What if DH/DW Couldn't?

[tortoise]

I'm living this thread right now. As mentioned previously, I already do most of the physical work. Now I have the extra time-sucking job of the physical care of DH for as long as his problems continue. Definitely not whining about that! I'm so thankful that he's still here for me to care for. His weakness won't last forever and I see small gains in his strength daily. However, the time that I'm spending on his care is subtracting from my ability to do all the other chores that need to be done on a daily basis. We start at 6am with one of his meds that has to be taken several hours apart from other meds and certain foods. After that I can fix him a carefully selected breakfast followed by more meds. Fast forward to lunch, more pills dinner, more pills. Throw in some bathroom trips, umpteen water refills a day, and the occasional 'oops I dropped the remote can you pick it up for me' accidents.

It's funny because the enormity of the tiny things is mind blowing! Thankfully, he's able to get up and down out of his recliner on his own now. That's a huge relief.

My respect for caretakers has grown immensely!

I hadnt even considered caregiving when I posted. I'm a little speechless thinking about it. I might be able to maintain this farm alone, but not with caregiving added on! 😲

 

[Mini Horses]

I have similar situation, as I'm the only here. I've had to accept not everything is perfect, or getting done. No guilt. Do best you can, prioritize most must dos...go from there. Don't beat yourself up. Relax, you're doing more than you believe you are.

 

[tortoise]

A year later. Wow. I sold the Lindale farm, closed in 63 days. I worked on sons rent house that wasn’t fit to rent. I moved all my farm stuff that I could by myself. And believe me, that was a lot of trailer loads. LOL Neighbors helped me make a load of stuff. The buyers packed up household items in their cargo trailer and moved a load. Friends packed up another load in the cargo trailer and we moved it. Had to build pens for sheep and dogs, build fence. Finally moved sheep and dogs. Exhausted, I got Covid again.

Found a 25 acre farm with a 22 year old Doublewide in near perfect shape in April, finally closed July 15. I redid interior. Sellers helped me put up 2 long stretches of fence, they graze their cows on the front and back field, sheep have middle field. Moved in August 27, moved sheep and dogs next day. I still have lots of stuff at sons house. While I was there, I hired workmen and got it all fixed up.

Went to Tennessee with @Ridgetop and her DH to visit another BYH member and buy their ram. 1500 mile round trip. Had a blast! We rested a day, went to Austin area for them to introduce me to one of the best Anatolian breeders in the country and gave me their stamp of approval. He has 2 females out to be bred.

I’ve had a lot of loss. One month to the day after losing the love of my life, I had to put down Paris, 13 year old Great Pyrenees, who didn’t understand why her Daddy didn’t come home. My best and favorite ewe, Miranda, slipped and shattered her leg, had to put her down. I lost 5 lambs to various causes. When I had Covid for the second time, a registered ewe prolapsed, couldn’t get a vet out, too weak and sick to help her. Had a friend shoot her. My big baby, sweet Great Pyrenees, Trip, had cancer and was put down in July. It broke my heart that he never got to see the new farm.

I’ve really had it with loss, heartbreak, grief and death. I’m strong, maybe I’m taking a hit for someone who can’t handle it. So be it.

Had knee replacement surgery 2 weeks ago tomorrow. @Ridgetop and her DH picked me up at hospital, she stayed 3 nights with me. Lifesaver! Son came in off a job, was here 3 nights, gone again on another job. Have a friend hired to come twice a day to take care of dogs and sheep. I’m blessed. I fed dogs and sheep this evening but wasn’t up to dragging the water hose. I’ll get there. I’m taking Physical Therapy twice a week. It hurts.

Farm is beautiful. I got a lot of work to do, probably never get finished but that’s ok. I’m happy here. I’m home. I’m going to increase my flock to 30 ewes. Lots of fencing to get done. Can’t do it all by myself, I’ll figure it out. I want horses again. I’ve lived in pain for so long, I hope I can ride and not be in pain and agony.

BJ would have loved the farm. We were already thinking about moving here to Trinity county. Well, here I am. Tomorrow is a new day.

You're incredible. Your next year will be amazing 🤩

 

[FarmerJamie]

do you have a local organization for the elderly that can help out? we have one for our county and they can do some things for helping people out, bringing meals, having caretakers come in so the people can take a break, etc.

It's not to that level of need. The wife is able to self care and light driving and shopping.

I work a full-time job. In my previous situation, I spent entire weekends working around the house and weekends being the chauffeur to kid events.
Missed a lot of fun activity stuff with the kids (rectifying that now).

I find myself reacting to the fear I am getting drawn into the "no time for me" world. Even when I do just sit down and read, I feel guilty I could have been working on something.

The canning adventure was fun and I am glad I did it, but nothing else got done in the duration

 

[murphysranch]

I can hardly believe this thread came up. Thank you FJ for bringing it back, even tho I didn't know about it.

I'm still sick. Haven't been sick since 2019 late fall. A sore throat and now a runny nose. Second week.

My thoughts these last two days, since hubs is off in another city in CA trying to earn some money doing painting, is that when he goes (before me) I cannot live here. I'm not Bay, even tho we are the same age. I'm just not knowledge enough for farm life, even tho I wanted to be a cowgirl from my 6th birthday party on. Gardening and chickens is the most I can do.

Hubs was diag with very very early signs of dementia. He's on two meds right now, not for dementia, but for mood. Its made a huge world of difference. I've been trying to be more positive with him and find that it has repaired alot of our previously broken marriage.

 

[CLSranch]

Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Make decisions that are right for you. If you give thought to that now, it may be easier in the future. If chickens and a garden are what you want, then make that decision and make it happen. In the meantime, live each day to the fullest.

You are just a blessing to every page that you join in.

 

[FarmerJamie]

Wow, almost a year since anyone updated this thread. Today is hard. Stuff I wanted to get done before the fair trip didn't get done. Stuff trying to get done weekly is way behind. "We can do it over the weekend". Wife is still crashed in bed this afternoon, just spent a futile hour in the kitchen, laundry is staring at me, leftover onions need dehydrating, the frustration is boiling inside me. Feels like work, take one day off, take two days to catch up.

@tortoise how do you do it all?

Thanks for the venue to rant.

 

[baymule]

Was thinking of this thread today. Third day in a row the wife has been down for the count.
Trying to mentally accept the challenges.
It will be okay

You can do it. Believe me, you can do it and come the end of the day, be happy with yourself for what you have achieved. Fix something for you and your wife to eat or go get take out. While out, buy a flower bouquet. Put in a vase or jar, anything. Attach a note telling her how much you love her and if she’s down, take supper to her and y’all enjoy it together. Give her the flowers and note. It will mean the world to her and you too. Life’s precious moments sometimes need a little help to make them happen.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

DH made the mistake of asking me if there was anything he could do to help with dinner, lol. He's in the kitchen and I'm on the couch!

It's not that bad for him. I got the broccoli steaming and have the cod in the oven. I have him crushing some ritz crackers for a topping for the fish.

He CAN do this - he just doesn't think he can!

 

[Medicine Woman]

When DH and I first got together we each had farms we tended to separately. Either of us were able to do it all with no assistance from the other if necessary. He has done both of our chores when I had pneumonia and I have done it when he had an illness but since Ida and both of us having a couple of surgeries and serious diagnosis we have downsized although I have plans of returning home and increasing my previous farming activities. It’s hard to say which of us will go first but I think I can handle everything if my barn is at least fixed back up to it precious glory and my new set up is done up to the point where things can be done conveniently. No more rabbits in cages. I want colony rabbits.