Kids or No Kids? How did you know?

[meriruka]

He believes that people who go through life without having kids have "missed the boat" on an important part of "growing up". He sees older people who never had kids as somewhat immature, because they don't know what it takes to give of yourself for someone else the way that parents do for their kids. .

I think a lot of people feel that way. As my friends got married and had children, they began to treat me as if I was not a responsible grown up because I was still single/no children.

 

[curly_kate]

He believes that people who go through life without having kids have "missed the boat" on an important part of "growing up". He sees older people who never had kids as somewhat immature, because they don't know what it takes to give of yourself for someone else the way that parents do for their kids. .

I think a lot of people feel that way. As my friends got married and had children, they began to treat me as if I was not a responsible grown up because I was still single/no children.

Oh jeez, my SIL has a kid and she's one of the most irresponsible people I know.

 

[Wannabefree]

X2 on that one! All 3 of mine are results of other irresponsible parents. My two ages 20 and 14 haven't seen their bio mother in 10 years, niece age 7 hasn't seen hers in 5 years for more than a couple days a year A person who doesn't have children has nothing to do with being "grown up" or mature at ALL.

 

[Bubblingbrooks]

Comment last night from a family member when asked if they were going to have more kids. "Oh, we fixed that problem!".
Nothing hurts infertiles worse then comments like this. Choosing not to have kids is fine. Commenting on it as if children are a problem and something to avoid? Should not happen.

 

[Wannabefree]

Comment last night from a family member when asked if they were going to have more kids. "Oh, we fixed that problem!".
Nothing hurts infertiles worse then comments like this. Choosing not to have kids is fine. Commenting on it as if children are a problem and something to avoid? Should not happen.

That really doesn't bother me BB, maybe because I now have mine, but I am infertile as well, and have never had my own little one. My youngest was 4 when her dad and I married. Niece, well it's not the same, at that point, I had to give her back My sister did say some things that hurt me though, so I know where you're coming from :/ To most it is a joke, or out of frustration of raising said "problems." Everybody has to vent sometimes It's just as frustrating to HAVE some sometimes as it is to NOT have them IMO, being from both sides of the coin at different points in my life. JMO though.Sorry your feelings were hurt

 

[dragonlaurel]

My prime directive was to be a good person, and to enjoy this life as much as possible.
I always knew inside, that I was not going to produce children. I grew up thinking I would adopt or be a step-mom someday, if it was meant to happen. I grew up taking care of 2-4 kids (they kept making more of them I also spent a year doing live-in childcare for 2 babies. I'm actually great with kids- but it never made me want to make them.

When I was a young adult, I remembered that they would need food, diapers, Dr visits, clothes, school stuff, etc. and babysitters or childcare anytime I couldn't be there because I was trying to make the money for the food, diapers, Dr visits, clothes, school stuff, etc. . . .

I had surgery- so I wouldn't have to spend about 30 years on the pill or on less reliable methods. Got together with my husband later that year, and told him right at the start, so he could make his choice. (Me, or look for somebody he could reproduce with) He told me he couldn't have them anyway. He really wanted them but has medical problems that prevent it.

He still wants to raise some, and told me he wishes I could have my surgery reversed. He's sterile and I'm in menopause already, so that would be a waste of time. We could apply to adopt but have no money, and his health is really bad, so they would probably say no.

When my nurturing side kicks in strong, I take care of pets or tend my garden. I also enjoy my Auntie status. It's nice to love them, spend time with them and then let the Mama have them back. Especially since they're teens now.

Bubblingbrooks- I'm pretty sure they weren't meaning to hurt you when they said that. Some people feel overwhelmed already and the idea of having more is scary for them. I'm glad you got your beautiful little girl.

 

[Farmfresh]

I never really liked babies and still don't unless they have fur.

I really never would have pictured myself surrounded by kids at school every day. I am however, a nurturing person by nature. I tended to treat my kids like "small adult" projects. If they asked why the grass was green, it usually ended in a lesson about chlorophyll and photosynthesis. I had multiple kids because I figured if I wanted to straighten this crazy world up the only way to accomplish it was to raise a few good people with brains. They are all grown and moved out now and for the most part I think my project was a success.

When I first met my hubby I knew with all of my soul I wanted to have his babies. So I had three of them.

For us getting pregnant was easy. Pregnancy was a total breeze and even labor and delivery was a cakewalk. I was showing horses at 8 months pregnant all three times and was working out with weights 3 or 4 days a week and swimming until delivery. I was a sahm until the youngest was in school. Hubby is baby crazy. He is the best dad ever and if left up to him we would have a dozen of them!

They were not angels. We lived in poverty filled chaos for many years. My sister (who chose to have no kids) has said that my three kids were the best birth control she ever had!

Children are like tomatoes fortunately. The plant is basically poison and when the tomato first fruits it is bitter, ugly and hard, but if you give it the proper nourishment and let the sun lovingly shine down on it, in time it will mature into one of the most wonderful things on the planet.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

This is one of those mornings when I'm repeatedly saying, "I love my children, I love my children, I love my children...." because i really wish I WAS STILL IN BED RIGHT NOW.

