Stuck between a rock & hard place....new questions???

[old fashioned]

Both of our boys ages 11 (grade 6, MS) and 9 (grade 4, ES) have been failing school for several years.
I've had countless meetings with teachers, principals, school psychologists, school counselers, pediatritians, mental/behavioral counseler, etc and everyone agrees they both are very bright, intelligent and do have the ability to do the required work could even be straight A's, IF they'd try. Problem is...they DON'T try.

I know the educational system sucks, I feel the current school district for things I'll leave unmentioned, we can't afford private school & I'm not 100% convinced the kids would do much better, and DH & I aren't too keen about homeschooling for different reasons.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!

Sorry but I'm VERY frustrated, my mind is in a whirl and I need some kind of feedback.

 

[FarmerChick]

I would be on their azzes 24/7

they are smart/bright and can do the work, but won't

I would be all about studying 24/7 until the figured out that if they would pony up some energy and do a bit of work to pass, they would have an easier life than what I would make them do.

I would be on them like white on rice! that is just pure lazy and I would make it my absolute goal in life to make sure they pass a test etc.

so time for extreme parenting big time.

sit them down, explain why you are going to ride their butts about school and set a schedule for you and dad to study and learn etc.
explain if they will show you they will do the work on their own and be responsible to pass school, then you will lighten up.

me, it would take an earthquake to get me off their butts LOL

good luck, you sound frazzled but time to kick in and go for the throats on this one and it will take alot of dedication from you and hubby to be on board and go in for the kill.

you don't need expensive private schools, you need one on one time constantly regarding their school homework, learning etc.
and be on them constantly and make it your goal to change their lazy into productive.

 

[Wifezilla]

Have the children been evaluated for ADD?

I know it is over diagnosed, but I was one of those bright kids who never did their work. I was bored out of my skull and had the attention span of a gnat on crack.

I was undiagnosed ADD. People just assumed I was lazy and had NO IDEA my brain was misfiring.

 

[abifae]

Have you asked them why they don't try? They might be able to explain the problem

 

[old fashioned]

FC-we have and it only worked temporarily and the more we pushed them, the worse it got

WZ-pediatrician says 9yo is MAYBE mild/borderline ADD and 11yo is (I can't remember the official name but has to do with authority issues?)

 

[old fashioned]

Have you asked them why they don't try? They might be able to explain the problem

yes, and the answers......school sucks, the teacher is mean/crazy/stupid, I don't feel good, another kid or kids beat me up (or whatever), I dunno......the list goes on!

btw congrats Abi on your new title!

 

[abifae]

yes, and the answers......school sucks, the teacher is mean/crazy/stupid, I don't feel good, another kid or kids beat me up (or whatever), I dunno......the list goes on!

the 11 year old is being 11. *laughs*

Are they actually failing? Have you looked into learning disorders. Doesn't have to be anything like ADD or need medication or anything else. It could be something like dyslexia or difficulties recognizing numbers.... There's a lot of things it could be. Most schools have set ups to do testing and get them help to learn.

The not wanting to apply themselves could be because it's frustrating to try and get no where.

Or they could just really hate school lol.

I thought my teachers were mean and stupid. Actually I had autism and learning disorders. Undiagnosed, still.

eta: and thanks I lubs my new title!

 

[savingdogs]

My two older children did very well in school although they were not straight A students, but my youngest son is very much as you describe. And it started in kindergarden and he is just now entering high school. We have tried everything including home schooling, taking away every privilege known to childhood and riding his a$$ as already suggested. So far nothing has worked. We did find that taking away his favorite things motivates him to do as we ask. He will not set a goal for himself, we must set them for him and repeat our rules frequently. We would have thought we were failures as parents had we not had the first two children, I think I would go crazy if I had two like this. But he is just the same, he just won't try.

We did pull him out of school and tried an online public school. He failed all the courses and they kicked him out. However, he did find that he did not like being home schooled (less opportunity for trouble and mischief) and really does not want anything resembling homeschooling for his high school years. So I use it as a threat, when he has a bad report or whatever I suggest that next year we could go back to homeschooling with a different format. We did not find that homeschooling was good for a child who is so hard to motivate however. He ends up doing more in "regular" school because peer pressure motivates him better than anything we say. But it comes with the issue of his interactions with the other kids, which are not always positive, so we really are struggling with this one. His almost 15 and I have a feeling we will still be "working" on this one until he is 30 or so.

 

[discoversimplicity]

I feel for both of you. Raising kids is the toughest job there is
They do eventually grow up!

 

[old fashioned]

Abi..yes straight F's, we've tried those things too. As much as I dislike their schools I have to admit they've done what they can do too.
I agree about the kids frustration & not wanting to apply themselves....'why bother' attitude and yeah I think they just really hate school.

SD...we like you have tried everything to no avail. It's frustrating and really sucks.

DS...yes they eventually grow up, BUT DO THE PARENTS SURVIVE THE ORDEAL????