the kitchen or get on the rug...but dang she sheds like crazy.

Need to adjust mom's meds again. We put her to bed last night in a nice clean nightgown. When she got up this morning she was wearing a polo shirt of dads - backwards and inside out. She had scratched a spot on her face and it was bloody. A blanket was off of their bed and on the floor - and dang it was cold in there - they needed that extra blanket. And, she was curled up and hugging on a package of pre-moistened bathwipes.

I bought her a babydoll and she really seemed to like it at first, but now all she wants to do is rip it's clothes off. They're sewn on...they don't come off. She is in a very destructive phase (at least I hope it's a phase that will pass). Everything she touches she wants to rip into pieces...magazines, the baby doll, the hand warmer I got her for Christmas, any and all paper....papertowels, Kleenex, and ugh, even used toilet paper.

 

[sumi]

I hope they can take your parents in soon. I really hope so! Fingers crossed the hot tub will be o.k. Your and DH's plan sounds so nice and will be a great way to unwind when all this is over.

 

[Mini Horses]

Upside of a few days of this cold weather is parasite reduction - and fewer garden pests next year! I'm alright with that.

We've had an entire week that never got out of 20s...most were teens or minus something. I just hope it killed every flea in the area!!

I literally can't physically keep up with it all and do anything else that needs done too. It's all so bizarre and sad.

YES! Bizarre & sad. New oddities every day. What is even worse is that there is no cure, it will not improve and you will forever remember this "new person" at your house. This is a horrid disease. If I misplace my keys I become concerned with whether "it's me next". I so don't want my kids to have to see me go there.
Hopefully you will find assisted living for them soon. You will do much better visiting, than being their constant caregiver. Thinking of you daily.

 

[NH Homesteader]

Any updates while I fell off the face of the planet the past few days? How are things?

 

[sumi]

Please do fill us in. I've been thinking of you all and hope everything's o.k. by you

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Hey ya'll...thanks for checking in on us. To say that my life revolves around $h_t right now would be an understatement. Not wanting to be too graphic here - but dad is an excellent producer and spreader of the above-mentioned... ugh.

Mom on the other hand.... not good. She has not been producing any and she has a bowel impaction. We tried to get her unplugged yesterday with no luck. She was getting weaker by the minute. Called Hospice and they sent a nurse out to check on her. General concensus is that she's plugged up - duh! This is not a symptom that can be ignored so hospice will send an ambulance today and she will be going to the in-patient facility to "manage her symptoms." Her regular nurse, which we also spoke to last night, seems to think this is the start of her "transition." I'm learning the terms. Transition = dying. I dunno.... my stubborn head says she just needs to take a good $h_t. But, it's time to start thinking about the real possibility that this is her exit strategy.

My son came by earlier yesterday to help me with whatever I needed help with. We got the fence charger mounted on a post, but that's all we accomplished on that project because I needed to get some more goats wormed. One of my pygmy bucks is not looking good at all. Two weeks ago I checked all the bucks and none of them looked bad. They are in a small pen, and while it's not exactly a dry lot they mostly eat hay and don't bother to try and graze any of the stubby grass in that pen. But something has changed...and not in a good way. Got all of them wormed except for one stubborn ol' butt-head. Thankfully, he's the hardiest goat out there and rarely needs to be wormed.

While I had help I started in on the does also. This is the second worming for some of them and the third for a few others. Thankfully, I'm seeing positive progress with the girls. Beginning to think I don't have more than a couple of does bred. While it means basically 'wasting' a breeding season - I'm ok with that this year.

I know this is a self-sufficient forum and I don't really feel like I'm doing much of anything to further our self-sufficiency.... just basically trying to keep our heads above water right now.

 

[sumi]

and more We're here for you