Paddling....

[miss_thenorth]

Shareneh--I didn't participate in this thread, and have no intention to do so now. I clicked on it, because this thread had been dead for a very long time.

I'm sorry you felt the need to clarify. And I'm sorry you have held back from sharing.

The reason I didn't post is because I, and alot of other people have very stong feelings on this issue. And everyone is entitled to their opinion. So if feelings got hurt, that will happen with passionate topics. But we are all grownups, and when the discussion passes, we also move on. I truly hope you begin to share again.

I truly don't believe that anyone will burn you on a thread because of who you are. We have a great bunch here, --understanding, compassionate, tolerant, and mature. We do feel strongly about certain issues, but we discuss them in a very tolerant manner.

Please join us again. We all have alot to share, and learn from each other.

 

[FarmerChick]

Anyway, I have tried multiple times to share my views and erased my replies because I was worried someone might burn me on a thread. I hope by writing this clarification helps me and others to share. I really do love this site and hope I don't insult anyone all over again by writing this.

***nah, you won't get burned on a thread.....all of us posters know when to not take it to another level. sometimes topics are hard to type a reply and get our point across. typing sure isn't the same as chatting.

It is funny, but I do that with Nicole. I holler only when something bad might happen or if I must get her attention for something very important, kinda dangerous. Then I go back to normal voice....I never yell. Only yell if it is a very bad situation going downhill fast. I can relate big time to what you wrote. It seems to be the way I put an emergency type situation as a procedure. Yell only if something bad might or is happening. I never yell other than that. Hmmm.....does that all make sense that I wrote..HA HA HA
And it works!!!! Cause if I yell, Nicole stops, attention on me, listens right away, never doesn't respond...does what I say immediately. So it is a good way to handle life's situations. Works well.....cause if I yell...then it means something very important to her. Other than that, never raise my voice for any reason. I guess it goes back to the olden days, yelling was an alarm...not an everyday occurence of griping, etc. like it is in many households today.

but I hear ya and understand your post!

 

[shareneh]

Thanks guys for understanding and helping me feel better. I am too sensitive sometimes and find myself missing out on things by feeling awkward. I am new to this type of communication and didn't know what to think.

Thanks again for the support and I have already felt better replying to people's questions and ideas.

Thanks again,

Sharene

 

[MorelCabin]

I believe that spanking is very individual and really depends on the child. Some children just don't respond to anything else and others would be so broken over it that it would do much more damage than good.
I raised three kids...the oldest one definitely required spankings to stop him from causing great harm to himself and others. The middle one only got spanked when she got involved in very dangerous play with the older one (like catching our house on fire by doing some crazy thing the oldest one told her to)
The youngest, on the other hand, would have been completely put into an anxiety attack at the very mention of a spanking and you could easily get through to him by simply telling him you were very dissappointed.
I don't think it is up to anyone outside any individual family to insist either way that it is good or bad.
Biblically speaking, the rod was used in many ways, and protection and love was one of them. A good shepperd doesn't hit his sheep with the rod...he uses it to keep them safe from predators and to lead them in the right direction, but there is no mention of beating in the 23rd psalm. There's just alot of mention of comfort.
"Thy rod and thy staff comfort me" doesn't mean a beating...
"Spare the rod spoil the child" could just as easily mean that if you do not show your love to a child you will spoil him...spoil meaning ruin...
I think a spank happy and otherwise unloving parent that is heavy on the 'rath' of God needs to be taught that the rod doesn't mean beating. If your kids are rebelling over a lack of love then the rod being used as a beating stick really isn't going to have any effect except to destroy that child even more.

Spanking really needs to be used in the right context and if you are going to spank you have to be really careful to also to make sure that you balance it with alot of love:>)
The problem with parents today is that we are so bombarded with different child rearing methods that don't work that we are really confused. It is very difficult to find balance with anything these days, including parenting. I have made my share of mistakes...that child that we spank all the time doesn't usually get the balance of love because it is often the one who fills us with frustration to the point that we have a difficult time feeling love. The one you never have to spank is easy to love and very hard to discipline when needed because of the favour you have for them
Parenting is never easy, and there are no black and whites in that job...

 

[xineohpoel]

Just me but, I wouldn't want teachers paddling my children. Growing up I found too many teachers that loved paddling and scaring children. For instance I had a Physical Education teacher. It seemed I got sick every day during PE class.

He thought I was just making stuff up and trying to be difficult. I got paddled every day while he laughed about it. It finally came down to me kicking him in the sausage and two eggs and bit him because I was tired of him beating me everyday. This incident finally alerted my parents. It turns out I had diabetes and when my glucose ran low I would get sick. I was 7 or 8 I think.

My cousin passed through his class a few years later and was removed by his mom because he was paddling her son for stuttering and called him retarded. 10 years later he was fired and arrested for beating a student in the back with the paddle so hard it caused internal damage.

