What is wrong with kids today - or What comes after TWO?

[Big Daddy]

She lives in OK and my friend lives here in Co. The daughter has been to my place numerous times in the past and is friends with my daughters. She is a couple years older and has outgrown my daughters. so we haven't had her over for a while. Since he is not a biological father or even a stepfather through marriage he doesn't have much standing. He has been her sole parent for 3 years now and carries medical insurance and pays for everything just as a parent would. She had some episodes of friction burns on her arms from pencil erasers and surface cuts with a safety razor. These were brought on by stress. Her mother calling and threatening to take her. Her mother lives in a car with a boyfriend. I've tried to get him to adopt her, but he is a serious procrastinator and hasn't looked in to it yet. Some of the stuff her mother has done would have her losing parental rights but my fiend s afraid to go that direction. My friend is 53 and this is his 1st child that he has raised. He has some unrealistic expectations as pertains to the way children should act. I know he doesn't abuse or even use corporal punishment, but he expects a little more than most children can give. I always let him know how important it is not to give up on her. She really needs him. We would take her in if at all possible if he gave up on her.

 

[FarmerDenise]

Big Daddy, sounds like the girl does really need him. SO has unrealistic expectations and doesn't think he should have to put that much effort into being a parent. When Stepson was younger, I was able to take on full parental responsibilities. I was the one to go to parent/teacher conferences and I took him to and from school, even though I had a full time job. I took care of him when he was sick and read a bed time story to him every night he was with SO.
I did take in other people's children at one point or other, when my daughter was a teen.
Too many people out there procreate, when they really shoudn't. And the children suffer for it.

 

[deb1]

bbh, just wait til she's 14 I bet you haven't had the crying jags jet. "I don't know why I'm crying, I'm just crying". There's nothing to do, but hold 'em and let them cry. It's almost as bad as the "lip" they give you. Or the stomping feet and slamming doors.

Both my daughters started developing early. My 11 year old was crying in her bedroom. My 16 year old son asked her worriedly what was wrong. She told him that she was just having a 'girl moment."

my 13 year old gets the giggles for no reason. That can be almost as annoying as the tears.

 

[missourichickenmama]

When mom counted to three, she really did so, then proceeded to carry out what she threatened to do... Generally all she really had to do was count to two and we were out of there.

 

[Farmfresh]

What a GOOD mommy! I'll wager that you turned out to be a pretty decent person as well.

By the way ... welcome to Sufficient Self fellow Missourian!

 

[hwillm1977]

When mom counted to three, she really did so, then proceeded to carry out what she threatened to do... Generally all she really had to do was count to two and we were out of there.

That's how my parents were... and they always treated me like a person. 'because I said so' was never a reason that my parents did something... they always explained their position and would listen to mine, even if they rarely bent to my opinion... threats were always carried out.

I think I had the best parents in the world.

 

[Wildsky]

That's how my parents were... and they always treated me like a person. 'because I said so' was never a reason that my parents did something... they always explained their position and would listen to mine, even if they rarely bent to my opinion... threats were always carried out.

I think I had the best parents in the world.

Thats one of the fighting points in our house. my hubby will just say NO and give no reason's to the kids, I like to explain WHY its NO. Even if my little one doesn't quiet understand, at least I've tried to let her know the reason I don't want her doing something (she's 6 so getting a better understanding of things)
I get so mad with my DH over that.

 

[Farmfresh]

My hubby was a great explainer.

He always told the kids the why of things and tried to thoroughly answer all questions. I soon learned to follow his lead.

When a kid asked why the grass was green at our house, it was a science lesson on chlorophyll and photosynthesis!

They had an amazing amount of knowledge about things even before they went to school.

spelling again

 

[Wildsky]

When a kid asked why the grass was green at our house, it was a science lesson on chlorophyll and photosynthesis!

The other night while I was taking a nice long soak in the bath tub one of the kids came to ask me something (I can't remember but I think it had to do with Mars near the moon) There I was enjoying my hot soak and couldn't frigign answer the question - well that ruined the long hot soak for me! I hate it when I don't know the answer.

 

[The Vail Benton's]

My father was not of the school of thought that believed his decisions needed to be explained. No was no, and he only said it once. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of upbringing, I agree with whoever it was that wrote that [saying no and giving a child the opportunity to respectfully ask why thier parent came to that decision, is important].
Today, I am still very good at following rules without question... I sometimes feel like a sheep. I am getting better, but I don't always know how to assert myself appropriately. It's important to give our children the skills they need to thrive when they get out into the world. These skills INCLUDE respect for others, the ability to follow directions that might one day save their life or their job, and to be subordinate when appropriate to be so. I do wish, however, that I had been given the opportunity to ask why...