Honestly, that's the ONE thing about parenting NO ONE tells you before you have kids - no good sleeping for 18 years!! Really!


I do have a question, thought - as people going for and SS life style, why doesn't anyone look at an SS way of raising kids? Everyone points out the expenses, time, etc - we find ways to save $ every where we can - why not with kids, too????

For those who CAN do it, homebirth is an option - and less costly than a hospital stay! so is using a midwife.

Cloth diapers - although the thought of them are gross - are cost effective compared to disposable. Wipes do not have to be disposable either (which I'm learning) but can be old washclothes, towels, sheets, etc cut up to use on bottoms. We've been using wash clothes on baby boy for the last two weeks - only because i kept forgetting to pick up wipes. Now I don't think I'm going to!

We only take our kids to the Dr. when it's medically necessary - i.e. I can't treat it at home (and we no longer immunize - the schools hate me)

We shop thrift stores, yard sales, and good will, and clearance racks for clothes. although it took me YEARS to be OK with this! Why? because I was the oldest of 3 children to a single mom who never had the money to buy us new and we always wore someone else's handmedowns or goodwill clothes. It's embarrassing to go to school and another kid says, LOUDLY, hey, that used to be my shirt! For the first 5 years of parenthood, I refused to let my kids wear anyone else's hand me downs - they had 100% new clothes ALL THE TIME. It's only been since I've made the decision to live more frugally have I been OK with used clothing (but i'm still really picky about what I buy for them!) I mean, shoot, with yardsales and the local Wellspring and clearance racks at retail stores, I've built up a HUGE wardrobe for Baby Girl for a grand total of about $30 - and that's from birth to 2 years! It can be done!

Food is cheap if you're growing/making your own and cooking for scratch.

School supplies get more expensive every year. Mostly because they want things that I normally wouldn't buy for the house - paper towels, napkins, shaving cream, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, dry erase markers, and once a teacher told me my son needed headphones to play games on the computer - I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Basic school supplies are usually fairly easy and cheap to obtain, it's the other stuff that gets it expensive, IMO. Then there's workbook fees. There ARE homeschooling alternatives that are more cost effective though - if a parent wanted to go that route. (it wasn't for me, we did try).

There's also a few local programs - not based on income - and back to school events that hand out free school supplies to the kids. Even the school does it by having a big carnival like celebration at the beginning of the school year. Kids get plastic bags with a notebook, loose leaf paper, glue, crayons, and pencils.

I have a tote tub full of crayons, paper, notebooks, pencils, pens, etc - some are left over supplies from previous years and some are new waiting to be used supplies that I've collected up over the past school year. This is something new I've just started to do to help offset some of the costs at the beginning of the year. I need to start another tote of supplies for paper towels, napkins - you know, the consumable stuff the teachers require each year.

I've come to one conclusion to having kids - if you want them, and you're waiting until you can afford them, you'll never have them because NO ONE can ever afford them - unless your Bill Gates.

But, kids aren't as expensive as people say, not if you don't give them everything under the sun. Kids need 3 basic things: Love, food, clothing. (if you want to throw medical care in there, OK, but like i said, I treat at home unless it's something that NEEDS a doctor)

Sorry if this went a little OT, and I don't think parenting IS for everyone - but I do believe everyone who IS parenting should be HANDS ON parenting! I know a lot of parents who spoil their kids because they miss time with them by working so they feel guilty - but they are still the parents, and the kids need to know that.

I also have a SIL, whose - if I didn't already have kids - two girls would make my tubes tie themselves.

 

[patandchickens]

as people going for and SS life style, why doesn't anyone look at an SS way of raising kids? Everyone points out the expenses, time, etc - we find ways to save $ every where we can - why not with kids, too????<snip> kids aren't as expensive as people say, not if you don't give them everything under the sun. Kids need 3 basic things: Love, food, clothing. (if you want to throw medical care in there, OK, but like i said, I treat at home unless it's something that NEEDS a doctor)

100% agree!! These numbers you read in the mainstream media about "how much it costs to raise a child" are just ridiculous and bear no relationship whatsoever to my life.

Unlike you, though, QA, our biggest kid expense IS in fact food -- and that is the one thing I was totally unprepared for. Had NO idea that a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old could, together, eat as much or more as two adults. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when they are teenagers! We do grow/raise a certain amount of our own food, and of course it's all cooking from scratch, but still, the grocery bill has at least doubled from what it was pre-children. Still, that isn't THAT much money in the grand scheme of things.

Actually I suppose the main cost of having kids, for us, is the "negative income" factor -- if I were not a mom I would have a job and be making money. However I would probably not be making all that MUCH money, under the circumstances, and I'm pretty sure I'm happier as a SAHM and doing stuff around the house than I would be at some random "whatever job I can get" job

Pat

 

[patandchickens]

Children are like tomatoes fortunately. The plant is basically poison and when the tomato first fruits it is bitter, ugly and hard, but if you give it the proper nourishment and let the sun lovingly shine down on it, in time it will mature into one of the most wonderful things on the planet.

Also, they stain somethin' awful


Pat