Paddling....

[Woodland Woman]

There is a private school around where I live that does use paddling as a punishment but if the child needs it they call the parent in and the parent does the paddling.

 

[the simple life]

The bible says to spare the rod you will spoil the child. It's important to discipline children because it will eventually make their lives easier and they are better citizens.

Just to clarify, I never said I did not or you should not discipline your children.
I said I never used physical punishment to do so and I never felt the need to.

I feel that they obey me because they respect me and don't like to disappoint me.
I have very well behaved children and in all of the years I have been raising kids, I never once had the school call me for anything. I have never recieved a phone call regarding something my kids have done.


For the record, I do have adult children now, and they are wonderful, amazing individuals and upstanding citizens who have contributed alot to society already.
They are very involved in our church, do alot of volunteer and mission work and I recieve compliments on them all the time.
So it would seem I didn't screw them up too bad by not hitting them.

 

[Beekissed]

The bible says to spare the rod you will spoil the child. It's important to discipline children because it will eventually make their lives easier and they are better citizens.

Just to clarify, I never said I did not or you should not discipline your children.
I said I never used physical punishment to do so and I never felt the need to.

I feel that they obey me because they respect me and don't like to disappoint me.
I have very well behaved children and in all of the years I have been raising kids, I never once had the school call me for anything. I have never recieved a phone call regarding something my kids have done.


For the record, I do have adult children now, and they are wonderful, amazing individuals and upstanding citizens who have contributed alot to society already.
They are very involved in our church, do alot of volunteer and mission work and I recieve compliments on them all the time.
So it would seem I didn't screw them up too bad by not hitting them.

I have turned out the same kind of children and I used "hitting" as punishment from infancy on up. Seems I didn't screw mine up too badly using "violence" as punishment, either!

 

[the simple life]

Thats the point here.

The thread started out with the question of what people thought about paddling in the schools.
I answered that I am against it as I do not hit my children and I certainly would never allow the school to do it.
Which is my honest answer.
The topic was about school paddling, not about parents spanking.
I only explained my reasoning why I am against schools doling out physical punishment.

So someone else posted the bible quote and a few comments that if you don't hit your kids you won't end up with good citizens, you are doing them a favor by making their life easier etc.

Its too bad that someone felt it necessary to criticize me for NOT spanking.

So I felt it was necessary to respond that I did in fact turn out great kids without hitting, I didn't think I would have to defend my parenting skills when I made no comments about others.
I believe I repeatedly mentioned that I don't believe its the school's place to hit kids, I mentioned the reason being is because I don't hit my kids so why would I allow others to.
I never stated that all parents are wrong for spanking in any of my post.
I also stated that parents will hopefully do what works best for them.
Its too bad that someone felt it necessary to criticize me for not spanking and stating that I would turn out less than par citizens.

As far as making them better adults and such, I preferred to make my kids mind me by listening to reason, suffering consquences related to their decisons and letting them make mistakes and dealing with the fall out so they will learn to think for themselves and hopefully foresee what the backlash will be for what they did.

I am pretty sure if a kid grows up and screws up as an adult, such at work, his boss isn't going to paddle him, he is going to get demoted or fired which is going to be a whole lot more life altering.

Those are the life skills I was trying to instill in my children now, by finding ways to punish them that involved facing consquences that would be realistic in the world.
A spanking lasts for a few minutes, but taking away privelages, making them work doing manual labor at a job around here that no one else wants to do,(not doing his regular chores got my son painting a fence for a few weeks in the summer) and coming home late got him shoveling out the chicken coops) skipping the school dance, missing someone's party, staying in for the weekend those are all things that lasted longer and stuck in their mind.
Even my younger children are on the demerit system and lose privelages if they accumulate too many.
In the end, for us it boils down to that my children to not like to disapoint me and want me to be proud of them for their behavior among other things.
The only other factor I can think of while I am sitting here writing this to account for their great behavior and our form of punishment being effective is that we are a laid back kind of family without alot of turmoil and drama going on for them to feed off of and act up.
My kids have always been able to come to me and tell me if they thought they did something that I wouldn't find acceptable and then we dealt with it.
Other than that I don't know what to tell you but I am not going to defend myself for my stance on the way I discipline my children and I shouldn't have to.

As far as putting the fear into kids, the idea that spanking is the only way to put fear into a kid is not true if you think that a child doesn't fear missing out on things they had planned to do.

As I said, someone took a post in this thread where I stated that I would not allow the school to paddle my kids when I don't even hit them and made it out to be that I am putting down people that spank.
The topic was paddling. I felt I needed to clarify what I had said and defend myself which should not have even be necessary.
This is how these threads get out of control.

