You have GOT to be kidding me............

[miss_thenorth]

Redux, interesting name choice. :/

Thank you. My hair is red, and I love ducks..soooo

Just back to say that. I will leave you all to agree with one another.

redux   [ri-duhks] Show IPA
adjective
brought back; resurgent: the Victorian era redux.
Origin:
165060; < L: returning (as from war or exile), n. deriv. (with pass. sense) of redcere to bring back; see reduce

 

[Dace]

Redux, interesting name choice. :/

Thank you. My hair is red, and I love ducks..soooo

Just back to say that. I will leave you all to agree with one another.

redux   [ri-duhks] Show IPA
adjective
brought back; resurgent: the Victorian era redux.
Origin:
165060; < L: returning (as from war or exile), n. deriv. (with pass. sense) of redcere to bring back; see reduce

 

[big brown horse]

I remember being young. I had a wonderful FULL life as a pre-teen and teenager. I never fell into temptation at a young age either. I had animals to take care of, horses to ride, friends, goals, after school jobs etc.

My parents didn't have any rules for us ('sept to be polite) (and btw they were not christians). I had a very free, open minded up bringing. Both parents had careers and I was home alone a few hours every day after school. I also lived in a very small town where everyone knew my folks.

I just didn't have time for pre teen sex. Boys got in the way of what I wanted to do.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I am just saying NOT IN MY HOUSE! It is my job as a parent to protect my child from pre-teen sex, by giving her plenty of other things to keep her busy, I spend lots of time with her, talk to her about anything and everything.

I do not think children are mature enough to have sex. If they are having sex, then their parents need to give them more attention and fill thier lives with more meaningful activities. (Until they fall dead asleep in their tracks. )

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

i was young and had self control.

i never lied, stole anything, drank, smoked, did any drugs, nor did i have sex...of any kind. i never missed curfew, skipped school, cheated, nor did i ever do an 'all-nighter' trying to get my school work done.

my parents set a good example and taught me that peer pressure is a bunch of crap and there are much better, worthier things to do than run with a bunch of ne'erdowellers committing small crimes and getting into trouble.

to me, shrugging and saying 'well they are gonna do it anyway' is a cheap way out.

if teens havent mastered self control then they probably need more supervision....and to BBH's point.. more things to do.

as far as

As far as I recall,. marriage does not prevent pregnancy or STDs. Plenty of married people find themselves with a postiive test. It happens. Not all spouses practice self-control, I guess.

we were talking about CHILDREN having sex. its not acceptable. most 12 year olds cant even keep their rooms clean, how on earth anyone can think it ok for them to have sex is beyond me.

as far as pregnancy in marriage - thats where it belongs. life is hard enough without being a teenage, single mom.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

I never said that 12 year olds should be having sex. I just said that they are, whether their parents want them to or not. You can stick your head in the sand and say "Not my child" or you can deal with it.

The choice is yours. Sometimes being a parent means facing truths we would rather not face.

As much as you feel you are a "hands on" parent, you cannot be with your child 24-7. Kids are also known to climb out windows, lie, skip school, and just be endlessly devious.

Were none of you ever young?

Oh yes, I was young, and I had a very single very hands on mother - and she put the fear into God of us kids. Abuse us, no, but she made sure we realized that if we ever did anything disobedient - like sneak out, lie (you don't lie to my mom! believe me! flames leap off her tongue and scorch the hairs off your brows!) etc. - there would be severe consequences for our misbehavior.

My first serious boyfriend dumped me because my mom told him if he touched me before we were married (I was 17 he was 18) she would make sure charges were pressed for statutory rape. Well, fear worked, he left. The wimp.

It worked out well, I got a much better man.

Kids are not endlessly devious unless they are left to their own devices and never made to face the consequences of their bad behaviors.

We are not here to be our children's friends, we are here to raise them into proper behaving, mature adults. That means talk to them, be honest with them, show them through your behaviors what kind of behaviors you expect from them, and to discipline when they have done something they shouldn't.

