LovinLife- Happy New Year's all!

[Farmfresh]

The "safe spot" that we had set up at school was basically a sensory area. We had a plushy rug, lots of pillows, several blankets, QUIET toys (like a kaleidoscope, stuffed animals, books, maybe simple puzzles (but if they are a tantrum thrower those would not work) and a timer. Those toys NEVER leave the safe spot, so they don't loose there interest.

When they are sent to the safe spot they can move around freely in the corner and on the rug but they are not allowed to leave the rug. You leave the safe spot the next step is to sit at a table with your hands on top and do NOTHING. Most kids would far rather stay in comfortable relative freedom.

When IN the safe spot they CAN scream, kick, yell throw things out (within reason) and generally pitch a fit if they need to ... they just have to do it on that rug. If they DO choose to pitch a fit they MUST calm themselves back down, clean up and pick up anything they messed up and they STILL have to remain in the spot in a calm quiet way for the time that you gave them in the first place. The timer only starts when they are calm and quiet. If they start calm, have a fit, then calm back down the timer is restarted when they calm down.

Meanwhile life in the house and the world goes on - ignoring the one in the safe spot - unless (of course) that toe crosses the line then you quietly get up move them to a table and if necessary sit behind them - STILL not talking a single word. If they go to the table, they have to return to the safe spot and be calm before time can re-start.

BTW the timer is usually set from 2 minutes to a MAX of about 10 minutes (and that is when they are likely to need a nap only).

 

[FarmerChick]

My mother once told me the best way to handle kids is "they only have to THINK you're going to kill them".

yup my mom was an expert at that...lol

and I learned from her.


so keep that 'extra I am going to kill you' yell etc. for when it is most effective! :bun

 

[FarmerChick]

OR

Momma could get a prescrip for valium

 

[lorihadams]

I feel you....I'm trying not to yell too. My 6 yr old is doing the same thing. He fights with his 4 yr old sister and I usually find that if they are fighting they are bored. I have to keep a shelf of "stuff" that they know they can do on their own. I also have to get hubby to take them places without me. I start to sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown after a while.

I make my son go to his room to take him away from the source of the problem and after 5-6 minutes, sometimes with a timer if I remember to set it, and then we talk about what is going on. I ask him WHY he did what he did and that usually seems to help him focus and it helps me find out what the real problem is. Like, they were fighting over something and someone hit someone else. The real problem was that she yanked his toy away from him or vice versa and then they started hitting each other. We all sit down and talk about what happened and then I separate them for another short period and redirect them both to do something else independent of each other.

Now, cleaning their rooms is a biggie. My son hates to clean so once a week I make him go in and do a deep clean of everything in his room. He hates it and I usually have to help direct everything to the correct place but it gets done. My daughter isn't that bad.

I also make them go outside. I don't care if they just go out for 5 minutes and run around the house a few times but they need to go out. Make him run laps around the house. Seriously. If he's running the skeeters can't get him.

I used to make my problem students (preK) go run from one end of the playground to the other when they got angry and that seemed to help them calm down. We had a door from our classroom out to the playground so I could stand with the door open and watch everyone. Sometimes I take a favorite toy away but the big thing is to follow through with whatever you say you're gonna do. If you say they have no more warnings then they don't get any more. If you say you are going to throw a toy away then do it...better yet, make HIM do it. I read to both my kids independently in their beds every night and that seems to really help them. I usually try to spend at least 15 minutes with each of them before bedtime and I let them pick the book/books that I read. They really look forward to that one on one time and if they are really being a brat that day and nothing seems to work then they go straight to bed with no book. They HATE that.

Sometimes when they are at their worst all they really want is for us to stop whatever we are doing and spend time with them.

It's hard....trust me, I'm in the same boat here with my son.

 

[Beekissed]

With any sort of negative reinforcement for bad behaviors, it's most important to mean what you say and say just what you mean. No empty threats...not even once. Kids are so very quick to pick up on the days when you are too tired to go the distance on training and will push your buttons every time.

Consistency in any kind of punishment will bring up kids that know you tell the truth, know their boundaries and know that all actions have consequences, both good and bad.

We've all resorted to yelling at one time or another...we are human after all, but I'd never use yelling as a form of correction. It denotes someone who is out of control and teaches children to handle conflict in the same manner.

 

[LovinLife]

I read to both my kids independently in their beds every night and that seems to really help them. I usually try to spend at least 15 minutes with each of them before bedtime and I let them pick the book/books that I read. They really look forward to that one on one time and if they are really being a brat that day and nothing seems to work then they go straight to bed with no book. They HATE that.

Sometimes when they are at their worst all they really want is for us to stop whatever we are doing and spend time with them.

It's hard....trust me, I'm in the same boat here with my son.

My son and I have a night time ritual...DD goes to bed 1/2 hr earlier and we rock in the rocking chair and sing a song then I will read a book to DS then we say our prayers and have a little talk then it's lights out. We do this every night and if he's being a real jerk I send him to bed w/o a story. I hate to take that away from him because his reading is going so well and I'm sure it's because I've been reading to him every night for years. But every once in a while I tell him he's not plesant to be around so good night.

 

[LovinLife]

Today!! The bus driver called and said sorry I can't make it to your house to pick DS up because the roads are flooded out. WTH?!! So if the bus can't come in then I can't go out. WTH??!! So we're stuck at home for the day. It wasn't even 9 am when I took the door off the hinges because he slammed it.(thanks windyhillfarms!) I was getting the Candy Land game out and DD wanted to carry it so I let her then DS snatched it from her and hit her in the face with the corner of the game (on purpose!) so I took the box from him and hit him in the face with it He didn't like that so he yelled and screamed so I told him that he needed to go to him room and cool down. He hit the wall on the way up and slammed the door. So I took the door off the hinges. Man oh man he hated it! But he settled down. Later on I told him about yelling in the house and that he was not following Rule #2 which is "Use Inside Voices". The next time he was being loud I put him outside and locked the door. I told him that he can yell outside so go for it. He didn't like being kicked out of the house and locked out. He screamed and cried "BUT THE MEAN CHICKEN'S GOING TO GET ME!" We have a Barred Rock Roo and he hates DS and will go after him whenever he's outside without me. He never gets him with the spurs but just charges him and scares him. After DS got a little screaming out of his system i let him back in and he was fine the rest of the day until we were sitting in the car. (we managed getting around the water) We were waiting for 6pm for him to go to the YMCA Lock-in and I told him he could take his seat belt off but he would have to stay in his seat and not get up and jump around. I gave him one warning and told him next time he would have to sit in his seat with his belt on. He did it again and I clicked him in! It was a long hard day but I think he is getting the idea that I'm not taking any crap from him! Thanks for all the good advice it really helped!!

 

[LovinLife]

OR

Momma could get a prescrip for valium

 

[LovinLife]

I had that boy, and he is now 15years old and wonderful--respectful, caring sensitive, hardworking, and still occasionally mean to his sister.

I have a book recommendation that saved my life. How to Talk so Kids will listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960

Get it read it, and DO it. It will be a change in the way you do things, but it does work. The preschool that we attended offered the course and it was AMAZING!!!!!! Run, don't walk and get that book I swear it will make your life peaceful.

OK I'll check it out as soon as I can! Thanks.

 

[lorihadams]

You go mama!!!

Taking the door off the hinges isn't an option for me cause my son likes the door open not closed. He will slam it and then open it back up. His punishment is to stay in his room with the door closed. Crazy children.