Coffee's Ready, Come and Sit on the Porch

[FarmerJamie]

He wouldn't and it would be fast food which we can't afford. Yesterday it was too much and now today it wasn't enough (just talked to him and his lunch is ALL GONE already and it's not even noon here yet). His lunch today was an Applesauce cup, fruit cup, pudding cup, 2 egg salad sandwiches, a bowl of leftover Alfredo noodle pasta side and baked Beans plus all his little snacks (nutty bars, banana, lil muffins, PB crackers) plus DD Iced coffee!!!!

My A1C spiked just reading that list. With a slice of bread being 15-20 carbs each, that's a huge carb load for the day without the other junk (I am including the sugary fruit cups, too - that snack list is not cheap either).

If he has a method of heating up his lunch, options could be chili (sans beans), shredded zucchini with meat sauce, sautéed squash/onions. All low carb, soft and quite filling. Chicken salad in a bowl, no bread.

We could start a separate thread on this, if folks want to. 🤔

 

[frustratedearthmother]

We could start a separate thread on this, if folks want to. 🤔

Do it, do it, do it!!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

He wouldn't and it would be fast food which we can't afford. Yesterday it was too much and now today it wasn't enough (just talked to him and his lunch is ALL GONE already and it's not even noon here yet). His lunch today was an Applesauce cup, fruit cup, pudding cup, 2 egg salad sandwiches, a bowl of leftover Alfredo noodle pasta side and baked Beans plus all his little snacks (nutty bars, banana, lil muffins, PB crackers) plus DD Iced coffee!!!!

I promise I'm not trying to bash - but I'm going to be truthful. Add up the total carbs in that lunch and it's probably more carbs than a diabetic should have in a week (or more) - much less one meal! Honestly, that's not a meal - that's a death wish.

I probably already know the answer to this question - but are the pudding cups, the fruit cups and the applesauce at least the sugar free variety? What about the bread? There are high fiber low sugar breads out there.

The money being spent on all those horrid snacks is probably more than fast food meals. HE is responsible for what goes in his mouth. HE is responsible for his health. For him to blame you for not packing enough or for packing too much is simply him trying to make everything your fault. Not acceptable.

He (and you) are being set up for a lifetime of health problems and misery. At the rate he's gong you will be a young widow.

 

[FarmerJamie]

I promise I'm not trying to bash - but I'm going to be truthful. Add up the total carbs in that lunch and it's probably more carbs than a diabetic should have in a week (or more) - much less one meal! Honestly, that's not a meal - that's a death wish.

I probably already know the answer to this question - but are the pudding cups, the fruit cups and the applesauce at least the sugar free variety? What about the bread? There are high fiber low sugar breads out there.

The money being spent on all those horrid snacks is probably more than fast food meals. HE is responsible for what goes in his mouth. HE is responsible for his health. For him to blame you for not packing enough or for packing too much is simply him trying to make everything your fault. Not acceptable.

He (and you) are being set up for a lifetime of health problems and misery. At the rate he's gong you will be a young widow.

I needed a mental health break after a work meeting, so I looked up the lunch as written.
@frustratedearthmother is spot on. My calculations come up to 360+ carbs. The ADA (keeping us sick, med $$$) recommends 45-60 per meal, so even by that measure, 6 meals worth....I strive for way less than 60 carbs per day to stay off as many meds as possible, so that is about a week as FEM stated for the hardcore diet.

I wish my dear friend Wifezilla was still with us. She was a big help

 

[flowerbug]

...
So leave the peel on when you cook the apples down. When I make homemade APPLESAUCE I only use the apples and cinnamon and NO ONE can tell the difference

i've never made it any other way.

 

[flowerbug]

I should have said JUST a half cup of melon. I would eat the whole thing

yep, good melon is divine stuff, half a medium canteloup is "enough" (which is probably closer to two or three cups).

 

[flowerbug]

Holy cow! How has everyone been? I need some coffee, its been a while.

if you had a cow that gave coffee that would be holy indeed to some people. welcome back stranger.

 

[flowerbug]

...
He (and you) are being set up for a lifetime of health problems and misery. At the rate he's gong you will be a young widow.

from what i read it was mostly carbs and for someone who is carb addicted and also a diabetic that is off the scale.

how do you get someone like that to change? it takes a lot of time and effort and the person has to want to do it (like any other addiction).

if he doesn't want to do it for his own health then it's a constant battle where you become the food gatekeeper and responsible for everything including all the bad stuff, the bad moods, etc. in other words it's a sucker's game if he's not in it himself for his own health.

i have been through this and we are in part of it again because of a relative who needs help too so we're trying not to enable (not making so many sweets/snacks).

 

[Country homesteader]

If he has a method of heating up his lunch

He puts it on the dash in his assigned truck in the window seeing how he doesn't stop to take lunch.

probably already know the answer to this question - but are the pudding cups, the fruit cups and the applesauce at least the sugar free variety? What about the bread? There are high fiber low sugar breads out there.

The money being spent on all those horrid snacks is probably more than fast food meals. HE is responsible for what goes in his mouth. HE is responsible for his health.

Nope the pudding cups, fruit cups and applesauce are not sugar free kind. He says 🤮🤢 to anything sugar free. We only use whole wheat bread.
I do try to get him to get healthy snack choices but I don't always get my way. He says it's his money and he's going to get the snacks he loves cuz he takes his meds everyday. Ummm, hello meds won't work if you don't put the effort in to have a healthier lifestyle. Every year he says "in the Spring going to get into a routine of walking every night" and have we started nope because he's tired when he gets home, just wants to eat dinner sit in front of TV and relax before bed.

At the rate he's gong you will be a young widow.

Well, I'm really not young anymore (in my 40s).

 

[tortoise]

No matter what I do or how good a job I do I don't do nothing right so maybe it's time it's time I get out but I'm not going to do that.

One of my friends is in an emotionally abusive marriage in which this is their spouse's primary weapon to control them. Their spouse has become more and more intense and aggressive about it over the years. It's heartbreaking.
Maybe keep a journal and make a note of these occurrences so you can see if they are intensifying over time or becoming more frequent. Or maybe they coincide with stressors in his life.

Either way, good boundaries solve most of the problem. Since he complains about how you pack his lunch, you can inform him that you are not going to pack his lunch anymore. And then don't. His reaction will reveal a lot. A spouse who loves and respects you will change their behaviors when they learn they're a problem (maybe after a bit of resistance). A spouse who is doing the behavior to control or manipulate will throw a huge fit.

Many of the resources for boundaries don't put enough focus on setting boundaries within a valued relationship. The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner is an excellent book that is for people (especially women) who want to navigate the entire process of boundaries within a relationship they do not want to damage or abandon. It's an excellent book! When we change, the other people in the relationship will resist. Lerner calls this a counter maneuver. It's normal. But a person who is abusive or manipulative will resist in a very specific way called DARVO. Google it. Everyone should be able to recognize DARVO and know how to respond to it.

You do many, if not most, things right. You are a valuable person who deserves respect and appreciation. Never forget your worth!