And if they don't listen to their parents, we'll hold a seance at OFG's and Sick Ol' Fred on them.

 

[ToLiveToLaugh]

I remember being young. I had a wonderful FULL life as a pre-teen and teenager. I never fell into temptation at a young age either. I had animals to take care of, horses to ride, friends, goals, after school jobs etc.

My parents didn't have any rules for us ('sept to be polite) (and btw they were not christians). I had a very free, open minded up bringing. Both parents had careers and I was home alone a few hours every day after school. I also lived in a very small town where everyone knew my folks.

I just didn't have time for pre teen sex. Boys got in the way of what I wanted to do.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I am just saying NOT IN MY HOUSE! It is my job as a parent to protect my child from pre-teen sex, by giving her plenty of other things to keep her busy, I spend lots of time with her, talk to her about anything and everything.

I do not think children are mature enough to have sex. If they are having sex, then their parents need to give them more attention and fill thier lives with more meaningful activities. (Until they fall dead asleep in their tracks. )

My mom always said, kids need to be "busy, broke, and tired". Basically, keep em doing things (busy), make them spend their own money on their activities (tired- and this also teaches money management!), and doing so much they sleep hard at night!

And let me tell you, it worked. Out of the three of us, we all went to college. I'm the youngest, both my brothers graduated already, I'm a year away. Two of us got full rides, one brother on a sports, and me on an academic. My oldest bro has a great job, network security, I don't know exactly how much he makes but I know its 55k+ which is damn impressive for a 24yr old. Middle bro is doing pro soccer, with a spot waiting at med school. I'm less of an achiever, but we'll see where I end up....

Point being, we all turned out fine. We all had sex the first time sometimes between 16-18 years old. No pregnancies, no STIs, nothing like that. My mom was very candid with us about how to be safe, and we all were. 12 is a ridiculous age, and those parents need a sound whooping (haha, jk- mainly). But I also think expecting people to wait until college or marriage is an unrealistic expectation. Even in kids who have their lives together (see: my brothers) that doesn't pan out.

Just my two cents. But then, I am young and naive.

 

[Occamstazer]

ToLiveToLaugh, couldn't agree more!
I think expecting one's kids to wait for marriage isn't the best advice, and it's not what I will teach.
I think one's physical bond with a partner is such a crucial part of a lasting relationship that it is unwise to wait until marriage.
Not criticizing anyone else's choices, just how I see things

 

[big brown horse]

"Busy, broke and tired" too cute! So far that is working for my 13 year old.

Sadly kids and parents these days are bombarded by glorified teen sex and general sexuality in this society. There is even a tv show called "16 and pregnant", or something like that. Commercials featuring the female body to sell beer and other products are everywhere.

What is society doing to our pre-teens and teenagers? (Especially the girls.)

Anyone care to discuss?

Is it always the parent's fault? I want to say yes, but there is a sliver of doubt...especially when so many of them are coming from a one parent household. (Guilty) Can we really stop all of them from having sex?

I mean, we all have our opinions on how we are raising our own children the way we were raised, and I feel like it will work. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking if what worked on us will work on them, considering society now days?

 

[ToLiveToLaugh]

BBH, I don't think it's the sex that needs to be targeted as the problem as much as what CAUSES the sex. To my mind, that is girls with low self esteem, seeking a man's (well, boy's) touch to justify her existence. Instead, girls need to learn skills and sports to feel confident in themselves, and like you said, the media bombarding them with "sexy ladies" that don't even exist in reality doesn't help at all. I do think that a good peer group, activities, and involved parenting can help to diffuse some of the poisonous images passed on to young girl (and boy's expectations of what makes a "woman"). If this is achieved sometimes through limiting media exposure, so be it. We didn't watch a lot of TV growing up, and I didn't ever have a beauty magazine until I was 14 and my aunt bought one for me for christmas. I had the good sense to be insulted.

 

[lupinfarm]

I agree with you ToLiveToLaugh..


From my own experience this is what I can say..

