Dealing with MIL during FIL ALZ

[Mini Horses]

I agree with FEM.

I still remember the days & nights with mom here. When she went to the nursing home, you never knew what to expect -- as in, would she know you, her mood, her abilities. It changed from hour to hour, honestly. This disease is so hard on everyone.

You vent all you want! It does help you to release some of the pent up feelings -- and yes, they are every type of feeling!! It's ok. Many of us have been thru it, too. Sadly.

It's a hard & rocky road.

 

[Lazy Gardener]

Has he had a speech therapy evaluation to assess his swallowing? Often silent aspiration is the issue, and a change in diet texture (including liquids) will help to guard the airway. Of course, there may need to be other changes made in his meal times as well... Some folks need to eat in an environment that is void of distractions. Also, positioning when eating is key to preventing aspiration.

You may find that he rallies in the nursing home. It's hard to think of a loved one having to go to a nursing home, especially a lock down dementia unit, where one often sees disturbing behaviors in abundance. But... The activities provided, as well as the dependable routine, the extra attention to providing frequent finger food snacks throughout the day, instead of the standard 3 meals that we have come to consider to be normal, Speech, OT, and PT to address issues with communication, daily activities, mobility can result in improvement. Yes, Alzheimer's dz. is progressive. But, there are many things that can be done to ease the path for patient and family.

 

[Mini Horses]

@Lazy Gardener, is absolutely spot on! They have the staff to address issues that we don't at home. It was certainly necessary for both my mom & me. Time had come when the 24 hr care was absolute. They are fully trained. It is what's needed for this disease.

Mom spent almost 2 yrs in assisted living situation. She was 92 1/2 when she passed. Had been on soft food and help eatng for about 6 months. Went to bed and slipped away.

Her location had semi-private rooms, open halls with sitting areas, large TV rooms, dining rooms for eating, hair dresser (she loved her hair done...for 30 yrs!), activities, movies, church, etc. -- I addition to the physical therapy, doctors, nurses, regular foot care, showers & bathing, laundry service, etc. Sure wasn't free but, she was well cared for in all ways.

 

[wyoDreamer]

Nothing to add besides

Looks like my dad is starting to loose his memory. He has periods of short term memory loss and those episodes are becoming more frequent.

 

[CrealCritter]

Yes. You do have to leave it with God. Death can either be a sweet home coming or a terrifying event. If you or anyone else wants to have a private conversation to deal further with this matter, please do not hesitate to send a PM.

I consider the actual process of dying to be similar to that of giving birth. Some folks do so gently, with minimal pain, while others suffer greatly. I am thankful that there are plenty of medications that can ease the physical suffering during a lingering death.

That's the physical part.

But, there is also the spiritual part, and NO ONE need be afraid of what lies on the other side of death if they have decided what to do with Jesus.

My FIL has accepted Jesus as Lord and Christ.

 

[Mini Horses]

And when the Angel is sent for him, he will know and leave willingly. Let Peace be with you when this happens. When you see him again he will be whole and without pain.

In my heart, I know my mother was better off and happier leaving this earth for Heaven. She deserved no less.

This disease is more cruel than maybe any I have known because the person you know & love is no longer with us, far before their passing. No, you cannot do anything. It is heartbreaking, frustrating, unfair and absolute devastation.

I can so feel your pain. Many of us have & understand the hurt, deep in your soul. Life is not always fair. Heaven is. Give your wife some extra hugs, it is her father...she is also feeling this heavily. It is a huge loss, hard to watch. You almost say "God, make it soon. End the suffering". My prayers are with your family.

 

[baymule]

My paternal grandfather told me several times that refused to be sick. He said he would die in his sleep or all at once. He was shaving one morning and dropped dead. He was 76. Life and death would be so much better if we all could do the same.

I pray for the best for your FIL.

 

[baymule]

I know what your thinking... Yes I have a son who is an attorney, but this is the first lawsuit that involves the family. We are not sue happy... Far from it, that's why it's truly sad that it has come down to this my son is pretty pissed, I pity the nursing home. Because he can be a real a hole when he has to be and this is personal.

I agree with your son.

 

[Lazy Gardener]

Praying for you and all of your family as you pass through this hard time. May your FIL feel loved, and be comforted during his final hours. May the staff treat him with compassion. And finally, for all of you as you watch, wait, pray, and comfort one an other, may you feel the peace offered by Jesus in an unmistakable and palpable way.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I am so glad his suffering has ended and hope your family can find peace knowing that he has no more pain or confusion. And, as you said - his soul is free.