keljonma
Epicurean Goddess
shareneh, you and your family are in our prayers. God bless you for your courage in stepping in to help your sister.
I need words of wisdom from you folks
- Thread starter shareneh
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FarmerChick
Super Self-Sufficient
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You took action and your sister is on board!
Win win situation for everyone...it will work out all well for your families in the end! I know it!
I am so happy for your sister! and you!
Win win situation for everyone...it will work out all well for your families in the end! I know it!
I am so happy for your sister! and you!
Beekissed
Mountain Sage
Sounds like what you have done is working out great. This is a sad, sad story that is being repeated all over the world x the thousands. Our social workers also work for other agencies and I get to hear all the heart breaking stories....I could never, never do that kind of work! I would be taking all the kids home with me and standing off the law with a shotgun before I'd ever let them go back.
I'm glad your sis is not taking it the wrong way and is trying to help you help her...could have went differently. Good news all around and she is blessed to have a sis like yourself....I only have one sis, out of 5, that would care if my kids lived or died!
I'm glad your sis is not taking it the wrong way and is trying to help you help her...could have went differently. Good news all around and she is blessed to have a sis like yourself....I only have one sis, out of 5, that would care if my kids lived or died!
Homesteadmom
Frugal Homesteader
Just curious, you did not mention a father for these children. Is there one invoved? And how old is the older son? The bedwetting is most likely a manifestation of her lifestyle & the stress is causes her that is why she has been dry at your house. I think I would try to get legal guardenship of the children & then you can qualify for financial assistance for them. Even as bad as child sevices can be sometimes, it might not be a bad idea to get them invoved because if & when you give the girls back to her there will be a case history with them & if she slides back downhill, there is already a history with them & they will be able to reopen the case faster & easier. Plus they also have parenting classes that she can attend & learn more tips to taking care of her children better. I am glad she sees the light(as she says she does) but beware, if she is bipolar, what she says really does not mean anything.
patandchickens
Crazy Cat Lady
Shareneh, I'm really sorry you're having to go thru this but I just want to say that I am impressed as all heck at how humanely and generously and sensibly you have handled this.
Hang in there, and best wishes,
Pat
Hang in there, and best wishes,
Pat
- Thread starter
- #36
I forgot to post earlier that my sister has been without hot water since April. I found out that she was without hot water when I noticed her baby diaper in the bathroom trash one day. I asked her what she was doing at the house and she said that her water heater broke about two weeks back and didn't want to say anything to me because she thought I would get mad. I told her that it was ok and that she could take showers at my house. She has had money to buy a water heater over and over again. She gets child support from the girl's dad and just spends it. The dad to these kids is a trucker and knows the situation at home but doesn't care. He drinks quite a bit and isn't capable of caring for them or himself for that matter. His house is just a party house. He goes years without seeing them but he doesn't mind paying the child support. Secretly I wonder if she doesn't give him the money back because I don't know what she is doing with it.
I would have my husband fix the water heater but knowing she gets close to a thousand dollars every month for child support drives me nuts. I also love to visit with the kids in the morning and feed the baby because my sister doesn't think to feed her.
I would like to thank wifezilla for the web site. I think I will show it to her in a few days. I don't want to ambush her all at once.
Tonight she was at the house longer than usual, I usually send her home at 10 so I can put the girls to bed. It was around 10:30 and the baby didn't want to lie down because her mother was there. My sister got a little mad and felt sorry for her because usually the baby just finds somewhere on the floor to sleep when she is at home and isn't made to sleep at a certain time. I am trying to get them on a schedule. The 12 year old said she is suprised at how awake she is in school and how much energy she has. I told her it's because she doesn't have to stay out until 1 in the morning. Her mother would watch tv or visit that late almost every night. They don't have cable tv at home.
I think I will talk to a lawyer and see what my options are if my sister doesn't follow through with the doctor. I don't want her getting into trouble but in my line of work I have had to place kids in foster care and it doesn't bother me at all. I guess love is what keeps me from wanting to see my sister punished. I know her and I know that she loves her kids. Maybe she doesn't love herself. I can only pray that we can find a long term solution to this problem.
The two boys she had with her first husband live with their dad. He took them away about 15 years ago. She has always been messy but the dog poop is what tipped the scale for me. He couldn't stand living like that so he left. She loves the boys but didn't spend a lot of time with them when they were growing up. Now the oldest is in the Marines and she is a basket case of worry for him and regret for not raising him. He doesn't hold it against her and tells her so. He is a great kid. The other boy, a year younger than the oldest is a senior in high school and a graphic designer already. He is very artistic. He was the bedwetter. He has some anger toward his mother because he was only 3 when his dad took him. He is coming around, he calls and sends her email all the time. They live in another state so she only sees them about once a year.
Thanks so much for all your prayers and word of encouragment. It means the world to me.
I would have my husband fix the water heater but knowing she gets close to a thousand dollars every month for child support drives me nuts. I also love to visit with the kids in the morning and feed the baby because my sister doesn't think to feed her.
I would like to thank wifezilla for the web site. I think I will show it to her in a few days. I don't want to ambush her all at once.