I was friends with a girl when I was young named Sadie. Sadie lived up the road from me in a very middle-class, suburban home, 2 kids and a dog, kind of area. She was one of 4 girls in a very religious dutch family. They went to church every Sunday (and I went with them until I was about 10), and all read from the bible every evening before bed. The girls weren't allowed to do anything at all, the parents were quite restrictive and religious. Once they all started hitting middle school, they started going downhill. Their parents had taught abstinence and only that, no real education and I hate to say it, but our school system is awful about teaching sexual education. They have diagrams from the 50s, and up until recently they didn't teach much other than "OMG DON'T DO IT, you'll rot and get all these STI's" etc. Danielle, had 2 kids by the time she was done high school (second eldest daughter), Shannon had a falling out with her parents and moved away at the age of 16, she had kids later after getting married (eldest daughter), Jessica was a pot head throughout high school, did a lot of drugs, got really wasted, .. didn't get pregnant. Sadie, however, the youngest had a kid at 17. Gorgeous little girl. Sadie was and is still into drugs, she's a "punk" faux-skinhead, and lives in a small apartment downtown with a bunch of friends. Her parents take care of her now 4 year old daughter.

I just think that, IMO, her parents let them all down by not talking to them about sex. They believed only in marriage and then sex, and it totally backfired.

Everyone is open to their own opinions and ways of teaching their kids, but I just don't think it works. I do believe that we should be telling kids not to do it, but I also think we should be teaching them safe sexual practices and giving them a good, solid, education in sex. We should also provide them with everything they need to stay safe!

Now on to me! I was raised by my mum mostly. My dad had irregular hours (and still does) and we didn't see him as much. My parents were open about sex, we weren't and aren't religious, despite me going to church as a youngster for a small amount of time. I was involved in some sports, most that I hated, and I was involved in horse back riding. I grew up in the city though and spent my weekday afternoons and weekends at the barn with my horse. I was a baddd bad kid though. Despite all the great things my parents did for me, they taught me well, and how to be safe, etc. I was somewhat involved with a boy at 14, and was sexually active in my teens but my parents were diligent about teaching me about safe sex. I was told to keep condoms, etc. in my room and to go on the pill (though I already took it for my period). I have no kids, no STI's, and my parents did not once teach "don't do it" but "if you do it, be safe." Of course, I was intelligent enough not to start having sex at 12 years old.

From what I remember that article was from the UK? (I could be wrong) but things are different there. Unfortunately a lot of pre-teens are sexually active in the UK, and there, as my memory serves me from growing up there over the summers, seems to be an urgent need to grow up. Kids go through the school system faster and earlier in the UK and a lot of them are responsible for themselves a lot earlier than we are here. Most parents woulidn't dare think of leaving their kids home alone at 9 or 10, but when I was a kid and my cousins were young, it was very normal. I remember being in a shopping centre in my parents hometown in England and seeing a kid, who couldn't have been much older than 7, yabbering away on his cellphone. I didn't have a cellphone until I was 14, and I only had it because my parents couldn't be home all the time and I needed it for safety purposes.

BBH, I can't say I paid much attention to the media-frenzy surrounding beauty and sex appeal when I was in high school (not so long ago, I graduated in 2007). I never wore makeup, and I rarely do now. I know for *some* girls there was a certain pressure around looking beautiful and being the best at everything and that sex appeal but they were mainly in the more "popular" groups of girls. I was far from popular, and I wasn't thin and skinny either (still am not!). I think also that kids in a sense choose to be influenced by popular media by the way they dress, what music they listen to, etc. I primarily listened to bands like the beatles, and some rock and punk/ska. I wore very conservative clothing and covered up well. Whereas girls I knew who bought into the rap/hip hop and pop culture dressed like they did, skimpy and barely wearing anything. Most parents would be surprised to find out how much their kids music preference affects their sex life, sex appeal/(clothing).


I love love love the Dove Self-Esteem campain, if anyone has seen the commercials for it..