Denim Deb Hay, hay, hay. Thank the Lord!

[Denim Deb]

I've come to a conclusion-I need to make some changes in my life. I've been reading over my journal. And I'm realizing that much of what I'm having problems with is stuff that I had problems w/when I started to keep it. So, I've been developing strategies to help me deal with them. About the time that I finally figured it all out, I had a bald eagle come flying by, then circling around so I could get a good look at it. And, while I don't attach any special significance to eagles, I took it as a good sign.

Part of what I'm going to be working involves dealing w/other people. There is just no way I can change them, so I've been coming up w/ways to deal w/them. Here's some things I've come up with.

RU. RU has a bad habit of going away and not putting out hay B4 she leaves, or not getting it out B4 it rains. For instance, Saturday was a beautiful day, but she didn't put out hay. She was supposed to leave yesterday for a short trip w/her hubby. So, she planned on putting hay out early Sunday morning-she didn't check the forecast. It started to rain early yesterday. They changed their plans and didn't leave until today. But, w/all the rain, she could not get into the hay. I had to help her get hay out of the top of the barn to put out. So, since I keep a good eye on the weather, I'm going to be asking her when bad weather is in the forecast if she needs help getting the hay out.

KN still hasn't gotten the stuff out of my truck tool box. So, I'm going to be asking her what day is a good day for us to go thru the stuff so I can take the box home. I have a feeling she'll be out on Wednesday. And, while I know for a fact that there's nothing of mine in this box, and I shouldn't have to help, it's going to be the only way I get it done.

My kids are going to be told when I'm working on certain areas of the house. They will be told that if there's anything they think they might want they need come and help. Otherwise, the stuff will be trashed, sold or donated.

Hubby is going to be asked (can't tell him) when he thinks he'll be able to work on projects he's been putting off for years-both at home and at the farm. And, I will be making sure we start early enough in the day to actually work on the stuff. Saturdays, if he wants to go out, I'm going to be pushing to make sure we leave early-not close to noon. And, once it gets warmer so I can stay in my tack shed if need be (fall at the latest), he's going to have to choose between me and getting drunk. I'm tired of dealing with it, and think this is the only way that things are going to change.

 

[hqueen13]

Hope you got lots done today! Happy New year! Here's to change!

 

[Denim Deb]

We got about 6" of snow, and it's cold out! I'm not leaving until they plow the road. And I'm not doing anything outside that I don't need to. So, I'm going to concentrate on the house. Only problem being, hubby didn't go to work so I'm going to be tripping over him all day. He'd better not get in my way.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Wow that's all I've got to say.....

 

[Denim Deb]

It is. And, depending on what Wally World you go in, you can get 2 pairs of those stretch gloves for under a buck! I gave away some of those, and people really appreciated them.

 

[Denim Deb]

And what's really bad is when you're out there and have to go! There was snow on my portapot when I had to use it today and it was in the single digits.

 

[Denim Deb]

Yep, same here. I don't even try to make a plan but instead just do what I can. I've tried to tell him that he took the day off, not me and that I still have stuff to do. But, since he's working weekends for right now as well, it makes more sense for him to take off a week day. He's only allowed to work so many days w/out a day off and he gets more money working Saturday and Sunday. He does have some place he has to go this morning-which is good. I'm not about to miss my Bible study to either go shopping or sit around the house and do nothing.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Ya know Deb, you just might have to take a stand with him. When my DH was a heavy drinker/alcoholic EVERY day drunk - I had to do a lot of soul-searching before I finally told him - stop drinking or get out. Period.

My DH is a medical professional, and knew he was committing slow suicide. He also earns a nice salary and I knew I'd be giving that up. I had done all the math, knew I'd be dirt poor but at that point I didn't care. I'd rather be poor than living with a man who drank to passing out EVERY NIGHT - and was drinking on the way to work - at work- and at night.


I told him that being poor with him gone was better for me than being poor with him there when/if he lost his job. It took a serious break down in our marriage for him to reach the point of making a choice ... it was 100% me - or the booze. He chose me - for about 3 days. He came home with alcohol on his breath and I made him leave. It was 3 days before Christmas and he had to go stay with his folks. He started going to AA that day and went sometimes twice a day for the next 90 days. He hasn't had a drink now in over 5 years and our marriage is about as good as it can get.

My whole point in saying this is that sometimes by NOT making a stand you are enabling him. My friends would get so tired of my *****ing about his drinking! That's all I did was gripe about it. Finally one of them told me to stop whining and take action. So I did. It took me DOING something about it to make a difference.

Not my place to tell you what to do...just relaying what worked for my family. I have met a lot of alcoholics at his AA meetings and for the most part they all thank family members or friends for PUSHING them to get sober. So, not saying your situation is exactly like mine was but you've been talking about this for a long time so I know you're fed up with it - and I don't blame you a bit. (((HUGS))) Hope you can get out of this situation - one way or the other...

 

[Denim Deb]

Well, I'm not going to get everything done. But I'll do what I can.

 

[Marianne]

Where's the nap?