What would you give up?

[FarmerChick]

I love garbage pickup ---we just went up to $18/mo. 1 day per week pickup.

I used to take it to the dump but honestly time and gas wasn't worth the convenience of almost $60 per quarter. Plus I hate touching garbage bags....just me..LOL

 

[cknmom]

Dance-If you give up all cable, you will watch less t.v so you will use less elec.

firem3-hope your extraction goes well, take it easy.

We use the computer lots more than the t.v.
Monica

 

[Beekissed]

My oldest has been visiting for a couple of months and coincidentally, my electric bill has doubled and almost tripled. He uses the laptop and watches TV way more than we do and stays up, burning lights, for half the night.

I've explained what this does to my electric bill but he doesn't get it! His apartment is "all utilities paid", so he doesn't realize how much difference just one careless person can make.

I'll come home from work and he's on the PC, the TV is on but not playing anything and he is drying clothes....yet again! My bill went from $17 and change to $50 something since he's been here!

firem3-hope your extraction goes well, take it easy

Ditto! That is a miserable operation, to be sure!

 

[cknmom]

Beekissed-I am a very tough love type of mother. I have kicked all of my kids out , some a few times! They have said it was a good thing , later on of course. It is your house, he is an adult guest(even though he is your son) your rules go. Set the rules for visiting and stick to them. If he doesn't like them, he can stay elsewhere or GO HOME!! If nothing else he could help pay the inflated bills.

Monica

 

[Beekissed]

Yeah, I hear you! I've kicked this one out a couple of times already but I'm just beginning to understand that his thinking processes are not on par with the normal 22 yr. old......well, I guess we've always known something was different since he was a toddler, but we have just lately been getting some light shed on this boy's main difficulty.

I'm beginning to believe that the problems we have been dealing with all his life has a name...all the symptoms point towards Asperger's. Our methods of dealing with him in the past have been largely unsuccessful when it comes to reasonable thinking. He's so wonderful in so many ways...sweet, hard-working, affectionate, big-hearted, intelligent. Then there is another side to this one....the social maturity level of an 8 year old.

In his mind, since he cleans my house, does all the laundry, bakes bread and cooks meals....he "deserves" to take these liberties "for all the work I do around here". Most people in this situation would realize that getting to stay and eat somewhere for free is fair trade for earning one's keep around the house. He is incapable of making that connection, no matter how many times we discuss it. Asperger's people don't have a "self-analysis" feature in their brain, this portion is highly undeveloped or just nonexistent.

Makes him hard to deal with, at times, and largely futile to keep kicking him out when his only other option is to become homeless(he can't hold a job for long before getting fired...not for laziness, but for this little glitch in his mind that makes him complain and demand fair treatment all the time). Now, most people could learn to become street wise and savvy....a guy like this will just get killed....or worse.

So...I just choose my battles until I can get him moved to the next job and place...that he will eventually lose. Not your normal kid...and not for lack of my trying. I have fostered independence in these children since day one...he wants independence, but he just doesn't understand all the sacrifices that one has to make at jobs to earn one's independence in this world. Or the sacrifices for material things one cannot afford (should have learned that in this household, that's for sure!) Nothing is fair and you just have to shut up and swallow a lot of crap to survive. Everyone does! He just can't get that through his mind and its kind of sad. I don't know how this will all end, really.

 

[Homesteadmom]

Beekissed, does your son talk a lot? We have a boy in our homeschool group who has asperger's & he talks almost constantly. He is very smart & nice but he never stops talking!!!

 

[Beekissed]

YES!!! Nonstop when he is not reading or doing something like watching TV or playing on the computer. They tend to be very single-minded....almost obsessive, you could say. They will talk, talk, talk about whatever it is that they are fixated on at the moment. He can very rarely have a give and take conversation. Never asks questions that are not pertinent to his subject matter.

Joel is not as bad as the Asperger boy at church, but almost. I get to where I can hardly stop myself from saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah....ten words or less here!" Very, very irritating and exhausting at times. I hate to say that about my own child but its the truth... :/

 

[roosmom]

Beekissed, is this an actual diagnosable thing? cause let me tell you about my son. Very very loving, always says it to me. Does cleaning and cooking here too, always complains that someone Isnt treating them fair, fair rights etc etc. EH made him quit school in the ninth grade, and now I am trying to get him to get his GED. Stuck on this getting a job kick instead of getting thru school ( and yes he will lose it). Checked into the military, but now it has been three months and I dont think he wants to go anymore. Yea, kick him out and he is homeless. and on and on....So is this diagnosable?

 

[cknmom]

I'm sorry beekissed and roosmom, Your sons sound like they are very tiring indeed. In their cases all you can do is love them and help them how you can.

With that said, unfortunately there are far too many adults/kids in this society right now that DON'T have Aspergers that do the same thing! They have actually been taught by our society(some parts) that they aren't to blame for anything and everyone owes them. You all know just what I'm talking about.

Our DGD's mother is like this, god knows that I didn't raise her like that. And that is the main reason we have DGD instead of her mother.

God bless you and hang in there. Too bad there isn't someplace that would be understanding about his/their problem and hire them. I know out here in CA walmart and vons has many, many downsyndrom adults working there. They work at jobs they can handle. And sometimes they just wander off while they are doing it, but everyone knows this and deals with it. It gives the adults so much pride that they have a job. Someone needs to step up and help people that are capable , it would help immensly their confidence, self-worth and self-respect.

Monica

 

[Beekissed]

Beekissed, is this an actual diagnosable thing? cause let me tell you about my son. Very very loving, always says it to me. Does cleaning and cooking here too, always complains that someone Isnt treating them fair, fair rights etc etc. EH made him quit school in the ninth grade, and now I am trying to get him to get his GED. Stuck on this getting a job kick instead of getting thru school ( and yes he will lose it). Checked into the military, but now it has been three months and I dont think he wants to go anymore. Yea, kick him out and he is homeless. and on and on....So is this diagnosable?

Asperger's is a diagnosis, but I'm not sure of the perimeters of behavior for which they distinguish this disorder from the rest of the psychoses. Its a high-functioning level of autism and one can be pretty severe, or less, depending on the individual. Remember Rain Man? He had Asperger's. These people tend to be pretty brilliant (idiot savant) but are unable to utilize this intelligence due to the other factors. They are basically socially retarded. I know that sounds like ridicule, or a joke of some kind, but its a real handicap. They cannot pick up on social cues that help them adapt to situations when dealing with others. They don't know the appropriate emotional cues, appropriate modes of behavior or how to express their emotions properly. And, due to this anomaly, they are incapable of learning these things.

Joel feels pain but does not react to it like we do...it seems he feels no pain. Instead of the normal response of withdrawing, he derives anger or pleasure from pain. See? Not quite normal. Instead of knowing when to shut up to de-escalate an emotional situation, he will persist in arguing, or talking, or even joking when others are angry and sad.

The symptoms are numerous..but you get the picture here. I didn't mean to hijack this thread at all but sometimes conversations have a way of getting off track, don't they? The point is that a large number of children are showing up with this and, since its a handicap that isn't clearly seen, or readily recognizable, people just think they are just idiots or jerks. Its really sad, because they are usually really sweet kids.