so, i met a guy...... <3

[ohiogoatgirl]

i sent you a message of the town he's in.
he said his yard looks all redneck cause his family wont keep it clean and he gets tired of cleaning up after them all.
which i get because my yard is the same

 

[Holachicka]

Have you spoken to your mom yet? I know sometimes that can be intimidating. When you do talk to her, it will probably help to calm her nerves if you list all of the red flags that you are keeping in mind, and why you feel that they are not really an issue. That way she'll know that you don't have your head in the clouds. You don't have to paint him in a bad light, just talk about what could go wrong here, and how you are going to protect yourself from those possibilities. I know it would make me feel better if I knew you had a well thought out plan here.

You mentioned his family, I'm guessing he's living at home with his folks? Because of the depression and health issues?

 

[patandchickens]

Have you spoken to your mom yet? <snip>it will probably help to calm her nerves if you list all of the red flags that you are keeping in mind, and why you feel that they are not really an issue.

Or perhaps, better, why you are aware they COULD be an issue and are therefore being cautious about them

Pat

 

[dragonlaurel]

There's one thing that nobody has mentioned yet, so I'm gonna put it out there. Long distance relationships can be exciting and romantic, but at the end of the day- you're still alone. Your heart can get caught up in everything, and you feel involved, but he's not there with you. That can make some lonely nights. Long distance romances can be an emotional roller coaster. Kinda like that. It can make you crazy sometimes.

I've tried it long distance relationships a couple times with mixed results.
One was somebody I met online and ended up talking to on phone regularly. It was romantic, he was very sweet, then he disappeared so completely Houdini would have been impressed. All I can figure is he met somebody closer and felt like it was easier to just drop contact than to say so. He'd been calling for months and didn't even say goodbye. From what I hear, that is kinda normal. I guess guys don't feel obligated to explain anything when you aren't around. Not even being told it was over was rude, and this was somebody that acted like he was in love.

I also found my first husband again, online- after being apart for 15 years. We had a long distance romance for 6 months then he took a trip to my area, we got married and I moved out of state to be with him. He tried to be extremely open about himself, the good and the bad. I still missed seeing some things, cause I was remembering the way he used to be. But 15 years had changed him. He's a good man, and we've been remarried 2 and a half years now. But I still have moments of " Who is this guy? This is not what I expected! " He was trying to be honest at least.

It's also easy to see the best part of the person and not know the whole picture. Even if they are not trying to be deceptive, people still want to impress each other. So there's lots of little stuff that might drive you crazy about each other, that might surprise you both.
Try to stay objective about this guy that you are getting to know. It's easy to fall for the person you think he is. Just remember that you are young and will still be figuring out what you want your life to be like for quite a while. There's plenty of time for settling down with somebody after you get to know You.

By the way-
Hearing that he has a tendency to depression set off warning bells for me too. Guys tend to not admit to depression unless it is a big deal, so I hope he gets help with it. Romance makes it easy to ignore problems, but sooner or later- you gotta fix whatever is causing it.

 

[ohiogoatgirl]

ya, he's living with his parents. he said he doesnt wanna pay rent on a place when he could be making payments on it. why pay rent and rent and rent when you could put that money toward a place of your own. and i agree with it completely.
i couldnt wait until thursday to talk to her so i called her last night and talked to her. we are gonna talk more on thursday and i'm gonna call him so she can talk to him. i think that will help alot.
he's actually quite excited to talk to her... which really suprized me. he is very "old school" i dont know how to explain... like he talks about holding my hand instead of being all phone-make-out like people around here are. its quite refreshing to see a guy of any age that has some manners.
yes, i know all about his health problems and i understand what you mean about that. he's on some medicines and i've talked to him during times when he's been all sad and times when he's been grumpy. and i've been sad and grumpy on the phone before too.

 

[Holachicka]

Have you spoken to your mom yet? <snip>it will probably help to calm her nerves if you list all of the red flags that you are keeping in mind, and why you feel that they are not really an issue.

Or perhaps, better, why you are aware they COULD be an issue and are therefore being cautious about them

Pat

Yes! That is what I ment, words just didn't come out right!

 

[patandchickens]

ya, he's living with his parents. he said he doesnt wanna pay rent on a place when he could be making payments on it.<snip> he is very "old school" i dont know how to explain<snip< i've talked to him during times when he's been all sad and times when he's been grumpy

Man, he sounds exactly like my husband (except you two are younger than we were)... <worried expression>.

But <shrug> maybe this is different.

Pat

 

[FarmerChick]

the more I read about his situation the more I say run for the hills on this guy. 29 at home, on meds, etc. you got red flags flapping all around you big time.

so yea, I know you said you are being careful, well, girl you best!

 

[aggieterpkatie]

What a small world!!! So he lives in a neighboring county, and we have 1 mutual friend on Facebook!

 

[Bubblingbrooks]

What a small world!!! So he lives in a neighboring county, and we have 1 mutual friend on Facebook!

Oh!! Start digging!