 

[roosmom]

the simple life, I did not feel like you were putting me down at all. I believe that we all need to remember that these are different people with different views on life, and no one is bad just because they do something different. Right? So, to answer the question, which Yes we all gave opinions but for me to answer the post.......I really dont think I would want a teacher spanking my child.....If I want to beat my child then I can (LOL) but no one else should. Telling me to discipline them should be fine, and hopefully we as parents take care of it when they come home from school, wether it is by spanking or not. TO EACH HIS OWN. we all know what abuse is.
Just to let you know I am kind of smiling as I am typing this with absolutely no hurt feelings or malignant thoughts.

 

[FarmerChick]

RM
It really does take a village, but in this day and age you cannot even look funny at anothers child for dpong something so patently wrong.

*******that is so true. In the "olden" days my neighborhood was a click ya know....so the parents worked together. Now alot of people are fiercely independent types and if you do mention something their kid did, wow, they backlash and go on the defensive.....and go after you for mentioning it...LOL....again, it just ain't the same is it like "when I was a kid" which was a million years ago..HA HA

 

[FarmerChick]

simple life

I hope my post wasn't one that made you think I was commenting against you ---not at all.....I hope it wasn't what I wrote..LOL

I use both methods...One is a little spank...it would never go farther than that cause my Mom and Dad never "hit" us....they tried, but we ran...HA HA....it was always a small spank then the "talk"! And the spanks didn't happen often, alot of times it was taking away a priviledge or such...heck, we never got grounded....it wouldn't work on us kids..HA HA

For me I meant we need to put some fear into kids, either way, the talk, or taking away priviledges or maybe a small spank....it doesn't matter how we discipline, it just must be done...LOL

It is crazy when I watch a show like "supernanny" or somethign like that and the parents say, oh we let the kid do whatever and they wonder why the kid is out of control. Parents must control...it is for the good of the kid.

So I am just chatting and hope it wasn't me who might have written something misunderstood!

 

[Beekissed]

Touchy subject, no? Always very hot debate when discussing methods of child-rearing.

I've always wondered something, though....if someone doesn't use spanking but uses some other form of punishment, how do they then enforce THAT punishment. Say, kid breaks curfew and you tell him, your grounded for X amount of time. Then the kid slips out without permission and disobeys the grounding, what then? What punishment is worse than that and, if the kid just won't do it, what is the punishment for not sticking to the before given punishment? Say you give them extra chores for the disobeying of the breaking the grounding and they just refuse to do the chores....what comes next? I've always been curious about that... Does it go on and on for infinity? Chores or removal of privileges forever until something is obeyed? Say they refuse to obey on anything you dole out....what then is the punishment? I've always wondered about that all these years.

Now, don't get yer panties in a wad..this is not meant as any kind of criticism, I've just always wanted to know and this seems a good a time as any to ask!

 

[me&thegals]

As someone who as a child was "spanked" way too hard, way too long and way too often until I was way too old, I can say it certainly doesn't work for some kids. I truly believe if my parents had simply asked some things kindly and then expressed pride when I did them, things would have been different. I know what you mean, beekissed, about where does it ever end, but maybe some kids work differently than others. I have one child who is naturally more obedient and desires to please. My other child, I sometimes need to get in his face and tell him to do "X" NOW! and stand there and watch him. If he doesn't do "X", then he gets more practice by doing X AND Y. And so on, until he gets the point. Some days here are not very pleasant and I have to go outside and watch birds until my breathing calms down , but this is also the child I earlier referred to who responded WAY worse to spankings when he was younger.

I think the most terrifying part of parenting is that we have no training, no practice (except the real-life variety) and never know quite for certain how we've done until they're out of the house! I REALLY think parenting has to be tailored to each child and parent.

 

[FarmerChick]

LOL beekissed.....I am sure my Mom hears ya on this one. My kid is only 3 years old and the only one I have so I ain't into real parenting yet..HA HA

But Mom has told us now how many times she has torn her hair out over us....well, she should be bald by now...HA HA

I get your question cause Mom would have that trouble on us. It was first, don't do that, cause I said so, now go empty the trash, what you didn't do it, well wait til your father gets home, well that was a little scary, (why, who knows cause Dad was cool) but it often worked for some reason...LOL...but sometimes she couldn't get us to budge and we got mean of course and she went into insane mode..HA HA....I remember one time she chased me all around with a wet washcolth she had in her hand swinging.....I made it up the stairs to my room....LOL...Mom never went up the stairs after us...it wasn't worth it to her.........SO I guess what I am saying is eventually Mom went nutso on us and then we had to sneak down and apologize and do whatever she asked just to calm her down...kinda like kid torture of the parent...HA HA-----now, this all sounds crazy but it worked for us..HA HA