 

[deb1]

Touchy subject, no? Always very hot debate when discussing methods of child-rearing.

I've always wondered something, though....if someone doesn't use spanking but uses some other form of punishment, how do they then enforce THAT punishment. Say, kid breaks curfew and you tell him, your grounded for X amount of time. Then the kid slips out without permission and disobeys the grounding, what then? What punishment is worse than that and, if the kid just won't do it, what is the punishment for not sticking to the before given punishment? Say you give them extra chores for the disobeying of the breaking the grounding and they just refuse to do the chores....what comes next? I've always been curious about that... Does it go on and on for infinity? Chores or removal of privileges forever until something is obeyed? Say they refuse to obey on anything you dole out....what then is the punishment? I've always wondered about that all these years.

Now, don't get yer panties in a wad..this is not meant as any kind of criticism, I've just always wanted to know and this seems a good a time as any to ask!

I spanked my children when they were very young and decided that for them, it wasn't a good form of punishments. Spankings are not effective for my own children. Although I realize that they were effective for other children.

I spend a lot of time talking to my kids. They obey me. I even had an older lady tell me that she knew that I had well disciplined kids because they are so polite. LOL

When I give chores, my kids do them. When I ground them, they don't sneak out. I honestly have no idea what I did to make my children obey me without spanking them.

I've seen very bad, disrespectful children who were spanked and very bad, disrespectful children who weren't spanked.

I think being consistent is the key, no matter what form of discipline that you use. Some parents don't follow through and wait until they are angry to punish their kids.

 

[deb1]

[As for the little gal who got spanked all the time? My guess is that she didn't get spanked hard enough for her to get the point..probably just hard enough to make her mad! !

I have a different theory on this. Some parents interact with their children mainly when they are angry. They ignore them the rest of the time. As long as the child is not causing the parent to notice them, they tend to act as though the child is not there. Yes, they take physical care fo their kid but do little to connect on a emotional level with the child.

Children need their parents attention. If they can only get negative attention then they will act out just to get some reaction from their parents.

 

[deb1]

Back to the original topic of the thread.

I don't know how old you all are but kids were NOT better when I was young(I am 42)

When I was young, I knew lots of kids that were trying pot or having sex. Many were latch key kids and did all sorts of bad things when their parents weren't around.

Outwardly, I think that kids were more respectful when I was young. But I think that they were more sneaky.

I moved a lot. Every school that I went to had times when dogs were brought in to sniff the lockers. This kept drugs out of schools but we wouldn't have needed those rules if there wasn't a problem.

Schools practiced spanking when I was young. One of the vice principals got in trouble for leaving bruises on a middle school aged girl's bottom. I remember that he spanked ALOT of kids. She was probably the first to complain. The case got thrown out, even with proof of bruises.

Do not spank my child if you are not me. I think that the only person who should spank a child is the parent or a relative that the parent has authorized to do so.

I do think that parents should have the ability to spank if they decide it is best for their families.

 

[Beekissed]

I think there should be classes given on discipline and effective spanking methods if parents are to be allowed to spank. I think ineffective spanking is worse than no discipline at all!

Rage spanking is what I see most folks do.....let their kids get by with murder and then WHAM! Come down on them with a face filled with rage and do the quick, mad hand spanking that is the mark of a knee jerk reaction. They have the kid by one arm and are trying to spank with the other and it is a horrible scene. The kid is either dancing around in a circle or falling down on the floor while the parent is red-faced and shouting. Sooooooo not right.

I agree that some spankings need to be done in a timely manner in a reaction to a dangerous infraction of the rules, like running out in traffic or a similar episode. But, for the most part, spanking needs to be performed without all that intense emotion and in a quiet setting away from other people or siblings.

Just like any other kind of punishment, it should be done with sound judgement and with appropriate force, preferably with a spanking tool like a light paddle or slender switch.

Just my $.02

 

[deb1]

I think there should be classes given on discipline and effective spanking methods if parents are to be allowed to spank. I think ineffective spanking is worse than no discipline at all!

Rage spanking is what I see most folks do.....let their kids get by with murder and then WHAM! Come down on them with a face filled with rage and do the quick, mad hand spanking that is the mark of a knee jerk reaction. They have the kid by one arm and are trying to spank with the other and it is a horrible scene. The kids is either dancing around in a circle or falling down on the floor while the parent is red-faced and shouting. Sooooooo not right.

I agree that some spankings need to be done in a timely manner in a reaction to a dangerous infraction of the rules, like running out in traffic or a similar episode. But, for the most part, spanking needs to be performed without all that intense emotion and in a quiet setting away from other people or siblings.

Just like any other kind of punishment, it should be done with sound judgement and with appropriate force, preferably with a spanking tool like a light paddle or slender switch.

Just my $.02

I agree. If a parent is going to spank, it should be done as you describe, BeeKissed.