Are we living our dreams?

Well just to toss some hope out there...I didn't think DH and I would last either. In fact as far as I was concerned there was no hope and it was over. But, the time apart made us both plenty aware that that was not what either of us wanted as much as we thought we did. And EVERYBODY knows the issues I had with my youngest step daughter....even that has changed drastically, and we get along better than ever now. Maybe a break is good Rhoda. I hope the kids are okay and that you find peace whatever the outcome may be. Still praying for reconciliation and healed relationships for all of you, kids included. :hugs
 
Thanx. It hurts, but I'm determined to stay busy, so I can put my mental energies to good use. My head is going a million miles a minute, so might as well make the best of it. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.....Even if I feel cursed right now, I can be a blessing to others and even to myself, if I can just stay motivated. Its time for my BP to stabalize and for me to breath in peace.
I am a little worried about finances, but with the way my mind is working and the animals I have to thin out and the yard I have to plant in, if I can't figure a way to cut corners, then something is seriously wrong.
Don't get me wrong....I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine right now:(
 
My most trying time of the week is fast approaching. I have recently referred to it, privately as the 'Great Saddness,' because I will have to soon rest up to stay awoke tonight and I imagine DH will want the girls. It only makes sense, but I"m not accustomed to this broken home business. Last weekend I went into a deep depression and on Saturday, I literally stayed in bed the whole day. Well, I will get them back Sunday afternoon when I go to Mass.
Round 2 of cleaning my room. I moved furniture around and organized a few corners. I'm fixing a little bookshelf for children's books. Found a stockpile of unsorted socks and know where another stockpile is so think I will thin out the pile. Everyone will be sock rich soon.
Lunch is simple today.....smoke sausage sandwiches. Homeschooling lesson here and there. Its easy for me to get worked up....I feel already like I might have trouble relaxing.
 
Memorial Mass today and I went up with the candle when they called Momma's name. Saw a widow who is very close to my age and it made me think to the future. DH only has 35% use of his heart, so in all likelyhood, I will be here and he won't, one day. But will I be looked at with dishonor? Its early still....Hurts.
 
Survived another weekend of work. Woke up because I could hear my youngest crying. I called her to my room and she told me her jaw was broken, so got her to come in the bed with me. Then the 10 year old came also and both girls put their heads on my shoulders and I told them,"This is what it feels like to be happy, happy, happy." and they both giggled. Guess the broken jaw was instantly cured.
Went downstairs and lit a fire in the trash pile and naturally the kids love that, so I had mine and the neighbors. DS came down and started sweeping under the house and offered each kid a dollar if they swept, so they each grabbed a broom. I put a few blocks together and got DS to find a board to make a stand for our firelogs, which we had both chopped and had scattered about the front of the house. I brought the wagon near the logs and 5 kids began filling it with chopped logs and then stacked it up on the stand. Didn't realize we had chopped so much, until I saw it racked like that. Suddenly felt rich. I won't freeze this winter. Well, we had oak anyway, but thats just for the very cold nights, but we will burn maple when its just chilly.
I got the camp grill over the fire and opened 2 packs of hotdogs, got a loaf and some mustard and large tongs and put the older kids in charge, while DS and I went milk the goat....who was really aggrevated with us toward the end. So went to the house, picked up the milk and washed all the milking equipment, then went outside for my hotdog and discovered that the kids had taken them off the grill and put them right where the dogs could reach and have a feast. But the kids had each eaten, so thats good. DS, DD 17 and I ate from the kitchen.....oh well. Hopefully a lesson was learned and the kids will know how to outsmart a dog in the future.
Determined to do some good SS chores in the days to come.....if for nothing else than to prove to myself that I can make it with my current setbacks. I have some good little and not so little helpers. Must slaughter if possible tomorrow. Want to do pekings next, so I can have their pen for turnips. Its not too late for me to plant because I have about 365 growing days/year. I do have turnips already planted, but more would be nice.
And I don't care what DH calls the muscovies......'no good turkey ducks' (in French, of course). I love them. One of them are nesting in a safe location. Thats the first time I ever have experienced a water fowl bird, nesting in a safe location. And I caught a drake for slaughter and had him in a stall alone. Well a female figured a way to fly in from the top and has been with him and is using a nesting box, like as if she is a hen. Love it, love it, love it. I will be killing my extras, because I need to decrease expenses though. I admit they are ugly, but I rather like the taste.
Well, I have to finish my closet now, and I still have not found my missing king size sheets, so maybe a new set is in order. I don't know for sure, but I think at this very moment my bloodpressure is probably just about within normal limits.
 
Good for you! Taking charge of things sure does have a way of giving you a feeling of empowerment. That's good stuff there! Glad you had great snuggle time with your kiddos too.
 
Well yesterday I spoke with DH for the first time in about 3 weeks. He wants my help to get a huge brick house, with 5 bedrooms. He says it is separated into 3 separate apartments at present and has a good roof and seems to be in good condition. He says it is going for 170,000, but thinks we can get it for 150,000. I don't know. Thats a 20,000 decrease. Not sure if anyone would accept that much less. Anyway, he feels he can live in the middle apartment and rent out the other 2 and that just the rent on one would pay the note, so it would be a free house, if we can get it. Also, he says if he gets sicker, and can't go to the bridge, he'd still have an income, etc... Well, he might be 100% correct, but it still made me nervous. I suppose I will work with him on this, but it did break my heart. I was hoping that a small part of him missed me and would have wanted to do whatever necessary to make our relationship work. We had a few friendly texts.....basically he says we will get along better if we don't live together and he is tired of hurting me and the kids.
Well, today we went to the university to hear our oldest's defense for her Master's thesis. She argued that the stomach contents of fish caught on natural reefs were pretty much identical to that of fish caught on artificial reefs, plus argued that we need more artificial reefs to stop coastal erosion, to save what lands we have left. She sounded very brainy and after a while, looked confident in her talk. She had asked for us to bring a box of satsumas so that everyone who attended could eat a fruit, so I had to run to the orchard almost at nightfall yesterday. She did very well, and then had to go to her 'inquisition' before the professors and came back, telling us she had her master's degree. We went eat seafood....what else do you do after hearing about stomach contents of fish? DH paid....YeeHaa!!
Well, my great saddness is upon me again, but I'm tolerating it better. More concentrating on making things as nice as possible for when I see my little angels again. About to put on a uniform and go to work. Maybe just one more cup of Community Coffee.
Daddy apparently got his license to drive back today and went to Wal-Mart a while ago. Hope he got back home. I'm glad for him, but it worries me. I did see him back up in my driveway yesterday and he did good. Stopped a safe distance from the Surburban. He wants me and my sibs to sign over Momma's car to him.
Well, I've been picking Satsumas again and bringing them to the same boat company as I did last year, but they only want 80Lbs every Wednesday, so far, which last year I was bringing 80Lbs 3X's a week, so I called 2 other local boat companies, one of which is locally based, but is more of an international company, employing hundreds of men. Well the bigger of the 2 are supposed to do business with me, so I will follow up Monday. Its good to know the managers. I graduated from HS with him. Considering the size difference between that company and the one we already have, I am hoping that in 3 or 4 weeks, we can offload the whole crop. What I love about cleaning off a tree of all its fruit is how the branches start going upward, so we can reach under to clean up.....and we really need to clean up.
Ingrown toenail giving me hell. Gotta find me some orajel to put on, so I can have a decent shift. Maybe I visit the podiatrist real soon.
 
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