What is wrong with kids today - or What comes after TWO?

[Javamama]

I am happy to say that I have enough respect for others than to allow my kid to screech in a restaurant. That said, we don't go out much anyway.
My kids are pretty well behaved, they know where the line is and rarely cross it. My kids do not rule my roost.
I'm with Justus- I probably would have shouted "three!"

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Farmerchick, Ernie and I had received a compliment on how well behaved our kids were in public. I can't remember where we were, might have been a Dr.'s appt..but anyway, this elderly lady commented that she couldn't believe how still our kids were sitting, reading books. She then talked about how she hates going in public and parents have their kids running rampant. She said it was a nice change to see kids behaving.

Little did she know my kids had been threatened within an inch of their life if they stepped one toe out of line.

I'll admit to being brave. My oldest 4 kids have all been to the movies...the youngest of the oldest 4 is only 4 now, and the last time we took them all to the movies was 2 years ago. Not one kid made a peep through the whole movie, as they know if they did, we'll never take them to another movie as long as they live in our house.

 

[FarmerChick]

Farmerchick, Ernie and I had received a compliment on how well behaved our kids were in public. I can't remember where we were, might have been a Dr.'s appt..but anyway, this elderly lady commented that she couldn't believe how still our kids were sitting, reading books. She then talked about how she hates going in public and parents have their kids running rampant. She said it was a nice change to see kids behaving.

Little did she know my kids had been threatened within an inch of their life if they stepped one toe out of line.

I'll admit to being brave. My oldest 4 kids have all been to the movies...the youngest of the oldest 4 is only 4 now, and the last time we took them all to the movies was 2 years ago. Not one kid made a peep through the whole movie, as they know if they did, we'll never take them to another movie as long as they live in our house.

that's it Quail
have the "big talk" before going out in public....LOL--I hear you.
and it is nice to know that people appreciate the quiet when we bring kids!!!

Nicole is great out...she is too interested in dinner to scream..HA HA

 

[Beekissed]

My folks used to get compliments on us kids all the time also when we were out in public. Our once a year restuarant visit at which we were all (nine children) as quiet as mice.....little did they know we had the fear of God put in us if we ever acted up in public! Just like FarmerChick!

Dad was very much into how we acted and how it may reflect on him, so we were all neat as a pin and extremely well-behaved...sort of like Stepford children.

I can't say my kids were that tuned up but they never took fits, argued or screamed for any reason in public. And I suffered no back talk. My oldest son would get by this by trying to convince me, in very reasonable tones and with very well thought out reasons, why he really needed this or that thing in the store! It was oh, so cute and oh, so annoying! Still never worked.....

 

[Lovechooks]

Well to be realistic, my kids have all had tantrums in a supermarket - it's part of being 3 years old .

There not perfect, I'm ok with that though . I don't like to put the fear of anything into them as their kids, they shouldn't need to feel scared of their parents!

But on the whole they are pretty well behaved have good manners and are kind to others. I am happy with that.

 

[FarmerDenise]

My stepson is the result of lenient parenting. And I am not allowed to step in. Every time I would try to put real consequences to the boy for his bad or good behavior, I was stopped. I agree that a child needs consistency and reasonable consequences for their actions. A 2 year old throwing a tatrun in a store is to be expected. The parent can make it worse, or take the child out of the store.
Or as I saw one woman do in a crowded mall, step away from the child (within sight) and let the tantrum run it's course. In this case mom, older son (maybe 8) and little daughter (2-3) were in the toy store I was in. Daughter wanted something, mom said: no, daughter starts to carry on. Mom walks out of the store with son and whining daughter. A little while later I run into mom again. There is a little girl on the ground, beating it and kicking it and screaming like a banshee. Mom and son are sitting on a bench nearby watching. I go sit next to mom and she starts to explain. I tell her don't explain. I think you are doing the right thing. I saw you in the toy store. And I sat with the mom until the little girl stopped, she picked up her child and left the mall.
My SO tell his son to do certain things and when the kid doesn't do it, SO gets mad and usually yells at me. But there are no consequences for the kid. Drives me nuts.
For a while I was driving the kid to school. I told him I would, if he did certain chores. So I got up in the morning and the chore wasn't done. I say, well how are you getting to school today? You didn't do the chore, so I am not taking you. SO gets mad at me and takes his son to school. The school is walking distance and the kid is not lame. So I tell stepson, chore must be done by 8 pm sharp the night before, or I will not take him to school. Well a similar scenario occurred as before. So I just stopped taking him to school. I explained to SO, that I did not want to be in the middle of this. If he wasn't going to stick with the consequences, then I wasn't going to play the game. And he can take his own kid to school himself.
This is just one small example of what goes on with stepson. So I have taken myself out of the picture, because it just kills me that the kid (now 17) gets away with whatever he wants to do or not do. The same day he yelled at Stepson for stealing money out of my drawer, he turns around and gives him a $20.00 to spend.
I have DD, and I know about raising kids. I also went to college to be a teacher and took child development courses. I read tons of books and magazines on child rearing.
As a parent you have an obligation to train your child toward becoming a productive civilized adult. Not counting past 2 and repeating yourself doesn't work. Spanking is rarely neccessary. Fear should not be neccessary either. Kids want to please their parents. Parents need to make it clear what is expected and then follow through with it. Don't do your chore, you don't get to go play.
Can't decide what to wear? Here, I'll give you a choice between these two.
My DS and BIL used to drive me nuts giving their little toddlers too many choices and having long discussions as to why something could not be or was to be. DN didn't want to sit in the back seat in my car and wouldn't buckle up. I told him he had two choices: he could buckle himself up or I would do it for him, because I didn't have all day to wait for him. I ended up buckling him up and we went on our merry way. My DS and BIL were dumbfounded. I said: my car, my rules. Same went for My house, My rules, because I couldn't stand the attempt at reasoning with little children. No, you cannot light the candle, no you cannot play out front by yourself, yes you are going to the store, because you cannot stay in the house by yourself. You have a choice: you can do it yourself, or I'll do it for you. That line worked for me most of the time. DS's kids liked it at my house usually, they knew what to expect. I also made sure there was plenty of fun stuff.

