LovinLife- Happy New Year's all!

[snapshot]

Snapshot, I'm no where near self sufficient and have been journaling for a year or more now. We are discussing our EFFORTS for the most part, no one here on this forum is fully self sufficient and many journalers are in apartments and such, Abifae comes to mind immediately. And several other people don't have land or property except a back porch or whatever.

It's nice to keep up with people who are on their way to and learning to be more SS. I like to read when somebody is learning to make soap, cull chickens, etc. it helps me learn to. We also do a lot of venting on here, which is good for the soul!

Yep yep! Efforts aplenty

I really love reading journals. I have my "go to" people for all KINDS of questions too lol.

Just jump in

Abi! I've done jumped!!!!!! answered questions yesterday! Thanks to all for the encouragement!

 

[Denim Deb]

Plain and simple, don't yell. Sit him down and tell him there are new rules. He will be given 1 warning and told what his punishment will be for not listening. Then, if he doesn't listen, follow thru. Right now, you've "trained" him NOT to do anything until you yell, so that's what he's waiting for. If he slams the door, make him come back, and close it properly. If he complains about some place that you've gone not having such and such, tell him fine, next time we go out, you can stay w/a sitter. And then, do it.

You make it sound so easy...what kind of punishment? Spanking, please say spanking....j/k. I would never spank. He's 6 and has the 2 yr sis that will sit there and mess with him if I try to put him in time out. I think he's too old for time-outs now. Any punishment ideas? If I say I'm going to take a toy he really doesn't care because the way he sees it, if I have the toy then his sis can't play with it and that's good with him. The other thing he loves to do is read but I can't take his books away. He's not a big TV watcher or "gamer". And I can't say that he's not allowed outside because none of us are allowed outside right now because of the killer skeeters.

It only sounds easy-it's not. As for time out, he's not too old. But, his sister needs to understand that if he's in time out, she cannot mess w/him.

As for punishment, you need to find out what works for you. It CAN be very challenging. My son was one like that. Didn't bother him if you spanked him. Didn't bother him if you took his toys. It may take awhile, but you'll find what works for him.

 

[FarmerChick]

ah, you got the boy.

I have a 6 yr old daughter. she is testing me also...with a smart comeback when I say something. but I just threaten and it is enough to keep her in line. I think she had 3 timeouts in her life and didn't like them so it worked for me lol

Don't yell. Save the 'real yell' for when you truly need it. I hardly ever yell but the few times I did my daughter turned white and obeyed like the dickens. Keep the real yell for backup later and use it sparingly.

I don't have experience with kids that push the limits. My kiddo doesn't (she tries but I can rein her in) so it is way easier for me.


good luck and I am sure it is a phase of definance right now cause my 6 yr old is pushing a bit also. I get the toy thrown to the ground, she stomps her feet a bit, gives me the 'uh duh' look and few other things but not too bad.

Don't give him power either. If you overreact to his tantrum then he gains the power....so try to chill a bit. Hard yea, lol, but if you chill he might chill a bit also? best you can hope for

 

[Wannabefree]

Sounds like he may be doing it for attention. Jealousy over the new kid. Maybe set aside a time just for him to do something special? I know...MORE time with a tyrant is difficult How do I know? My tyrant is 14. She is SO hard to WANT to spend time with, but ya have to. It helps. If he is being stingy with toys, allow him a few that she can't touch. DD was crazy when nieces would come "drool on her stuff" when she was 7, so we put a few things away that they didn't have access to, and she let them "slobber" on her other things she didn't care so much about. You have to remember, HE was the center of attention for 4 years, and now he is away at school and sister is gettin all the lovin. I'd be peeved too Remind him where he "fits" in the family and I bet he will be fine Kids..ya almost have to be dang psychiatrist to raise them sometimes.

For discipline, if you refuse to spank, put him in the corner is the best deterrent. Age appropriate time frame, take them OUT of the middle of what is going on, and give them a breather. He's 6, go 6 minutes. It worked for DD.

 

[Windyhillfarms]

My mother once told me the best way to handle kids is "they only have to THINK you're going to kill them".

Now, with my daughter, she gave me lip about that age and informed me that the police would get mad if I smacked her :/ After leaving to go outside and giggle at the very serious nature with which she presented that information, I came back in and it went something like this ... oh daughter of mine, here's the deal. You do this, you sit here in your room (had a special chair). Okay fine, so she started for about a week to be good. THEN came the slamming the door thing when I told her to go to her room. Now, nothing annoys me more than a slamming door. Sooooo, me being the tool inept person that I am, used a butter knife, a steak knife, a stapler and I believe the lid of a pot and took her door off. It stayed off for a month. She has never slammed a door again.

