I'm back. Been a difficult few weeks. My step father had Parkinsons for the last 10 years or so. He's been on quite a number of drugs and it was keeping the ravages of the disease at a slower pace. He was having trouble walking, and couldn't climb stairs, so they put in a stair lift and he used a cane and sometimes a walker for stability.
Well, in late January, my mother and Don had their Sunday nite monthly bridge group over. They had dinner, played a few rounds of couples bridge (12 ppl), then dessert. Then a couple more games of bridge. At around 11:30, the guests left and mother and Don went upstairs to get ready for bed. All of a sudden, Don started slurring his words, mumbling, not making any sense. Mother thought of a stroke and asked him to raise his arms. No problem. But then when he went into the bathroom to go, he fell off the toilet, hit his head on the tile and really started to be more incorherent. Mother was going to dial 911, but he layed there and said, "no no no 9111111111111111...." Mother dialed it behind her back, heard them answer and then hung up. Sure enuf, they immediately called back and she answered the phone, as if she had never made any calls.
The paramedics arrived and stabilized him enough to go to the local hospital in an ambulance. In the meantime, mother's best friend who had been there that evening, came over to drive mother to the hospital. They were there for 6 hours as the Dr's found that Don had pneunomia (no symptoms), and gave him a swallowing test. He failed all 6 levels of the swallowing test. The muscles had given out, and all that he was eating was partially going into his lungs, with no cough reflex. The next day in ICU, they did a trach , at which point he got the MRSA infection, and it went downhill from there. I arrived in town the day they put him on life support.
His diagnosis was that his trach was now permanent, he'd never be able to eat or drink anything, that he'd be fed thru a tube. After 8 days in ICU, and the continuing decline in his health, we decided to remove him from life support. He hung onto life and he continued to try to communicate with us, via writing. I was the best at making the scribble intelligible, as he went in and out of lucidity. I and Mother and my sister stayed by his side for nine more days. His son came by every evening but his daughter in Hawaii couldn't come over. His brother in South Carolina said good bye to him over the phone. My brothers and their wives dropped by when they could.
All I could do was to hold his hand. Given the MRSA infection, and that he'd been moved up to the cancer ward to allow him to die without transporting him to a critical care center, we all had to suit up, with gown, gloves and mask. Day after day, we sat in his room, changing the hand holding patrol. As he declined further, he would become very agitated, and would squeeze my hand until it hurt, and a tear would run down his cheek. They would then up his morphine and give him atterol (??) to calm him down. He continued to try to write, even wanted to know when the upcoming cruise to Alaska was (a true event they had planned).
By Feb 14th, the smell in the room changed as along with him. Mind you, the nurses and his Dr were angels. Two times a day, they did a complete change of linens (putting crisp, creased from folds, white linens on his bed), gown, washed his face, brushed his teeth, smoothed cream on his arms and hands, suctioned his trach. Nurses are special angels sent by Heaven to care for the sick. A thankless job for sure, but they were steadfast in their care of him. When the smell changed, we then knew his time was coming. He passed on a Tuesday morning as mother and I were driving to the hospital to sit with him. 83 years old, engineer, nuclear expert, voracious reader, master at racquetball, excellent at bridge, and LOVED my mother for 27 years with complete devotion. (and she's difficult to love).
I stayed another week with mother to get paperwork organized. He did all the bills and investing and she didn't know his "system".
Came home for a day, and then DH and I went on a long planned trip to San Diego for a week. I'm home again, and will return to mother's next Monday for another week to help her with more paperwork, and to conduct the gathering of friends and family at their clubhouse as his memorial.
I;ve missed all of you, even tho you don't know me well. I've not done anything to be self sufficient, but instead learned alot about hospitals, medical care, nurses, finances, Neptune Society (cremation), death certificates, how every bank and other groups "needs" a death cert to do anything (sheesh...), and about love and compassion that I didn't know I had within me for the sick and ailing.
-Barbara
to you Barbara. I'm sorry for your loss.
