Paddling....

[the simple life]

simple life

I hope my post wasn't one that made you think I was commenting against you ---not at all.....I hope it wasn't what I wrote..LOL

I use both methods...One is a little spank...it would never go farther than that cause my Mom and Dad never "hit" us....they tried, but we ran...HA HA....it was always a small spank then the "talk"! And the spanks didn't happen often, alot of times it was taking away a priviledge or such...heck, we never got grounded....it wouldn't work on us kids..HA HA

For me I meant we need to put some fear into kids, either way, the talk, or taking away priviledges or maybe a small spank....it doesn't matter how we discipline, it just must be done...LOL

It is crazy when I watch a show like "supernanny" or somethign like that and the parents say, oh we let the kid do whatever and they wonder why the kid is out of control. Parents must control...it is for the good of the kid.

So I am just chatting and hope it wasn't me who might have written something misunderstood!

Meant to tell you it wasn't anything that you said at all.
Didn't want you to think it was.
I guess I am just dismayed at once again how quickly a thread can turn.
Guess I am annoyed that I answered a question about whether or not I would allow the school to paddle my children and I answered it honestly.
The only reason I mentioned that I do not hit my children is to explain why I am against the school doing it.
I never once said no one else should do it.
It just wasn't something I ever felt the need to do. I followed the natural progression of things and it just turned out I don't spank. Never felt the need to during all the phases of my life or my childrens' lives.
But the next thing you know a poster starts in on how you need to spank if your children are to turn out decent and all that. Spare the rod and spoil the children.
I have no idea where she thought it was okay to be critical of my parenting skills when she knows nothing of me and how great my children turned out to be.
The thread up until that point had stayed on topic about the paddling.
Then when I defended my reasoning (which I shouldn't have to) another poster gets agressive.
I am not sure at this point if people start to doubt their methods or not since they feel the need to be critical and question me.
If you reread the thread you will see where how it all went down.
This reminds me of the thread last week where people thought it was okay to question other people's decision to have children or not.
I guess I feel none of this stuff really has a place on this forum and in no way can be constructive.
I appreciate Karen that you wanted to make sure you didn't upset me or should I say "get my panties in a wad", it was nice of you.
I usually don't get hurt by other people's remarks but this was uncalled for in my opinion.
I guess from now on I won't open any threads that don't pertain to self sufficiency so I can be involved in discussions that will be more constructive and in keeping with the premise of this forum.

 

[shareneh]

Simple Life Wrote:


Thats the point here.

The thread started out with the question of what people thought about paddling in the schools.
I answered that I am against it as I do not hit my children and I certainly would never allow the school to do it.
Which is my honest answer.
The topic was about school paddling, not about parents spanking.
I only explained my reasoning why I am against schools doling out physical punishment.

So someone else posted the bible quote and a few comments that if you don't hit your kids you won't end up with good citizens, you are doing them a favor by making their life easier etc.

Its too bad that someone felt it necessary to criticize me for NOT spanking.

So I felt it was necessary to respond that I did in fact turn out great kids without hitting, I didn't think I would have to defend my parenting skills when I made no comments about others.
I believe I repeatedly mentioned that I don't believe its the school's place to hit kids, I mentioned the reason being is because I don't hit my kids so why would I allow others to.
I never stated that all parents are wrong for spanking in any of my post.
I also stated that parents will hopefully do what works best for them.
Its too bad that someone felt it necessary to criticize me for not spanking and stating that I would turn out less than par citizens.


I didn't mean anything by quoting the bible to this thread. I just meant that it was something I considered when I was raising children.

For the record I never intended anything toward you or anyone else concerning child rearing. I was feeling open and thought I would be able to speak freely.

I didn't realize that someone would take my words so literally and think that I was pointing the finger because I really wasn't.

I find it hard to make friends sometimes and I am new to this kind of communication. I guess I will have to watch what I say and read between every line on every post before I open my big mouth.

My apologies to you for hurting your feelings or breaking the rules.

Sharene

 

[FarmerChick]

yea I know how threads can turn into a bit of a different topic, kinda all related but not...LOL.

thanks for the post too cause this subject can be approached in so many ways and I surely didn't want to ever say it is only one way or no way

everything in life is a gray area...very seldom black or white. glad to know all is good!!

 

[roosmom]

My last post on this thread.....Thank-you all for not lambasting me for my views. Just letting me post them at this time (mad at kid, quitting smoking) and not yelling at me tells me that at least we are willing to listen to other people and not judge. Thank-you.

 

[Gravelcreekfarms]

It's been quite a while since I was in school. We never got paddled, just had to sit facing the corner while everyone snickered . It was very EFFECTIVE. I wouldn't send my kids to a school where they could be spanked. I'm the only person who can use corporal punishment on my children. Something that I have to do rarely, thank the Lord!

 

[Cassandra]

To stay on topic (which I have found very interesting) if I may...

I got corporal (is that the right spelling?) punishment in school twice. Both times in the first grade.(late 1970's) One time, we girls were all lined up after lunch to go to the restroom and someone started skipping, so we all started skipping. This was deemed to be against the "no running in the halls" policy. So we were all lined up and swatted on the bottom a couple of times by the teacher with a small wooden ruler.

The second time (also first grade) the students were in the auditorium after school waiting for bus numbers to be called. The teachers rotated out who got bus duty, and some of them were more stern than others about the "no talking" rule. I got caught talking one day by a no talking teacher and got swatted on the butt one time with a wooden paddle. Plus I (along with my two conspirators) had to stand on the stage with our backs to the seats until our bus numbers were called.

Neither of these paddlings hurt. But I was so embarrassed!

It just occurred to me, too, that some teachers, the "mean" ones, would walk around the school carrying a paddle.