Tonight she was at the house longer than usual, I usually send her home at 10 so I can put the girls to bed. It was around 10:30 and the baby didn't want to lie down because her mother was there. My sister got a little mad and felt sorry for her because usually the baby just finds somewhere on the floor to sleep when she is at home and isn't made to sleep at a certain time. I am trying to get them on a schedule. The 12 year old said she is suprised at how awake she is in school and how much energy she has. I told her it's because she doesn't have to stay out until 1 in the morning. Her mother would watch tv or visit that late almost every night. They don't have cable tv at home.
I think I will talk to a lawyer and see what my options are if my sister doesn't follow through with the doctor. I don't want her getting into trouble but in my line of work I have had to place kids in foster care and it doesn't bother me at all. I guess love is what keeps me from wanting to see my sister punished. I know her and I know that she loves her kids. Maybe she doesn't love herself. I can only pray that we can find a long term solution to this problem.
The two boys she had with her first husband live with their dad. He took them away about 15 years ago. She has always been messy but the dog poop is what tipped the scale for me. He couldn't stand living like that so he left. She loves the boys but didn't spend a lot of time with them when they were growing up. Now the oldest is in the Marines and she is a basket case of worry for him and regret for not raising him. He doesn't hold it against her and tells her so. He is a great kid. The other boy, a year younger than the oldest is a senior in high school and a graphic designer already. He is very artistic. He was the bedwetter. He has some anger toward his mother because he was only 3 when his dad took him. He is coming around, he calls and sends her email all the time. They live in another state so she only sees them about once a year.
Thanks so much for all your prayers and word of encouragment. It means the world to me.
Homesteadmom
Frugal Homesteader
Maybe you should let the father know you have the girls & he should send you the child support, that would def help in feeding & clothing them. Plus if you don't need it all, then take the rest & put it into college funds for them, then their future will be more secure too. I have a real gut feeling you will be keeping them for a long time. Family, they drive you crazy but you gotta love em right? And this really sounds like she has some long term deep emotional issues going on & it will probobly take a long time to get her back on the right track. I am keeping you in my prayers & the girls too. You rock for what you are doing btw. And your pay back is the turn around you are seeing in these girls & how the oldest has told you how much more she is alert & that means she is learning more in school. You have rewards awaiting you in heaven my dear! 
Oh gosh,I just read through all the posts.My heart goes out to your family.
I was a foster parent for almost 20 years.I don't trust DSS to always do the right thing,but they usually do like to keep family together and that could be you,if willing. My experience was that they preferred a family member to have the kids.It served 2 purposes.They could keep the kids with family,without having to return to parents.Many family members in my area become the foster parents.They get medicaid and a monthly subsidy.You can also get WIC through the health dept.It supplies some foods.
I can't imagine how the school and daycare didn't recognize something was wrong.
You are doing all the right things.Sometimes love isn't enough.Your sister has a lot of issues and she just can't care for the kids.God Bless you for stepping in. DON"T GIVE IN!
I was a foster parent for almost 20 years.I don't trust DSS to always do the right thing,but they usually do like to keep family together and that could be you,if willing. My experience was that they preferred a family member to have the kids.It served 2 purposes.They could keep the kids with family,without having to return to parents.Many family members in my area become the foster parents.They get medicaid and a monthly subsidy.You can also get WIC through the health dept.It supplies some foods.
I can't imagine how the school and daycare didn't recognize something was wrong.
You are doing all the right things.Sometimes love isn't enough.Your sister has a lot of issues and she just can't care for the kids.God Bless you for stepping in. DON"T GIVE IN!
ByHisGrace
Enjoys Recycling
I'm new around here, but I had to tell you that my heart really goes out to you and your family. When reading your post a few things came to mind. I have been a foster parent in the past and 4 of my 5 children are adopted foster children (number 5 is the miracle baby 
). The positive thing that could come from getting the "system" involved is that your sister would be accountable to someone else for the progress she makes. The social workers would make a plan for her to complete certain things in a certain amount of time in order to get the children back. One of the negatives I see, whether the girls remain with you or go to a foster home, is that once the "system" is involved there can be more stress added to the children. They will be interviewed by the social workers, and may be asked to testify to the judge if necessary. All my experiences have been with babies, so that was not the case with us. If the children stay with you during the process, you will probably have monthly visits from the social workers which might also stress out the girls. I know for me the visits were just another reminder of the things going on that I could not control. Even though the situation is not ideal for you to keep the girls permanently, they need the consistency and love that you provide. You are building security in them that may be difficult for them to leave, even if their mom straightens up.
I will pray for you to receive wise counsel from the attorney, and for peace for whatever decision you make.
). The positive thing that could come from getting the "system" involved is that your sister would be accountable to someone else for the progress she makes. The social workers would make a plan for her to complete certain things in a certain amount of time in order to get the children back. One of the negatives I see, whether the girls remain with you or go to a foster home, is that once the "system" is involved there can be more stress added to the children. They will be interviewed by the social workers, and may be asked to testify to the judge if necessary. All my experiences have been with babies, so that was not the case with us. If the children stay with you during the process, you will probably have monthly visits from the social workers which might also stress out the girls. I know for me the visits were just another reminder of the things going on that I could not control. Even though the situation is not ideal for you to keep the girls permanently, they need the consistency and love that you provide. You are building security in them that may be difficult for them to leave, even if their mom straightens up. I will pray for you to receive wise counsel from the attorney, and for peace for whatever decision you make.