 

[big brown horse]

Right on SISTER!!!!

 

[nightshade]

I knew you all would appreciate my little story.

It was all I could do to keep picking berries and not jump over the back fence!

This is why I am trying to stay out of town as much as possible. There are just some times when you want to walk up behind a parent smack them in the back of the head and ask them what the hell they are thinking.

 

[Farmfresh]

On Screaming: My kids were allowed to shout, yell and be EXTREMELY loud when they were playing. If they would scream my hubby (or I) would come running! If they were not in danger, broken, bleeding or dead they got in trouble and usually a swat on the patooty. Screaming was the EMERGENCY sound - not to be handled lightly.

When my kids were big teenagers we had a couple move in next door to us with twin girls. All day long (and half the night) SCREAMING! Blood curdling screams were how they were allowed to play. They cut through us all. VERY glad that they lived there less than a year then the dad was transferred.

On disipline: People are all different from birth. Some kids are compliant and want to please - others push the envelope every time they can! Some kids can lose a privilege and be crushed - other kids take hands on driving. If your child was easy, thank GOD - and please understand some of us are not so gifted. If your child was difficult, say your prayers!

My children are:
Son # 3 quiet, compliant, lazy but extremely curious, very tenderhearted... he barely ever even cried as a baby.

Daughter #2 giggly, funny, manipulative, industrious to a fault ... even as a little child very sneaky and always trying to shift the blame on others.

Daughter #1 nurturing, bossy, judgmental, stubborn, but steadfast, faithful ... she was born screaming and demanding HER way - did not stop screaming for the first 18 months and is only now beginning to mellow a little!

They came out that way ... and they still ARE that way. D1 always took hands on driving, sometimes even when she KNEW she was going to get a spanking she would stare directly in your eyes and DO IT ANYWAY. S3 on the other hand would be heartbroken if he disappointed you. Still is that way as well - all 6'2" 280 pounds of him. D2 is still the same old sneak.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

On Screaming: My kids were allowed to shout, yell and be EXTREMELY loud when they were playing. If they would scream my hubby (or I) would come running! If they were not in danger, broken, bleeding or dead they got in trouble and usually a swat on the patooty. Screaming was the EMERGENCY sound - not to be handled lightly.

When my kids were big teenagers we had a couple move in next door to us with twin girls. All day long (and half the night) SCREAMING! Blood curdling screams were how they were allowed to play. They cut through us all. VERY glad that they lived there less than a year then the dad was transferred.

On disipline: People are all different from birth. Some kids are compliant and want to please - others push the envelope every time they can! Some kids can lose a privilege and be crushed - other kids take hands on driving. If your child was easy, thank GOD - and please understand some of us are not so gifted. If your child was difficult, say your prayers!

My children are:
Son # 3 quiet, compliant, lazy but extremely curious, very tenderhearted... he barely ever even cried as a baby.

Daughter #2 giggly, funny, manipulative, industrious to a fault ... even as a little child very sneaky and always trying to shift the blame on others.

Daughter #1 nurturing, bossy, judgmental, stubborn, but steadfast, faithful ... she was born screaming and demanding HER way - did not stop screaming for the first 18 months and is only now beginning to mellow a little!

They came out that way ... and they still ARE that way. D1 always took hands on driving, sometimes even when she KNEW she was going to get a spanking she would stare directly in your eyes and DO IT ANYWAY. S3 on the other hand would be heartbroken if he disappointed you. Still is that way as well - all 6'2" 280 pounds of him. D2 is still the same old sneak.

omy FF! My kids are a lot like yours!

DD, is bossy, stubborn, thinks she's a mama hen, and thinks her brothers should do what SHE says, period. She will yell at them and scream at them if she thinks she can get away with it...and she LIES! I hate LYING period!! She knows the consequences for lying, too. BUT she's also a good helper. She likes to help with the baby and she likes to cook, help with the animals...and she likes to be the center of everything.

DS1 is sneaky, but he is also my hardest worker. If he sees something needs done, he does it, but he also may suggest something to the other kids that will result in them getting into trouble...and will try to push the blame of everything on someone else.

DS2, my Hyper one. Gets angry if he doesn't get his own way, is very demanding, and yet when they are all caught doing something, he steps up and takes the blame because he thinks he'll keep the others from getting into trouble. Initially, when we discovered this, we thought it was a desire to be protective. Later we discovered he was just taking the fall because his older brother would tell him too (nipped that right in the bud!) He still tries to take the blame for things, even when we KNOW he wasn't involved. He's also the one child that seems to just want to please everyone.

DS3~total ham, likes to be the center of attention, would be the "class clown" of the family as he likes to do silly things to keep people laughing. He is our lazy one, would rather see if he can get his big brothers or sisters to do his chores instead of himself...thinks he should be first, and actually has a fit if he had to wait his turn (which results in having to wait longer for his turn)

DS4 (the baby) is pretty much happy, doesn't like to be alone and wants to be where the activity is. He is at the stage now where he is (1 yr old next tuesday) pushing his boundaries, to see what's allowed and what isn't.