This would be considered intimidation and bullying today. And making the child sit in the back of the room while the others snickered (sounds to me like the dunce hat treatment) would be considered psychological abuse.

I wanted to share one of the most absurd instances of school paddling of which I am aware. When I was in highschool (late 1980's) I was sitting outside the vo-tech office at my school waiting to talk to the admin for something. Three guys (one of whom I knew by name but that's all, the others unfamiliar) came to sit outside the office, too. The three of them started making very sexually suggestive comments to me. I didn't take them very seriously (and didn't feel threatened) I just sort of rolled my eyes and pointedly ignored them very hard. This went on for 10 or 15 minutes.

After school, I told my sister about it--again, not acting as if I'd been in trouble, more of a conspiritorial/scandalized thing as in, You won't believe what these stupid guys said... Well, my sister told my mother and my mother called the school. They never even questioned me about it. They questioned the one boy and he was, apparently, very remorseful about it, fessed up and implicated the other two.

The principal called and apologized to me and told me that all three of the guys had been paddled. (Paddling 16 year old guys for sexual harrassment, I mean COME ON.) ...... It seems even more absurd now than it did back then. Then, the guy in the bunch whose name I knew came up to me and apologized, too. He said they'd just been kidding around and didn't mean to offend me. I guess they'd gotten a good talking to, as well as the paddling.

I was pretty much mortified by the whole thing. I mean, yes, guys need to learn how not to talk to women... but I wish they had learned on someone else!

Cassandra

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Ok I didn't finish reading all the posts, but I will in a minute, but I wanted to tell you all about a book I am reading.

The book is called, "No Fear", and although it is by a retired Cleveland Juvenile Corrections officer, Robert R. Surgenor, it is about discipline (and Ohio state laws regarding discipline) and one of the things he states over and over in this book is that kids today have NO parental fear. They know how to push parents buttons and get away with it.

Per the Ohio advised Code, discipline that does not create a substantial risk of serious physical harm to the child (physical, emotional, or mental) is legal!

In Ohio, if you are disciplining your child in public, it is ILLEGAL for someone to interfere. It is illegal for CPS to tell us we can't spank or touch our kids.

In the very back of the book he lists the laws for disciplining kids for every state! It is a great resource for information.

I believe in spanking. We have and do spank for things that we feel warrant that spanking.

Surgenor also has videos. I have watched them. In one he tells a story about a 9 year old boy who called the police on his mom. She had told him something to do, he cursed at her, and as a reflex she slapped his face. The officers showed up and this boy told them to arrest his mom for smacking him. Even showed off her red hand print on his face. Officer turned to mom and asked her side of the story. Mom told him she had told him to do something, he cursed her, she smacked him. Mom was scared to death. Officer asked what word the boy used, mom didn't want to tell him. Officer made her say it, and when she did, the officer rounded on the boy, picked him up by the shirt collar and said, "If you had said that to my wife, you wouldn't sit for a week!"

Whether you agree with spanking or not, or are in Ohio or not, I recommend this book! It deals alot with unruly kids and a parents right to correct them. His main point to the whole thing is kids have no fear of the consequences. Spanking gives them a sense of fear, and a healthy fear at that.

Discipline, any form of discipline, has to be consistent! Someone asked why spanking doesn't work the first time? I haven't met a single kid yet that learned the first time. Kids need told several times before they learn something, and sometimes that telling needs to be in the form of corporal punishment.

I also want to state that I do not believe in the mantra "It takes a village". Personally, I would rather the village not try to parent my children. I believe it takes INVOLVED parents to raise a child. Children who do not have involved parents are the ones who eventually suffer.


Thank you for letting me voice my opinion!

 

[Cassandra]

I also want to state that I do not believe in the mantra "It takes a village". Personally, I would rather the village not try to parent my children. I believe it takes INVOLVED parents to raise a child. Children who do not have involved parents are the ones who eventually suffer.

I totally agree with you there. I'd much rather if someone in the village has a problem with my kid, they let me know so I can take care of it.

Cassandra

 

[FarmerChick]

I stated before I think it does take a village to raise kids.....but for me, my interruption is this.....I want the parents to keep an eye out, show them good examples when playing at other kids houses, not to disrespect and obey their house rules and such.....more of a watchdog effort. I don't want the village actually disciplining them...just keeping that eye out. More eyes the better on kids..LOL

 

[shareneh]

I need to clarify something that I said on this thread. It has been bothering me and keeping me from sharing my thoughts with you all.

I said that kids sometimes needed spanking and that I agreed with spanking. I also want everyone to know that I didn't go around spanking my kids every day or even every year. I also said that our school where I grew up practiced corporal punishment and I didn't have a problem with that.

But this is what I wanted to clarify. We lived in a remote place where medical attention is hours away by airplane or boat. Keeping your kids safe is the number one issue with mothers and everyone else in the village for that matter. Kids getting spanked wasn't something that was done on a whim and not to others children.

My husband at the time taught me to never holler at the kids unless their lives were in danger. Much like when people in cities holler when kids run into the street. The native people, the Tlingit practice this control over their kids to help them in times of danger. Our kids were never afraid of getting a spanking, they were afraid to be shamed in front of the other kids. Getting yelled at was embarrassing.

I did not mean to say that people went ahead and spanked my kids when they did something wrong, I meant that they watched over the kids and the kids knew they were being taken care of. It didn't matter that the person in the village wasn't their parent, they knew to respect the rules because not respecting them could get them killed. There are bears running around everywhere, we lived right by a mountain stream, nothing to mess around with.

Anyway, I have tried multiple times to share my views and erased my replies because I was worried someone might burn me on a thread. I hope by writing this clarification helps me and others to share. I really do love this site and hope I don't insult anyone all over again by writing this.

This is for my benefit mostly. Thanks for listening.