She then decided that loading a dishwasher was akin to pouring acid on her hands, so it was always a fight to get her to do it. Sooo, I got a dish pan thing (you know the one where you load the dishes in to soak) and loaded the dirty dishes she "forgot" to do and put them in the middle of her bed. She promptly put them on the floor when she went to sleep, but they "magically" appeared next to her head when she woke up in the morning. This went on for about three days I guess and she finally broke down and did the dishes kinda sorta regularly. If she didn't, they ended back up on her bed.

When she didn't want to put her clothes anywhere but all over her floor, if I had to pick them up, they got washed and then went into my closet. When she was down to one pair of jeans and two tshirts the problem was solved because there weren't enough clothes to cover her floor any more!

One of the best things I came up with when she got to be a teenager was when we were in an argument, I would go into the bathroom and start arguing with myself in the mirror. When she looked at me like I had FINALLY lost it and asked what I was doing ... I simply stated "I'm getting just as far arguing this way as I am arguing with you so please just leave me to my argument". Shockingly, she shut up and went and did whatever it was I asked her to do in the first place ( I can't remember what it was). I think she was scared I had finally just gone off the deep end.

Be creative. Do things that they don't expect and if nothing else, it shuts them up long enough to give them pause, even if it is only because they're so shocked they can't think of anything to say.

 

[Farmfresh]

Two tips ...

1) Let there ALWAYS be natural and logical consequences for actions. (examples) If your room is a mess and you can't find your shoes when we are ready to go you either go shoe-less or miss out. If you are bossy and mean no one will want to play with you or talk to you. If you have a tantrum and make a mess YOU are the one who has to do all of the cleanup. Let nature do the teaching.

2) Less talking (no shouting) and more ACTION. (examples) I called you to come inside and you did not come (I might give you two calls, but usually just one), so I walk out take you by the hand and lead you inside to the safe spot or a chore. You are being bossy and fighting. I quietly walk over take you by the hand and move you to another room or the safe spot. You left the book on the floor and I asked you to pick it up once already ... you are just ignoring my request ... I get up and take you by the hand and help you pick up the book and put it where it belongs.

BELIEVE ME this stuff gets OLD FAST for a kid. It won't take long at all and they begin to realize that when you SAY something it means move NOW or you will be there to help them move along. No more yelling necessary and very soon no more action on your part either.

 

[LovinLife]

I quietly walk over take you by the hand and move you to another room or the safe spot.

Safe spot? Is that a padded room where he can go crazy and get rid of some craziness?.....huummmm padded room now your talking.

 

[LovinLife]

My mother once told me the best way to handle kids is "they only have to THINK you're going to kill them".

When I just scanned through your post and didn't start really reading it I saw "knives, staples, and acid on hands" I thought WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON! LOL. I'm glad I took the time to read it and I'm more glad the knives where for the door! That's a good idea about taking the door off. That would drive DS crazy because then his room would be vunerable to his sister!

 

[LovinLife]

Sounds like he may be doing it for attention. Jealousy over the new kid.

Yeah I'm pretty sure it makes him crazy to "share" me. When he was a baby I was a single mom and he got ALL my attention. When he was 2 is when I met my husband and had DD when he was 4. He's been having to adjust to his "new" family. Also when he goes to his dad's house he's the only child again. I know this is hard for him to change from one house to the other. Although its only for a couple days every other week, but this is easy considering what some of us had to deal with as kids! His dad and I try to have the same set of rules for each house and handle his behavior the same way. However his dad has the advantage because DS is afraid of his dad. If he's done something real bad (hurt his sister or be ugly torwards me) I call his dad to talk to him....and he will be very upset after that. I guess it's the BIG factor.

 

[miss_thenorth]

I had that boy, and he is now 15years old and wonderful--respectful, caring sensitive, hardworking, and still occasionally mean to his sister.

I have a book recommendation that saved my life. How to Talk so Kids will listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960

Get it read it, and DO it. It will be a change in the way you do things, but it does work. The preschool that we attended offered the course and it was AMAZING!!!!!! Run, don't walk and get that book I swear it will make your life peaceful.